Sunday, December 14, 2008

The holiday edition of Surviving L.A. - Takes Sheep



Just when Richard was missing the farm, he recieved the holiday gift given to executives by Roll International, the parent company of POM Wonderful, Fiji Water, Teleflora Flowers and Paramount Farms (growers of citrus and nuts).







For reference, the items on the floor are slippers, and the "ottoman" is bigger than my 35-pound dog....who tried briefly to herd it.

The ottoman is hollow and items can be stored in there. (A wool blanket, perhaps?) It came with products from each of the Roll companies in it...POM Wonderful products, oranges and Cuties, Fiji water and a variety of nut products...including their signature "Everybody's Nuts" which now takes on a whole new meaning.
Let the Iowa, farm, and general holiday jokes begin. I'll start...Baaaaahhhhhh Humbug.
Happy Holidays to all, and to all a good night......counting sheep....

We're sheepishly surviving L.A. - on the 'lamb'

Richard and AJ

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Surviving L.A. - Takes Management

*****Disclaimer.....for those of you who are new to Surviving L.A. or who have forgotten my earlier disclaimer....I am NOT making this stuff up. I don't have to. I live in L.A. where this stuff happens....daily....makes me wonder why some TV shows are so bad when some of this fabulous stuff is available for foder. Writers for The Office look here!****




When Richard first accepted the job here on the left coast he worried about the business environment and its reputation for being far more laid back than the rest of the country. Would be be able to keep up his frenetic business-at-light-speed-until-midnight, then-slowing-until-1 a.m. pace?



Turns out that yes he can....just check your email at 2 a.m. But there are definitely differences in the work environment out here. As it turns out, Richard and I got lucky. We could have found jobs with our friend Tommy (name changed to protect the innocent), who works at Strobe (named changed to protect the guilty).



The type of business is irrelevant. This insanity should not happen any place.




When Tommy wishes to dialogue with (and no, you do not speak to, you dialogue with) his colleagues, he must open with his name, indicating that he is taking ownership of the words coming forth from his mouth. This is a good strategy for ensuring that no one shows up being possessed by an alien intent on wrecking their business model.



Meetings open with a discussion of how everyone is feeling today, to gauge the level of readiness and receptivity among the participants. Meetings close with a discussion of everyone's feelings about the meeting.



Monday Morning Water Cooler Talk at Strobe


Tommy: My name is Tommy, and I am disappointed in the lousy performance of the Kings yesterday.


AJ: But I, as AJ, am excited that they lost to the Rangers, because I feel we need all the victories we can get.


Tommy: My name is Tommy, and I am emotionally ready to agree that the Rangers played a good game, but, with due respect to your feelings toward your team, I still dismay today at my teams poor performance. I do not feel I would be productive in the budget meeting.


AJ: I, as AJ, can say we should change the topic of the budget meeting to a discussion of how to deal with losses suffered by our athletic champions.


Tommy: I, Tommy, thank you for compassion toward my feelings. I feel this will be a very productive meeting and that the team will have a lot to contribute.


AJ: Group hug!


Tommy: You didn't say AJ says.




How someone does their job at Strobe has to do with their mental model. Not skills or attitude, but how an employee perceives their job is critical to the management of this company, and it applies to everyone from the CEO to the front line workers, who I gather are in the service industry (read: a lot of high school and college kids in a low-skill, low-wage job, not a career).

A manager, adhereing to the "improve business by sharing your feelings" recently sent out a late-night missive in which s/he described being fatigued by all of the dialogues with employees and wondering what s/he could do to shift their mentality to building a learning community in which they could improve their servant leadership. (Because, of course, that's what high schoolers want to work on.) S/He questioned his own actions of asking management to solve a problem during pulse check huddles rather than allowing employees to grow in problem solving. S/He wondered if he was the reason so many shift managers problem-solved for the employees rather than allowing them to think critically and problem solve for themselves and the company (again, because that's what a high schooler with an after-school job thinks about at work). S/He closes, pondering the questions he posed and added that s/he was more and more resolved to approach them differently so that she didn’t hamper their business maturity and development. Please reflect on this missive and be prepared to dialogue about your reflections at a 10:00 meeting tomorrow, which will no longer be about the budget.

I can tell you what the mental model of a high schooler working on a Friday night is: "Have I made enough yet to buy that Xbox game? (Slurps on free Coke) Why isn't it time for me to go home? (checks out the girls walking by) Should I ask Katie to the party?"



A recent management meeting to decide how to compassionately announce layoffs at the corproate office was held at an exclusive (read: expensive) L.A. hotel, and resulted the following information: 150 of you will lose your job over the next year. But don't think about that now. We expect really great work from you until the pink slips go out. This is the 9th year of double-digit negative cash flows, and the management team finally feels like the company is ready to make the shift from a good company to a great company. We feel the operating philosophy is being practiced at a high level, and we have the right people and processes in place to make this happen.


Good ahead and re-read that paragraph. It won't make any more sense the second time around....


So please pray for Tommy. Pray that he does not leave the job. Because whenever I need to feel good about my challenges, I remember the hell he lives in, which he cannot decide is closer to a cult or 1940s Germany.


So, Richard and I are Surviving L.A. -one 9-to-11 p.m. workday at a time.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Surviving L.A. - Oh the Horror!

Some people think their jobs are horror-ible. Think your job leaves you in the dark? Think co-workers are stabbing you in the back? Are there days you just want to kill your boss?



The next time you think your 9-5 sucks and you think life would be great if only you were a Hollywood actor/actress....consider those wannabe thesbians entertaining Richard and I (and our friends Bob and Leslie). So we took in Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights.....an evening where the 'Entertainment Capital of the World' turns goulish and tries to scare all the people more than the fact that they paid $50 to get get in.


I have been to Halloween Horror Nights before. My best friend, Scott, used to coherse a bunch of us into going every year in Orlando. But the last time I went was probably 1995, and I am extremely happy to announce that the productions have improved significantly in the last 13 years. (13....ooooooo).


At 7 p.m. we stood in the wanna-be-TSA security line to enter the park, when in many of the attractions had been spiked with a ghastly theme to celebrate the season. In addition to blood-spiked waredrobe thrown into their regular attractions, they had haunted houses around the park, and roaming zombies and psychopaths hiding in dark corners ready to scare all high-school aged-girls into the arms of their boyfriends.

We started on the "Back Lot" Tour, which capitalized on a few of their horror movie sets. Universal did, afterall, give us Psycho and the never-should-have-been-made-with-Tom-Cruise War of the Worlds. The only good thing about the War of the Worlds remake was the opportunity to turn the airplane crash set into a gory accident scene complete with freshly placed corpses....including passengers in still strapped to seats 22 A &B - now hanging out the side of the airplane - giving new meaning to the term "exit row".

