Surviving L.A. - Takes a tuxedo

If you were called - from Hollywood - to save the world, could you step up? Play the part? Dress the part? This week, my husband the clothes horse was about to find out.

I worried what covert international crisis might be afoot when I saw the cryptic message: "We have a problem." "What's the problem?" I typed timidly, fearing Ernst Stavo Blofeld had kidnapped Placido Domingo and threaten modern arias as we knew them. The ominous words that make women everywhere rejoice appeared on the screen. "Black tie."

Since Richard made the grave mistake of marrying me, I have been telling him he should just buy a tuxedo. I thought a wedding was a good reason for an investment, and he a few opportunities to step out in style in the last few years. I think men who own tuxedos are incredibly sexy. Why that, in and of itself, did not bring about the purchase is a matter of on-going discussion..... but....

Apparently, my strategy should have been to move to L.A.

How could anyone in such a fashion-forward town not be prepared for every event? Neither of us needs suits for work (yeah, I'm rubbing it in, kinda...). We need bathing suits for the beach...wetsuits for surfing...fire-retardant suits for the wildfires....something for that last-minute invitation to a black-tie opera gala or call to stand in for a high-stakes poker game where the free world is in the ante.

We don't have an earthquake preparedness plan, but when the call from Q comes in, Richard will be ready. After following tips and gathering intel and negotiating a treaty with a disappearing ink pen, Rick Bond is now the proud owner of a striking suit ready for Beverly Hills Cocoktail Parties, Hollywood Premieres, Children's Birthday Parties and the Fat Lady Singing.

His reference to "the noose" no longer refers to his wedding ring.

But as all well-heeled heros have a fatal flaw, Richard has an evil side that comes out toward his leading ladies....

He won't wear the tux until I learn how to tie the bow-tie.

00Jerk.

I have 2 weeks to learn....or else my Elixir of Love will be a lonely night sans my knight in shiny lapels and french cuffs.

For those wondering what finally convinced my nominee for best-dressed-in-the-comedy-we-call-Surviving-L.A. to don the strait jacket, the clues are encrypted here....or you can catch the ending when it comes out on DVD (see Surviving L.A. in 2 weeks).

For now we continue to Survive L.A. - just with a lot more style!