Surviving L.A. - Takes Jewelry

Ironman races, Adventure races, marathons. I often get asked why I do such things. (Insane things, according to Richard.)

Self-fulfillment? The love of a challenge? Massacism?

In the case of last weekend the answer is simple: Jewelry.

Sorry it's blurry....it says "Run Like A Girl."

Last year my friend Sunghee asked me if I wanted to run the Nike Women's Marathon in San Francisco with her in October. As I poised my lips to say 'no' and list all of the reasons hilly San Fran was the last place I would run 26.2 miles, she added: "The finisher's medal is a necklace designed by Tiffany's presented to you at the finish line by men in tuxedoes."

Well, we all know how much I love a man in a tux, so I said yes. And, because misery loves company, I recruited friends. There ended up being 8 of us in all, training through the year to run around San Francisco looking for men in penguin suits ready to give us jewelry.

If you are considering running a half or full marathon in your life, I HIGHLY recommend this event. And not just for the necklace. It is well done, well attended, well cheered, well mapped and for a good cause.

The course started at Union Square in the main shopping district near Nike Town, where all participants names as listed on a giant wall. The race started at 7 a.m., and was really well organized. You ran toward the water, and then swept past some of the iconic sites of San Fran just as the sun is rising (depending on fog) - Alcatraz, Fisherman's Wharf, the Golden Gate Bridge. The hills are not the worst that San Fran could throw at you, and they are early in the race. I was pleasantly surprised at how well we ran them, but I think the distractions of the views probably helped. It also helped that nearly every mile had some form of entertainment, from a gospel choir to bagpipers to a steele drum band.

Many of the sponsors also had stretches of positive, inspirational messages to keep you motivated. About mile 9 you reach the top of the last of the bigger hills and drop down onto the beach. The wind off the water is not bad and the views make it worth any extra effort. Here is where the half and full marathon's split. The full racers head off deep into Golden Gate Park while the half runners dip into the park and end back to the water's edge for the finish line. After a few miles in the park, the full emerges to run along the water past the San Francisco Zoo and then out around Lake Merced, pushed on by a fabulous 80s cover band.

Mile 22 greets you with Ghriardelli Chocolate samples before you head back up one small hill and down the homestretch along the water.

I ran the race with my friend Debbie and we had a goal of finishing. Not lofty, I suppose, but good enough for us. We were there to have fun, and we did. In fact, I carried my blackberry and was able to snap pictures, post to Facebook and chat with Richard while I was moving along. If I ran it again, I would be far more serious about actually trying to run it well, but for this time, I wanted to soak in the experience of the city, the views, the commaraderie and the fun.

A big thanks to Sunghee, for the suggestion; to Theresa, for coming down from Seattle; to Debbie, for training with me and running with me; and to her husband Scott and my dear Richard, ever my cheerleader.

He may shake his head then he hear's me ask if he's okay with me doing the next crazy event....but he helps me survive L.A. And I now have a fabulous little piece of jewelry to wear while doing it.

One of the best parts of this race was our commitment to fun...which included taking pictures and uploading/posting to Facebook in-race (and chatting with Richard). So, these are camera phone and not the best, but....run along with us! (Though, I am not in any of these pics, just the photographer.)

Wall of racer names at Niketown

Get ready to go!

View of Alcatraz, about mile 4

Down to the beach!

Entertainment in Gold Gate Park


Back along the beach for the home stretch!

FINISH in sight!

Why, yes, I'd love a Tiffany Necklace, thanks!

Surviving L.A. - Takes Supertitles

Foreign movies have subtitles, operas have Supertitles. Rather than scrolling along the bottom of a movie screen, supertitles are displayed at the top of a stage, so that those of us not fluent in the traditional opera languages of German, French, Russian and - in the case of L.A. Opera's opening show for 2009-2010 - Italian, can follow along.

Richard and I had the unique opportunity to attend the L.A. Opera's Season Opening Gala Saturday and enjoy The Elixir of Love, L'Elisir D'Amore. Those intimate with Richard and me know we are far more likely to spend Saturday's at college football games than operas - but remember that our motto for our time on the West Coast is "New and Different." And WOW did this qualify. (Besides, UCLA had already beat Tennessee.)

Richard donned a tuxedo and even tried a mushroom cannoli at the Opera Gala....we really are expanding our horizons beyond our previous boundries. (Yes, he now OWNS a tuxedo...can ballroom dancing lessons be far behind?)