In this, and the other haunted houses in the park, were employed people who should make you thankful for your day job....even on the most mundane of days. Imagine, for a moment, that you are an aspiring actress looking for your big break. Would your resume be enhanced by Halloween Horror Nights? Perhaps, if you could spend 5 hours in the front seat of a VW bug constantly pretending to try to turn on the car and escape from the other aspiring actor in the room who's stint as Jason (the beloved villan of Friday the 13th movies) means he spends 5 hours stabbing a fake knife through the top of the VW in an attempt to make passers-by believe he would have you dead. 5 hours. Day after day. How exactly do you sell that skill to a Hollywood talent scout?


And I am not sure which is worse, faking that kind of monotonous activity for five hours, or doing a convincing job in the face of people like Richard, Bob, Leslie and I, who were so rapt by the fake murderous scene unfolding (repeatedly) in front of us that we devolved into a discussion of exactly what the building we were in was when it was not inhabited by the special HHNs exhibit. So engrossed were we in the need to solve this crime (much to the disappointment of the girl trying to escape in the non-working VW) that we turned to the other Universal employee in the room.....who was probably stunned that Bob was talking to her.


You see, there might be a patron or two either caught up in trying to protect someone or trying to prove something that they might strike out against the actors trying to make you urinate involuntarily...and that patron might try to become part of the pseudo-action. In the dark, in the midst of their 5-hour shift, is a park employee responsible for the safety of the actors in the room. You can walk by and be plenty scared, but you may not touch the actors/actresses. These individuals stand, in near dark, ready to jump on you if you disobey the code of conduct. I think this girl jumped quite a bit when Bob turned to her and asked "what is this exhibit normally?"


Who knows, it may have been the highlight of her night.


But Halloween Horror Nights was a highlight of our October.....and it is helping us survive L.A.

Surviving L.A. - Oh the Irony!

So....for years I said I could never live in CA - and definitely not L.A.....and so my husband, of course, gets an amazing job opportunity in L.A. [:(]

I said I could never live there for many reasons....most of all the earthquakes. Within 7 months of living here....earthquake. [:S]

So last week some of you were kindly expressing concern for those of us dealing with wildfires.
They are no where near me...I said....don't worry.

This morning I was lying in bed awake at 4 a.m. Decided to turn on the TV. There is a wildfire burning about 3 miles from my house. [:]

Mind you, it would still have to burn through a ton of concrete to get to me....but still.....I'm starting to take this personally!

So I am trying a new tact....

I could never live over seas. Being an Ex Pat would be horrible. I would HATE to have to move to England. Or Sweden. Or Australia. I could never live there.......[:D]

Monday, October 6, 2008

Surviving L.A. - Takes Magic

We had a magical evening recently and Walt would be disappointed to know it had nothing to do with Disney. We were lucky enough to score an invitation to the Magic Castle, the private club for magicians.

Hogwarts it is not, but it has a magical allure all its own. The house in Hollywood was built in 1909, and in the 1960s was bought by "Truth or Consequences" writer Milt Larsen. Milt's father, William, had been a magician and had dreamed of having a private club for magicians. In honor of his father, Milt turned the castle into just that.
http://www.magiccastle.com/about/index.cfm

Once a month, aspiring magicians can have a 15-minute audition to prove they have the gift. Admission to the club is an internationally recognized achievement, and membership has its privileges, such as access to a library of books on magic in the basement of the castle. I'm curious if it includes an edition of a "History of Hogwarts." There are also regular classes taught at the club, though Dumbledor was no where in sight. But perhaps the greatest benefit for the young illusionist is the opportunity to perform in one of the theaters, bars, parlours or dark corners available in the maze of the castle.

For those of us who's slight of hand couldn't trick the Vega dog, we must wait for an invitation to come from someone who is a member or in some way affiliated with the club. Friends of ours were lucky enough to secure an invitation, and they were kind enough to, in turn, invite us to join them.

Admittedly, we initially had no idea what we were getting into. We just knew it wasn't something you could just decide to do on any random Saturday night, so we jumped at the opportunity. Of course, Richard and I are both magic junkies, (ask him sometime about being eyeball to shoelace with David Copperfield) so that spurred our interest as well. But the evening was almost over before it began as Richard perused their website and saw that the evening came with a dress code - coat and tie for men. Better for the magicians to hide things on unsuspecting audience members, but nearly a deal-killer for dear Richard.

We arrived at 5:00 p.m. and were treated by a club Knight to a lovely tour of the castle, which proved extremely valuable later. The place is a maze and it would be easy to miss a lot of the nooks that contain magicians. (They are also quick to point out the locations of all the bars, indicating the alcohol makes many of the magicians better. It did not however, help improve the jokes, which must be taught in a special class...because many of the magicians we saw had the same canned material in attempts to make lady audience members giggle about the size of their wands....) The house is filled with fabulous memorabilia that, as the guide was quick to point out, would be an incredible loss if anything were to ever destroy the castle. We could visit 6 times and probably not see everything in the house.

We sat for dinner at 6. The magic is not in the food. But apparently if you know the magic words, you can have Merlin deliver your birthday cake.

We finished dinner at 7:30 and headed for the first show. At 7:45 we heckled a poor young man who was doing his first-ever night trying to impress people at the club. (He was a good sport.) We had tickets for the 8:30 p.m. main show. By 1:00 a.m., we still had not seen every magician in the place.

In addition to the main show on a main stage, there were several smaller theaters (some allowing only 20 people) with 2 magicians doing multiple 15-minute shows each evening. We saw at least 5 other magicians sitting in random spots around the castle, and we know we missed more. The skill levels ran the gamut (you could tell by how much light the magician worked in!) but everyone provided some level of entertainment.

The setting, aside from being a gorgeous castle, is an excellent venue for those of us who love to watch magicians closely. We both participated in many of the tricks (pick a card, show it to the audience), and Richard even got to inspect the knots of a lovely, large-busted escape artist. It was such a burden, I know.

Richard, with all of his charms, tried to cast a spell on one magician and may just conjure another invitation to return. I'm trying to figure out the magic words to get him to take me again. (The best of which would probably be: "they changed the dress code.")

So we're surviving L.A. - by putting a little magic in our lives.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Surviving L.A. - a California Adventure!

Walt Disney World Resort just outside Orlando is an ever-expanding complex of parks, hotels, shopping areas, entertainment areas, hotels, communities, golf courses, more hotels, more shopping and some studios. It got big enough it decided to become its own incorporated town.





On the other hand (or coast), Disneyland is, well, land-locked. It does not have the neighboring swampland to drain and build on. From the monorail you can see the busy streets that border the park. But they did manage to make "Disney's California Adventure" which is not Walt Disney's wild rise to fame and power from his drawing table, but rather an attempted celebration of the state that gave him the opportunity to make a mouse larger than life.




Leave it to the minds that thought a car riding through dark rooms with pop-ups of the evil witch from Snow White would make a great kids ride to come up with a park where the process for making tortillas is an attraction. Yes, Mission Tortilla has a 'factory' in the park where you can watch how tortillas are made. It's right next to the building where you can watch sour dough bread bowls made. That, at least, is lent the humor of commedians Rosie O'Donnell and Colin Mocherie. But still, it's the history of sour dough bread. Does this justify your $70?


The concept behind the park is to highlight great things that shape and illustrate California. There is a mini Golden Gate Bridge, a pier with rides, a winery, a wild water ride through a mountain forest setting, rides through a backlot, a mini Hollywood sign, and a fake street that is ALMOST perfect. If it's supposed to be a street in L.A., they painted the sky entirely too blue. But in acknowledgment to the industries that helped build CA, there is a backlot, a hanger and an amazing simulated flight over California in a nod to the aviation industry, the two food factories, a winery (because who doesn't want a lovely cabernet before riding a roller coaster with "Screamin'" in the title?), and a simulated state park.


To be fair, the factory tours were short and mildly interesting and you did get a sample of each item. Probably the first thing Disney has ever given away for free. And they did make for a good place for us to go inbetween rides and let my occasionally-motion-sick stomach settle before the next ride.


There was part of the adventure I could have done without. The sourdough bread company has its roots in California's gold rush more than 150 years ago. A man who baked bread for miners started a bakery that become the company. For the non-bakers among us....sourdough bread has no yeast; its "rising" is enabled by a bacterial mixture in the dough. So when miners would make a batch, they would retain a small bit from each batch to 'start' the next days batch. That process of saving a bacteria-laden piece of dough daily is still done today, from the same starter dough that started the business 150 years ago. I realize it's highly unlikely, but yet technically possible that the bacteria rising bread today is a 150-year-old original. I try not to think about it.


In walking the clean, simulated streets of California, one might be intrigued by the industries they chose NOT to include in the park. While there is plenty of automation in the park, there is no outward acknowledgement of Silicon Valley. No surfing in a wave pool. No papprazzi roaming the park for tabloid smut.


No displays for Larry Flynt or Hugh Heffner and their version of smut, no acknowledgement of the porn industry. California cannot survive without these things! Just imagine THAT theme park....


Well, okay, we want to accentuate the positive, I get that. And it all makes for a rather enjoyable park, despite the presence of giant spiders in the A Bug's Life-inspired show, which is completely unnecessary.


If the park is a little taste...highlight reel, if you will....of California as a whole, Richard and I have a lot of places to go do. The park attempts to carry the variety of this big state from the lush northern forests, to the prosperous farm lands to the arid desert vistas, to exciting cities, we have a lot to explore.


In 2009, Disney parks are free for you on your birthday....we'll go with you! Because now that we know about the Adventure that is California, it's a little easier to survive L.A.

Monday, September 8, 2008

The Shadow of the Mouse

Once upon a time in a land far, far away, a young girl lived in the shadow of the mouse. When eventually, she moved from Orlando to DC, she thought perhaps she was escaping the reign of whatever evil villan had taken over the "Happiest Place on Earth" and turned it into an expensive day of standing in long lines.

But the young girl has learned to stop saying never - because the evil queen looked into whatever crystal ball and casted a spell that has our heroine living, once again, among the Disney obsessed. Just for good measure, the evil queen made sure that just outside our heroine's office door sits a Disney-obsessed co-worker. This character has 2 daughters who both have birthdates close to hers, so they have an annual Princess Birthday party. For ALL of them. I understand that at least some level of dress-up is involved.



The Disney Empire is a little more spread out in L.A. compared to Orlando. Some of the main studios are in Burbank, a ways away from Disneyland's home in Anaheim, but it is as Disney as you would expect. The building has 7 pillars across the front....one of Snow White's dwarf's on each.

Will our heroine ever be able to live happily ever after, co-existing the long arm of the Mouse? Perhaps a few nights of Sing-a-long Little Mermaid at Disney's El Capitan theater in Hollywood will bring her around.

But the question remains....can she survive Disney? Let's take a look...........

Richard has long thought the Happiest Place on Earth was a farmhouse in Remsen, IA. It is located near the 'ice cream capital of the world' afterall, so it's hard to argue with that logic. But we figured we'd give this place a fair shot at changing his mind. We went to investigate the claim for ourselves, and were fortunate enough to have our friend Mark in town - an experienced Disneyland guide - who ushered us through the park and helped keep us sane. Well, only so sane....we did end up buying an annual pass to the place so we can go any time we want...we may have lost our minds.

Apparently my family came to Disneyland when I was very small. I have no memory of it and the only thing I ever really knew about it was my older brother's not-so-glorious description of the place; "Disneyland could fit in Disney World's parking lot."

After years of being dragged to Walt Disney World (WDW) because yet another friend or relative had come to Orlando to visit and having to stand in line for '90 minutes from this point ->' for a ride I'd been on 236 times and I knew was not worth more than a 5-minute wait, I was admittedly apprehensive about just how much I might like Disneyland.

For anyone who has been to Disney World I can tell you one aspect of the attraction is definitely worth the price of admission: Realizing that this was the original, conceived and built in the 1950's, and that Disney World is the 2.0 version. There is fascination in identifying the similarities and differences between the two parks and trying to determine exactly why they thought the original Space Mountain needed to be changed when they built it in Orlando, but the Mr. Toad's Wild Ride had universal appeal the way it was. Or, for that matter, why the Mr. Toad's Wild Ride translated into the new Orlando park while the other carbon copies with different story lines (Alice in Wonderland) did not.

And why (for that matter ;-) Mr. Toad's was replaced by Pooh in Orlando, while the Pooh ride in Disneyland got it's own new area in Critter Country, and Mr. Toad still offers his wild ride to all Anaheim takers. Why is Splash Mountain a 2-person-to-a-row boat ride in WDW, but a sit-behind-each-other log flume in Disneyland? Why did the Mattahorn bobsled, with its secret-yet-everyone-knows-about-it-basketball court, not make the move East? What was Walt thinking?