From a novelty perspective, our experience was fabulous. We had an extremely enjoyable evening and while I don't think we'll be buying season tickets to the opera, I will share with you what I learned as a first-time opera-goer.

1. L'Elisir D'Amore, The Elixir of Love, is apparently a great production for your first one. "It's a comedy and it's short" (a mere 2:45 with intermission!) was an oft-repeated phrase from those in the know.

2. If you are a single guy interested in an older woman....get a ticket to this event! There were packs of seemingly affulent cougars roaming the halls. One women from a not-to-be-divulged-brand-name-family had seemingly pulled out every piece of Dolce & Gabbana jewelry she owned to showcase at once. No matter that it didn't match. And nothing says "I'm hot" more than a designer dress cut to show off the pacemaker surgery scar.

3. Speaking of outfits.....even if opera is not your idea of a fun Saturday night....you might go by just to see the patrons show up for the pre-gala cocktail party. I think some people thought this was a costume ball. (And I thought the Miami Vice-style-white-pants-color-jacket-combo tux had ended with my prom...apparently I was wrong.) Fortunately for tourists, the gala puts these outfits on display with a long red carpet walk into an outdoor cocktail party with only stantions between us and the cameras off the local tour bus. (For the record, Richard looked amazing walking the carpet in his tuxedo.)

4. Oh...you're wondering about the show itself? L.A. is NEVER about the main event when a red carpet is involved! The entire storyline is printed in the program (or found online) which is to aid in your understanding. It does, however, also spoil the ending and erase the opportunity for rousing speculative discussion during the intermission....will our hero get the girl? Will the heroine find her heart? Who dies at the end? How much longer is this...are we really staying for the whole thing? (Oh...just kidding...)

5. Spoiler Alert.....the "Elixir of Love" is a cheap bordeaux. (I could have told you that!)

6. However good a short comedy might be, you must remember that an opera is intended to be a showcase for amazing voices, not necessarily a showcase of acting talent or intricate plot lines. If you want 2 hours and 45 minuts of intellectual comedy, go rent Gross Pointe Blanke and watch and episode of The Daily Show.

7. If you decide to go to an opera, educate yourself as to quality of voice so to enhance your experience - and look like you have experience. I clearly lack the understand/appreciation of tenors/sopranos/falsettos to know when I was hearing something that should wow me. This became grossly apparent when a character would stop singing and the theater would explode in wild applause all around me, and I would be caught looking like I had just woken up. I wish I had a DVR and could rewind to hear what I had inadvertantly missed. But for the novice - when everyone else applauds...you'd best go along...lest you stick out!

8. They serve alcohol before the opera....during intermission...and after the show. I'm not saying you need a drink to enjoy opera...but you feel free to draw your own inference.

9. The supertitles are displayed at the top of the stage. They are NOT intended to be a full, literal translation. They reminded me of a Kung Fu movie dubbed into English. The words would say "she loves me" and the guy would sing for 2 minutes. But maybe that's a lot of words in Italian, what do I know?

10. The bows for the cast after a performance last almost as long as the second act. Seriously. And the ovations rival Catholic Mass aerobics.

11. Placido Domingo is an amazing singer.....and a long talker. When he got up to speak at the post-performance gala, a woman at our table informed us we should sit back and relax....he goes on and on and on and on.....bring your iPod.

So, we continue to survive L.A. - tuxedos and all. Even though Placido is still at the podium talking....

Surviving L.A. - Takes Cardboard (for your wine, of course!)

Living in California can quickly make you a wine snob. The close proximity of an abundance of fabulous wineries can quickly flood your wine cellar and make you wonder how ANYONE could possibly still drink cheap White Zinfandel when tantalizing blends of sweet champagne can be had for $8?

The upside of membership in 4 wine clubs is that we have stopped hoarding every good bottle for a special occasion. The downside is my new attitude that I'm too good for Two Buck Chuck.

Next thing you know Richard is running off to buy a tuxedo for opera galas....and we needed to be reined in.

Fortunately, our good friends Bob and Leslie can help us maintain proper perspective by inviting us to Chateauneuf de Cardboard for a Boxed Wine Tasting and reminding us that good things come in packages of all sizes, shapes, and materials - like specially designed cardboard boxes keeping 'open' wine good for....well....we have yet to find out.

I know boxed wine usually gets the side-eye for the party guest who shows with the white Franzia box that looks like it was snatched from a sorority house kitchen. But today's sophisticated palates may find a taste they really enjoy coming out of a cube...including:

(To be read with a French accent) Target Merlot and Target Pinot Grigio - very affordable, drinkable, every day wine to keep in the fridge.