There are smaller similarities and differences that surprised me. There is a New Orleans-themed street in Disneyland that does not exist in WDW. The WDW Swiss Family Robinson Tree House belongs to Tarzan in Disneyland. The Space Mountain in Disneyland kicks WDW's buttocks.

What did not surprise me - the Jungle Cruise in both parks uses the same terrible jokes, and the Haunted Mansion needs upgrading in both parks. And if you favor the Orlando park, you should petition for an Indiana Jones ride. One of the best rides of the day in Disneyland.

I did learn one very important lesson for the day I'd like to share with you, if you show up in the morning and Splash Mountain is closed for repairs, just stay off the thing all day. Because if they have drained it and then refilled it before you get on, the water must be at a high level that takes a while to even out through evaporation and removal on the shirts of soaked patrons. I know this because we did more than our fair share of removing water from the ride once it was re-opened. I've been on rides like that before, Richard and Mark have too. Never have any of us been so thoroughly soaked as that day. Proof I am not exaggerating for effect? The boat we were in had so much water in the bottom of it, they had to take it out of commission to drain it after we had gotten out. Apparently that 6 inches of water in the bottom was, in fact, not normal. Who knew?

For those of you who have gotten this far and think this all sounds a little mundane for the Los Angeles Crazies.....consider this. There are not one but 2 locations in Disneyland where you can buy McDonald's fries. And no other food. No burgers, no chicken strips, no Happy Meals...just a whole food kiosk devoted to McDonald's fries. So popular, they had to open a second location. Hungry?

As for my brother's assertion about size (why are boys always obsessed with size?), Disneyland is much smaller, though they have added a sizeable (and fun!) Toon Town and Critter Country since he was there as a young boy. But the most striking size difference hits you when you enter the park. Both initial experiences are similar....enter the turnstile and pass through the train station to Main Street USA. The street might be a little smaller in Disneyland, but the thing that will immediately catch any WDW frequent visitor's eye is the castle at the other end. It was shrunk by one of the Disney villians. I'm not lying, I laughed. Apparently Sleeping Beauty ('owner' of the Disneyland homestead) is not doing as well in this economy as Cinderella, who orders servants around in WDW.

For a couple of fabulous side-by-side pictures of similar attractions in each site, visit http://www.disneygeek.com/dland_vs_wdw/.

Our conlcusion is that it lacks the happiness found on the Iowa farm....but, it will do for an occasional day out for us. Unlike the 47-square miles of all the WDW theme parks in Orlando, the only other thing here in L.A. is the California Adventure. We have not been yet, but we have annual passes now...so darn it, we're going! And I can tell you without reservation - California is an adventure. And we're surviving it!!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

'Fall'-ing for traditions

Sure, L.A. has its own traditions and we are trying to learn them. But we are not abandoning our traditions of old. It is fall, afterall, and fall means cooler weather (well, not here) and changing leaves (um...not so much) and football!!

There are challenges to living 3 hours behind our friends and family on the East Coast (2 behind the Iowa contingent), but there is the occasional silver lining. Such as being able to watch all of a Monday Night Football games without needing to stay up to ridiculous hours. It may be a challenge to have to find places to have brunch with the early Giants and Redskins games at 9 a.m. PST (and just what tailgating drink goes with scrambled eggs and hashbrowns?), we'll take that as a trade-off to not having to fall asleep at half-time of a Sunday night game and wake up to find that the Jets pulled off a Farve comeback and we really should have stayed up.

But if you are in L.A., what better way to kick-off a new football season than in the Grandaddy of Bowl Game stadiums...the Rose Bowl. Whether or not you are in love with college football, I highly recommend the Rose Bowl experience. Afterall, who doesn't want yams as a half-time treat? (Yup, yams....as well as tri-tip and churros. Isn't that what you cook at a tailgate?) I do not, however, recommend sitting in a large sea of the Orange of the Tenessee Volunteers when the Bruins pull off the upset of opening weekend football. ;-) Okay, it's not the yams that are the attraction. The stadium is steeped in history and lore, and there are lots of great seats.

The first Tournament of Roses was staged in 1890by members of Pasadena's Valley Hunt Club, former residents of the East and Midwest eager to showcase their new home's mild winter weather."In New York, people are buried in snow," announced Professor Charles F. Holder at a Club meeting. "Here our flowers are blooming and our oranges are about to bear. Let's hold a festival to tell the world about our paradise." (Good thing I was not on that committee!)During the next few years, the festival expanded to include marching bands and motorized floats. The games on the town lot included ostrich races, bronco busting demonstrations and a race between a camel and an elephant (the elephant won, unlike in the 2008 elections!). Reviewing stands were built along the Parade route, and Eastern newspapers began to take notice of the event. In 1895, the Tournament of Roses Association was formed to take charge of the festival, which had grown too large for the Valley Hunt Club to handle.In 1902, the Tournament of Roses decided to enhance the day's festivities by adding a football game – the first post season college football game ever held. Stanford University accepted the invitation to take on the powerhouse University of Michigan, but the West Coast team was flattened 49-0 and gave up in the third quarter. The lopsided score prompted the Tournament to give up football in favor of Roman-style chariot races. In 1916, football returned to stay and the crowds soon outgrew the stands in Tournament Park. William L. Leishman, the Tournament's 1920 President, envisioned a stadium similar to the Yale Bowl, the first great modern football stadium, to be built in Pasadena's Arroyo Seco area. In 1922, the Pennsylvania team of Washington and Jefferson was enough of a East Coast powerhouse to be invited to the Bowl Game to play California. The lengthy preview article extolled the vitrues of the California team and ended with the sentence: "The only thing I know about Washington and Jefferson is that they are both dead." Admittedly, Washington and Jefferson lost that game miserably, but we stood in the stadium where it happened and we are better (entertained) for it. But the game garnered enough money for a new playspace to be built.

The new stadium hosted its first New Year's football game in 1923 and soon earned the nickname "The Rose Bowl." Never mind your high-tech new fangled stadiums...classic does just fine. It seems weird to tailgate on a golf course, but when in L.A..........well, we have to do what we can in the absence of any NFL games to go to here. (We're not quite ready to be Chargers fans ;-)

Monday, August 11, 2008

Surviving Universal Studios

For those who have been to the studios in Orlando, the park here is different from the one in Florida. The L.A. studios were originally used as actual movie lots before they created the theme park around it and many shows still film there. We started the day with the Studio Tour, which started out to be very - well - uninteresting. Perhaps becuase it was a Sunday and nothing was filming, the opening of the tour drives around a lot of the lot showing you the outside of buildings where cool things once happened. But they are just big buildings where nothing cool was currently happening. I can see those anywhere.

Eventually they got around to actual sets, mostly previous sets, but that part was really cool....especially the set of a big scene in the War of the Worlds remake, where they took an actual airliner and created a neighborhood with the plane having crashed. It was massive and impressive. These scenes, unfortunately, were interspersed with some cheesy film simulation experience (*****Spolier alert. If you plan to take the tour and don't want to know about surprises, don't read this!*****the tram went onto a lot allegedly cursed because The Mummy was filmed there and our tram was 'attacked'; we were also attacked by Jaws; and just to give you the authentic California experience, an earthquake. FYI - the simulated earthquake in the tram car...not NEARLY as scary as the real one. But my imagination runs WILD with what it must have been like in the tram ride in the earthquake exhibit while the ACTUAL earthquake happened.).

But wait through the bad parts and you can be rewarded with the decades-old sets that have been used in countless westerns or films set in Europe, and speciality built sets like the main downtown of Whooville for the live-action Grinch Who Stole Christmas, and the famed Bates Hotel in Psycho. It was great to see the set and then have a video on the tram show the movies a building or street was used in.


*****Second Spolier Alert*****
An aspect I found intriguing: the couple of spots there were actors - aspiring actors, let's say - stationed on the backlots simply to occasionally do something to entertain the tram riders. The first crew we came across were allegedly practicing stunts for something they were filming the next day. SURE they were. Practicing every day, apparently the film is held up by pending actor's strike. ANYWAY, they gave us an idea of what some stunt guys practicing might be like...so okay. The one that fascinated me most was the poor guy who looks like Norman Bates cast as the psycho. He sits out there in a fake motel room all day, waiting for trams to come by to he can carry a 'dead' body out to the trunk of a car, then 'spy' the tram and come after it with a knife. What exactly is the career path there? Does getting into the haunted house represent a step up for him? How does one list this role on a resume?

I seriously hope the hotel has cable hooked up in his room.......

After the tour we did rides, and some of them are really fun. I will spare you all the details - you'll have to come and see for yourself! But I will tell you about some special features you can find in Universal Studios.

#1 Child Switch. This is featured on many rides. Being childless, I didn't get to try this out myself, but perhaps you can upgrade. (Of course, none of my family or friends need this, but other people with brats..well..what a service! ;-p)

#2 Single-rider lines. This is to fill a row in a ride that fits 4 but has a group of three in its line. What I loved were the announcements seeking riders. They were looking for people who were alone or "willing to be seperated from their groups." So I am wondering who these willing defectors were. Did Dad get sick of the kids for a while, and offer himself up as a single rider? I can see why he might, because of #s3, 4 and/or 5).

#3 Beer carts. Sold along water, soda and lemonade, large cans of Modelo, Bud and Heineken keg cans. No lie. Right in the middle of the park. Because, of course, before you head out on to roller coasters and into 3-D Shrek movies, who doesn't want a few drinks? But perhaps that what dad was doing after ditching his family for the single-rider lines.....waiting for mom and the kiddies with a cold brewsky. (He'd better have one waiting for mom after that!)

#4 Foot Massagers. Sadly, these are not Swedish gods wandering the park available for a deep tissue fix. They are metal machines that vibrate rapidly under your feet for a quarter. They seemed awfully popular.....I guess it's true that people in L.A. are not used to walking.

#5 Full bar. There is an Irish Pub in the park. Bar stools, beers on tap, full liquor menu. Who doesn't want a vodka tonic before the Terminator Show? I kid, but we almost went in. But not just for the drinks. The Red Skins played in the Hall of Fame game....and we are so starved for football we were willing to even watch that.

So, these are the things that make surviving L.A. a little easier. Come on out...see for yourself. Or...just send the kids. We need to them to test the kid switch!

(And before anyone jumps all over me, I do know that the "Child Switch" is the waiting area by which one adult can ride a ride while another waits with a small child, and then they switch and the first adult can immeditately get on the ride without having the go through the whole line again. But don't tell me there weren't a few of you hoping for another meaning......don't worry...I won't call you out!)

We did take a lot of pictures that I am going to share through snapfish or some like service, they are too big to include them all on this email. I will, however, share one now.

On our way out of the park, we snapped the attached picture because, well, everyone else was trying to take pictures of and with this girl. So we figure she is someone famous....even though we have no idea who she is. Does that count as a celebrity sighting? Because that would bring our grand total to 5, although Jack Nicholson is the only one we could actually name.

Can famous people please start wearing name tags? It would really help Richard and I survive L.A.



EARTHQUAKE!!!

I am writing this email on July 29 at 11:54 PST, having just gone through my first Earthquake.

Apparently, there was a 5.8, centered somplace near Pasadena. Richard is not even in town.Jerk. He missed it. How could he not even share this with me?
http://quake.wr.usgs.gov/recenteqs/Quakes/ci14383980.htm
Of course, it's early, so that could change and I'm just sitting in my office, under my desk, waiting for the aftershocks.

Okay, that's not entirely true. I am under my desk to hide from my co-workers. They are mocking me. M-O-C-K-I-N-G.

The building started to shake and suddenly I am acutely aware that I work on the 15th floor and whoever thought that was a good idea for the girl that is afraid of heights was wrong, wrong, wrong. A co-worker, still working, mind you, looks over at me and sees the look on my face. "First one, eh?"

'Is that an earthquake?"

"Yeah," she says, in a tone of voice clearly intimating that I am an idiot if I think the building would sway that much for any other reason.

I pick up my cell phone and walk to the elevator lobby, the location I was TOLD to go to by our own building security in the event of an earthquake, because it is the most structurally sound part of the building. Noticably, I am the ONLY person there. After a few minutes, a few people peer out of the office at me standing there. They look at me, they look at each other, they look back at me....they laugh.

I fail to see the humor. Building security comes on and a voice that sounds shakier than I feel makes an announcement that everyone needs to stay in their suites and the building is being inspeacted. Eventually, I go back to my office. Where pretty much every last one of my co-workers has now stopped by with some lovely comment and a giggle.

But if you hear a knock on your door in the next few days, you may just find me, Vega and a pillow.
So, if you will excuse me, I am headed back under my desk with my lunch.....I'm trying to survive L.A.