Pinot Evil - which also comes in a bottle, but a box is great for when the evening calls for one glass. (We don't know when that is...but...just in case it ever happens.)

French Rabbit Chardonnay (our contribution) - an extremely light, French white best served cold enough to need your own faux fur.

Bota Box Old Vine Zinfandel - Richard's Favorite of the evening

Bota Box Shiraz - Bota Box apparently makes several great boxed varities that stays fresh after the box is opened 45 days. And just WHO would take 45 days to finish a box of wine? We don't know these people.

Killer Juice Sauvignon Blanc - hints of citrus and summer with no cardboard aftertaste!

White Wine for Chilling (in the family of Red Wine for Grilling) - When soliciting recommendations for our purchase I was told that White Wine for Chilling paired very well with a Camelbak. The bladders could be easily changed out and made for a great accompaniment on a hike.

So we continue to survive L.A. - even sans cork. Enjoy your favorite box tonight!

Surviving L.A. - Takes a tuxedo

If you were called - from Hollywood - to save the world, could you step up? Play the part? Dress the part? This week, my husband the clothes horse was about to find out.

I worried what covert international crisis might be afoot when I saw the cryptic message: "We have a problem." "What's the problem?" I typed timidly, fearing Ernst Stavo Blofeld had kidnapped Placido Domingo and threaten modern arias as we knew them. The ominous words that make women everywhere rejoice appeared on the screen. "Black tie."

Since Richard made the grave mistake of marrying me, I have been telling him he should just buy a tuxedo. I thought a wedding was a good reason for an investment, and he a few opportunities to step out in style in the last few years. I think men who own tuxedos are incredibly sexy. Why that, in and of itself, did not bring about the purchase is a matter of on-going discussion..... but....

Apparently, my strategy should have been to move to L.A.

How could anyone in such a fashion-forward town not be prepared for every event? Neither of us needs suits for work (yeah, I'm rubbing it in, kinda...). We need bathing suits for the beach...wetsuits for surfing...fire-retardant suits for the wildfires....something for that last-minute invitation to a black-tie opera gala or call to stand in for a high-stakes poker game where the free world is in the ante.

We don't have an earthquake preparedness plan, but when the call from Q comes in, Richard will be ready. After following tips and gathering intel and negotiating a treaty with a disappearing ink pen, Rick Bond is now the proud owner of a striking suit ready for Beverly Hills Cocoktail Parties, Hollywood Premieres, Children's Birthday Parties and the Fat Lady Singing.

His reference to "the noose" no longer refers to his wedding ring.

But as all well-heeled heros have a fatal flaw, Richard has an evil side that comes out toward his leading ladies....

He won't wear the tux until I learn how to tie the bow-tie.

00Jerk.

I have 2 weeks to learn....or else my Elixir of Love will be a lonely night sans my knight in shiny lapels and french cuffs.

For those wondering what finally convinced my nominee for best-dressed-in-the-comedy-we-call-Surviving-L.A. to don the strait jacket, the clues are encrypted here....or you can catch the ending when it comes out on DVD (see Surviving L.A. in 2 weeks).

For now we continue to Survive L.A. - just with a lot more style!

Surviving L.A. - Takes Bacon

Those who purport that L.A. has perfect weather in the 70s year round are big fat liars. We are currently living under heat advisories of up to 106-degrees. So what? they say. Enjoy the heat and have some crispy bacon.

Bacon. The heavenly mix of savory maple meat has been for more than breakfast for many years now, it’s true, when it first migrated off the breakfast plate onto burgers, pizzas and baked potatoes. Long ago did foodies proclaim the glory that is bacon-wrapped food: filets, shrimp, scallops, figs, melon. (Melon…who was the first one to think of that?)

This is L.A., my friends, and if you have not learned by now, you never will – L.A. is hell bent on doing things differently under the guise of trend-setting. Sure, NY has street vendors with tasty hot dogs, our street vendors wrap theirs in bacon. Try passing up THAT smell without drooling. There is a public food fight going on right now with the city of Carson, where they are trying to ban these purveyors of bacony goodness and the public is not standing for it.

We even wrap bacon around saddle of rabbit. Okay, I don’t know what saddle of rabbit is, but you can apparently get it wrapped in bacon on Bastille Day at Comma Ca in Hollywood. Take that, you puny melon-ball makers!