Ice Cream Men

stop rubbing it in that you still get to live in VA and I had to move to hades. but at least my ice cream man is makes the place tolerable.
first - this is L.A. and we are eco-friendly. He pushes a cart around my neighborhood. No gas guzzlers here.
second - this is L.A. and we are health conscious. He also sells corn on the cob. on a stick. (apparently the cob is not convenient enough) but at least you can have a veggie before your chocolate-covered-caloriefest/
third - this is L.A. and we are all about entertainment. No horrific bad-church-slash-carny-organ-music here. He has some lovely bells that he plays out on the sidewalk.
fourth - this is L.A. and we are all about service. If you don't respond to the bells, he honks a horn at you. Because he knows what you want, and he knows you'll come get it from him.
(channels Montell Jordan)
'to all my neighbors, you got much flavor. This is how we do it'



Surviving L.A. - With Humor

Life takes humor.

Some days require more humor than others. And surviving L.A. takes all you can get.

Fortunately, L.A. delivers. Already Richard and I have been to the Improv to see some very funny people work the crowd. And last week, Richard and I took friends to watch 2 tapings of Lewis Black's "Root Of All Evil," a show on Comedy Central. The premise of the show is that Lewis Black is a judge and each week two comedians are 'prosecutors' who try to convince Judge Black that they have identified the 'root of all evil.' The first show we saw had Greg Giraldo puporting that it was steroids in sports, and Andrew Daly offering up boob jobs as the root of all evil. (I will print no spoilers, I know you are dying to find out. The shows begin airing again July 30th.) The second show that Kathleen Madigan making her case for Disney as the center of all things evil while Andy Kindler offered up evidence about Scientology bringing down the society.

Now, while this sounds like a casual evening out, this is not. Being an audience member for a show such as this is W-O-R-K! You have responsibilities. Obligations. You are not there to merely be entertained, you have been given a role and you'd better perform!

#1 - You HAVE to fill a seat. They don't want people leaving. Large guards stand near the exits directing people back at their seats. But if you do manage to escape, they capture people out on the street and bring them in to take your place....no empty seats allowed!

#2 - You HAVE to laugh. And when they have screwed up and are going through the same scene for the 4th time and it was only marginally funny the first time around...that is NOT an easy task! Fortunately, it's Lewis Black. And he is one funny, funny, FUNNY man. Some of the out-takes are the best part of the show!

#3 - You HAVE to look out for camera equipment. It swings in from over your head. It is pushed rapidly back and forth in front of you. It might turn on you. So not only do you want to be sure you are not in striking distance, you also want to be sure you are not picking your nose at an inopportune moment for all the country to see. The threat of being on camera is constant....now I know why so many people in L.A. are so vain. You never know when you might be exposed!

As for us, we were exposed in the second row, behind Andrew Daly on episode 1 and Andy Kindler on episode 2, if you watch. Which I recommend, because they are very funny episodes (even on the second and third uptake!)

#4 - if you are smart, you HAVE to pack a picnic. Which people in front of us clearly knew to do. They had a three-course picnic - an appetizer, sandwich, pie and their own clear drinks that the comedian entertaining us between scenes believed to be vodka on the rocks. Sadly, they were not sharing.

Next time, we will be prepared!
So, laughing all the way, we are still surviving L.A.



April

Well, in a sign that perhaps I am being assimilated into the lifestyle that is California, I am late with this installment. Not that CA is often late, but life is laid-back...not-to-be-hurried. But this is not an excuse, and I profusely apologize. Let me make it up to you. In addition to this email today, I will share pictures...a visual confirmation that we are eeking out a survival of this Land of the Angels.

This edition....Things Overheard in Los Angeles

"No ma'am, your don't need to put your dog in your purse."

Los Angeles is fabulously pet-friendly. Dogs are allowed in many stores, banks, work places and other buildings. Many restaurants have lots of outdoor seating adorned with water dishes for 4-legged friends. This city caters to the well-heeled canine, with everything from clothes and accessories to veteranarian specialists (eyes, skin, chiropractors, no kidding) and day spas. Yup, puppy massage. I wonder how long the schooling is for THAT qualification. (And, incidently, it's more expensive than getting yourself a massage.)

But it does not stop there. (You knew it didn't) Oh no. (Warning: Sean should skip down to the next thing overheard in Los Angeles.)

Los Angeles is 'pet-friendly'.....not just dog friendly. Certainly, dogs are the most prominate, but I have witnessed more than one cat on a lead. The first one was eyeing a small group of ducks on the water...trying to determine if the potential prize was worth getting wet...and I could only think that the owner was more torturing the cat then giving it any treat outside. Now, cats may not seem out of the ordinary. But this is L.A. and we will not be outdone!!!!

So, while I have not overheard this, this could be overheard: "Timmy, go walk Slither!"

You can probably guess what kind of animal I'm talking about. Yup, a snake. Being walked on Manhattan Beach. So where does one start shaking their head...at the owning of a serpent? At the mere walking of a serpent? Of the walking of a snake TO THE BEACH???? And....I know what you are thinking....how does one walk a snake anyway? Well, someone in CA firgured that out and it's a whole industry!

http://www.snakewalker.com/page5.html
Now, I know some of you probably are shaking your head in disbelief - at me. I have told Richard we must get into the habit of carrying the camera to capture these moments before we get reputations as liars. And I don't want you to not believe we when I see the person rumored to walk her turtle. Yup - her turtle. Now.....while I cannot understand why you would walk a snake, I do understand why you would walk a turtle. BUT....I do not understand why you would need a leash to do so. But I hear a leash is involved...I am trying for photographic evidence. And while I am all for positive pet experiences, if I ever see an arachnid on a leash, I'm moving back to New York.

"As soon as I find a few busses to roll, I'll call you."

These words were spoken by my friend, Bob, who is the art director on House. This town has people skilled in re-creating anything. Any place on the planet, any room to suit their needs, any scenario you -- or your favorite super hero - might hope to encounter. Including sticking busses on a 'spit', lighting them on fire and spinning them like a primitive campfire dinner to simulate a huge traffic accident. We were on the set recently; actually we were on several sets. The favored diner of the characters on "Bones" was being gutted the day we were there so that the "House" crew could use it as a restaurant of their own. I know poor Bob must think we are nuts for the constant questions we fire at him, but we think he has one of the coolest jobs on the planet. To walk on the set and then see how realistic the show is....the transition is amazing. I thought knowing what was real and what was fake and where stairs and tunnels ended might detract from the viewing experience....but no such deal. The fictional world Bob gets to create is fabulous to walk in.

You'll get an additional email from me with Snapfish pictures of our time on the set, as well as our hike to the site where they filmed the TV Show M*A*S*H. While the whole set is no longer there, it was fabulously nostalgic to stand on the helicopter pad and imagine the story unfolding.

We have also witnessed first-hand some filming. Apparently the exterior of Richard's office building is a favored spot for car commercials and a recent drive through Malibu took us past a new Lincoln commercial...because apparently the rest of the country must think here in California we all drive brand-new cars on the sand near the salt-water....and will buy a car to be like us.

"Yeah, I'm the guy in the Borat lawsuits."

We were told when we moved here that within 2 months we would know SOMEONE in the entertainment industry. We knew Bob already, but it is true that we have met production people, producers and we both work with people married to spouses trying to make acting careers for themselves. I also know someone from DC who moved out here and plays a Senator in the HBO series "John Adams." (Which, BTW, is fabulous....I highly recommend it.)

But at a recent George Washington University Alumni event we met an assistant to Sasha Baron Cohen, who made the mockumentary "Borat". During filming, the crew apparently were not completely honest with some of the people they recruited to interact with Borat and be in the film, and many people were TICKED OFF when the event was over. The guy named in many of the lawsuits was his assistant. (Apparently, he recruited many of the unsuspecting participants for the movie who did not know what the true intent of the movie was.) Good to know people in high places!

"Let's go eat at the restaurant on Kitchen Nightmare's!"

There is a line between wanting to be on TV and see a popular show in production and just what you are willing to do to be on that show. Many shows, like our recent invitation to see a live recording of American Idol, simply require the patience of Job to wait in line to get in. Other items require being in the right place at the right time, like our friend who got selected to be on "Take Home Chef." But....were we really willing to go eat at a restaurant that is so bad as to be featured on Kitchen Nightmares just to rub elbows with famous people. No...we were not. But that might change. And if you come to visit us...please give us as much notice as possible, as we might be able to find TV tapings for you to go to.

"Let's visit the sea lions."
Sea World is in San Diego....we don't need them. In addition to seeing schools of dolphin and - if you watch at the right times - migrating whales, there is a bouy off the Santa Monica Pier which is a favored home of as many sea lions as can realistically lay on top of one another at a time. The Snapfish photos include our time on the boat....including Richard's seafaring skills.



March

You've been waiting all month...haven't you ;-)

Food. I guarantee there will be future installments that include food. There are just too many amazing, and amazingly strange, items in this city that boosts more than 800 donut shops, where one of the most famous 'restaurants' is a hot dog stand, and the major newspaper keeps a current map of cupcake bakeries across the valley.

Los Angeles does pride itself on the trendy and uber chic...and that includes food. Afterall, this is the place that that spawned the infamous Pinkberry, the Japanese yogurt sensation causing major lines all over L.A. And the place with the 'secret menu' for a fast food restaurant. (Soooo secret. Top secret. Fort Knox secret. Found on their website.)

Did you see the episode of CSI with the restaurant where you eat in the dark? L.A. Inspired. You can eat ravioli there for $90.

Fondue? That's so 1977...and 2007, for that matter. The new wave in paying money in a restaurant to cook your own food is BBQ. Picture a hibatchi in the center of your table....and order up shrimp, fish, chicken, sirloin, oxtail, ox ass.

Don't want to cook the food, you say? Head for Raw. The name says it all.

No, you need cooked meat? How about goat? You can get that at Don Chuy's. Oh...but you say...that's not so unusual. Especially in a city with an ethnic mix rivaled only by the Cafeteria at the Olympic Games. Go eat in Chinatown, Little Tokyo, Little Ethiopia, Little Armenia and the growing crop of eateries offering fare from Uzbekistan. (More plov anyone? No? What about boiled manti?)

Burgers with apples on them? Purple rice? A Fire Dragon Fruit (described as a cross between a kiwi and a pomegrante, $8/fruit). Not impressing you?

How about the tasty treat of the chocolate bar with bacon? It's true. Invented by a guy. And I bet he had a hangover...it is really the only proper explanation for why you come up with this combination. (Let's just say Hershey is not going to be buying the recipe....) Allegedly he was enjoying a breakfast of chocolate chip pancakes and bacon when in a fit of multi-tasking he ate them together. I think a lot of 'cuisine' here was created after a night of binge drinking. How else do you explain "Roscoe's House of Chicken and Waffles"?

Convenient, you say? Well, this city is all about ease and convenience. They go overboard on the convenience, in fact. In your neighborhood, you might have ice cream treat opportunities brought right to your door accompanied by a lovely serenade of electronic symphonys. In my neighborhood, you can have your side dishes delivered that way. Well, not exactly. The cart only has bells on it, not a constant cycle of bastardized children's songs. And you only have one vegetable option. Corn on the cob.

On a stick.

Yeah....apparently corn-on-the-cob is not convenient enough for Los Angelians.....on a stick is it better.

So....we're surviving L.A. I doubt we'll be wasting away to nothing in the city of fun food selections. Richard might even expand his palate....rumor has it he tried truffles. On a pizza of course.

He's still standing, so I have hope.

Come visit! We'll take you to our favorite Peruvian Restaurant. Try the rice with figs.
Coming Next Month: things you hear in L.A.
"As soon as I find some buses to roll on the gimble, I'll call you."



February

Ahhhhh....February. The month of Amore. Valentine's Day. Our Anniversary. The Oscars.

The Oscars? Yeah...well, maybe not in the "I LOVE it!" category for Richard and me, but apparently if you live in L.A., you are required to swear allegiance to the small gold icon. We're not generally award show watchers, a characteristic I am apparently better off hiding in this town. Make no mistake, the writer's strike grated on people in this town. But not because people were out of work or because TV offered little to watch in the way of new entertainment....it was because the Oscars would be cancelled. This would be a worse scandal and cause more disappointment then Britany Spears carrying George Clooney's love child.

This town is entertainment obsessed. Case in point: this morning's local news. When I turned it on the anchors were chatting about the mews media awards they must have been nominated for, and how their weatherman - who has his own blog - was nominated for some award too....probably because of his witty blog. After a good 8 minutes of this, they got down to real news - the results of last night's American Idol show. Then...a story about how you can get devices to watch your TV's DVR on anything other than your TV....your computer, your Ipod, your cell phone, the TV in the guest room of the relative you are visiting so you don't have to converse with them, the TV in your limo that you sit in for hours in traffic on the way to an awards show.....because God Forbid you might miss your favorite program...or the news media awards show. (You know you're on the edge of your seat wanting to know if KTLA wins!)

Even people who don't work in The Industry are obsessed. Oscar statue necklaces make an appearance in the most academic of offices leading up to the show. Water cooler discussions become about what outfit you are wearing to your neighbor's Oscar Party. Sales of red carpet skyrocket. One word of caution if you venture into this town during the time period before the big show.....don't admit that you have not seen ANY of the movies nominated for Best Picture. I think I get a pass this year since I have not been here very long....but I clearly got the "you don't belong in this town" look for that admission. We do, afterall, have the busiest movie theater in the country right here in The Grove....how could I possibly not have gone there?

(As a side note, a new fad out here is the ability to call a movie theater, reserve a seat on a couch that may or may not be in a private section, and order food and drinks to be delivered to your seat. There are even shows that are 21-and-up. We MIGHT just go to the movies on occasion this year.....I'd better start studying the likely candidates for Best Pic!)

We did discover one fabulous side effect of this hysteria. While the Neilsen ratings for the Oscars were extremely low this year, all of the people who were watching were in L.A. If there is any exclusive restaurant you have ever dreamed of eating at....here's your chance to get a reservation. We decided to take that night to celebrate our anniversary and we had the restaurant practically to ourselves. It was us, the bartender and waitress who drew the short straws, and another couple who clearly must have been from out of town and not understood they were supposed to be parked in front of their TV. It was rather enjoyable for us.

So...we continue to survive L.A., despite our missteps that show our true colors as transplants. But next month could be a challenge as we expand our culinary adventure. Check next's month's installment for the Chocolate and Bacon Candy Bar. (And I bet you think I am making this stuff up!!!!)



Special Event

I had my annual women's health exam yesterday...which, as many of you are aware, is just so much fun in and of itself. But when I knocked my head on the glass shower door yesterday (because it was so clean I did not see it....) I should have known to just get back in bed.

Don't worry, this email is long but it does not contain TMI from my doctor's appt.

So...I have selected a doctor from the list of providers which, of course, I don't know. I turn to Google Maps to guide me to my destination. I enter my office address and the doctor's address and notice when it gives me directions that it no longer shows the street number on Santa Monica Blvd. where the doctor's office is. But I re-input the information 3 times and each time it gives me the same directions, so I figure it is correct. (you see where this is going, don't you?)

Reminder #1 - I'm new here.

The directions say to leave my office on Wilshire, travel 2.5 miles east to where Wilshire intersects with Santa Monica and I will be at my destination. Sounds easy enough, so I take off on my bike....and encounter hills I was NOT expecting (but can handle) and 2.5 miles later I arrive....in Beverly Hills. Now, as you all know from Reminder #1, I am not familiar with the entire area, but I did bet at that point that my doctor was not on Rodeo Drive. A quick check of the building numbers confirms.....there is no doctor there for me to see. So I call said doctor's office and find out I am, as I feared, several miles from where I need to be.

Reminder #2 - Yesterday was Ash Wednesday....a day of fasting.

So, I head west on Santa Monica Blvd., toward my destination, thankful that this was at least flat. Still, the bike was overall more than I was prepared for, so I'm a little warn out. The exam goes quite well and when it is over the doctor says, "get dressed and then we'll draw your blood."

me: "ummm....draw my blood? Is this standard procedure for annual visits here?'
doctor: "once you turn 35, we test for thyroid, liver function, cholesterol, blah, blah, blah (insert medical tests here)."

Well, Happy 35th Birthday to me. Let me recall your attention to Reminder #2. After the unanticipated activity, a lack of food and the blood letting, I'm no longer exactly feeling like myself.

So I head for home....there is no work getting done by me at the office that afternoon...and home is much closer. I get off the main streets and into a neighborhood where I am being passed by small children on tricycles....but at least I'm upright. I am approaching an intersection when into my pheriphal vision rides a commuter on his bike....please now picture 'the tortoise and the hare'. As he rides past me he turns his head to look at me....and is saying something to me I cannot make out and I am not nearly quick enough to say "look out!" when he slams, full speed, into the back of an SUV that had stopped at the stop sign.

I stop to ask the rider if he is okay. He's very shaken. At this point, the driver of the SUV is looking in his rearview mirror and back over his shoulder and finally at me in a state of confusion because he knows he's been hit but cannot see any car that would have hit him. The rider finally turns over and sits up and looks at me and says "You distracted me!"

ummmm.....what?

"You distracted me!" He starts mumbling under his breath and looking around at the debris from his bike and the SUV. A gentleman walking through the neighborhood who witnessed the whole thing starts to approach and another car stops to see if aide is needed. The driver is finally out and the other witnesses have stopped and I'm still feeling like I need food soon.....so I took off. Afterall, I did not want to be any more of a distraction....life in L.A. is distracting enough.



So I appear to be surviving L.A.....though it seems a bad time to have given up alcohol for Lent!



Week 3


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Yesterday I was walking along the beach while Vega trekked up and down the sand dunes and I saw a small group of dolphins playing in the waves, doing jumps that Sea World trainers could only hope to achieve. It was the kind of moment that makes one think "hey, living here is not so bad, I can even go for a breakfast omlette of Commune eggs." (I do not know exactly what those are, but I can have them with cheese.)

But then, I arrive at Friday and my appointment at the DMV where I have to take a driver's test. Now, I have been driving for 20 years (legally) and I have only had 3 tickets. And, to be fair, I knew what laws I was breaking when I got them. Isn't that enough to convince you I can effectively maneuver in Los Angeles Traffic? Okay, I might miss a question about how many cars are supposed to turn left after the light turns red and I might not know what the maximum speed limit is since there is no hope of ever being able to drive it....but seriously? A 36-question test has apparently foiled many would-be legal California residents.

And before you all laugh at me.....answer this. Do you remember what the recommended distance is to turn off your high-beams at on on-coming car? How about one you are following? Do you recall what red, blue, green and white-colored curbs designate. (Hint....in CA, one means you can only park there to unload mail....)

Actual question from the CA drivers test

Driving slowly in the left (fastest) lane:a) will make other drivers frustrated and angryb) is a good defensive driving techniquec) will help other drivers slow down

With a Class C drivers license a person may drive:
A 3-axle vehicle if the Gross Vehicle Weight is less than 6,000 pounds.
Any 3-axle vehicle regardless of the weight.
A vehicle pulling two trailers.

All of the following practices are dangerous to do while driving. Which of these is also illegal?
Listening to music through headphones that cover both ears
Adjusting your outside mirrors.
Transporting an unrestrained animal inside the vehicle.

You too can go online and take sample tests and see how well you do! Thank goodness I will live within walking distance from work!!!

Next week I will be surviving Iowa for the Chirstmas Holiday, which is a very easy and pleasant thing to do. Next installment in my quest to survive Los Angeles will come in the New Year.

I wish you all a very, very Merry Christmas, safe travels whereever you may go, and all the best in 2008.