Others will find meat-wrapped-meat too pedestrian. So an inventive foodie enjoying chocolate chip pancakes and a side of bacon one day decided to merge the two into a chocolate bar with bacon bits. (We tried this – to mixed reviews. Other than a gag Christmas Stocking Stuffer, I can’t say I’d buy it again. Though it did seem a better option than the chocolate bar with dried mushrooms that was on the counter next to it.)

If bacon as dessert appeals to you, then visit a Bakersfield-area ice cream shop that has bacon ice cream on the menu. (Would you like maple syrup to make that a sundae?) How else would you end your meal of bacon fried rice in Fresno?

Some purists are unhappy with the defamation of the beloved meat. Chefs at the upscale BLT Steak on Sunset Strip think the bacon stands alone, and offers 6 slabs of it (slices does NOT do the dish justice) as an appetizer, wrapped around nothing but a large price tag.

You may not believe the hype. Isn’t Los Angeles health-conscious? Sure, which is why the April 2009 L.A. Times edition showed us how to get that bacon satisfaction without the calories and fat. J&Ds Bacon Lip Balm. Brings a whole new definition to the term “kissable lips,” doesn’t it?
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/alltherage/2009/04/bacon-lip-gloss.html

Los Angelians even have precautions should the next earthquake break us off and set up adrift toward South America…..canned bacon. No earthquake preparedness kit is finished without it. Get yours here:
http://www.canned-bacon.com/

And bookmark the L.A Times article, 1,001 things to do with bacon so you, too, can enjoy the meaty goodness every day. (you must check out the picture…. http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/dailydish/2008/12/bacon.html...tempting!!!)

We continue to survive L.A, especially the Vega dog, who has found one west coast trend she is happy to sink her teeth into.

Takes fleas

No, not on the Vega Dog.



Flea markets.



I know what your first thought is....AJ....there are flea markets everywhere. True. But L.A. couldn't possibly do things without its own special flair.



True, your run of the mill yard sales occur here every weekend. But on one special Sunday a month, the yard sale puts on its L.A. best and heads for Pasadena to take over the Rose Bowl on a grand scale.



I can hear you now - 'we have flea markets here too!'



Oh yeah? How much do your fleas cost? Everything has a premium here. Ours even charges early bird admission for the real thrill seekers.



Does your sell $5000 Rolex watches?



Do people wear tuxedos to yours????



No? Then come to L.A. for the show.



Pay your $8 and you, too, can stroll miles of....uh....stuff. The website claims "Name the item and the Rose Bowl Flea Market is bound to have it." This is no understatement. You can buy all of someone else's unwanted treasure you want. Housewares, jewelry, vinyl records, old furniture, antiques, 'vintage clothing' you could wear to a costume party and 'vintage bikes' that might not get you down the block (banana seat, anyone?). Arts and crafts of every variety - candles, soap, jewelry, art - and creative inventions such as the football helmet dog beds, customizable to any team. And who has a marshmallow thrower on their Christmas list?



You can linger by the resellers of antiques such as Hummels and old Playboy Magazines, and brand new items such as the skin we picked up for my blackberry or any variety of socks you could possibly want.



Not impressed yet? What about the Rolex's, you ask? Yes, indeed, you can drop serious cash at this rummage sale on gorgeous, real watches. Rolex. Omega. Cartier. Vintage Mickey Mouse. Pocket watches and grandfather clocks.



Okay...high end watches...what else? Does your flea market have articles from movie sets? No? Well, come to Pasadena and you too can own the stools used by John Goodman in the live action Flintstones movie. Or perhaps one of Dracula's coffins. (To be pulled out as the guest room bed the next time an unwanted in-law drops in.) If you have ever wondered what happened to old stage sets, you might want to check out our little (you know....only 2,500 vendors) rummage sale where you, too, can buy furniture that looks like it walked off a Jetson's set or out of the Brady Bunch house. You could re-create an entire bowling alley from just one of the vendors (or have a lovely pair of bowling shoes for every family member at your next reunion).



Doesn't that sound like something people would wear tuxedos to shop for? Okay, maybe not the WHOLE tux...only the white coat. With tails. Over his white half shirt. And white cut off jean shorts. It's truly an upscale affair. Have a beer as you stroll among the treasures - who cares if it's 10 a.m.? You need something to wash down the kettle corn.



Now, don't worry if you didn't pack your tux...you can buy a vintage one at the market. Lace and all. What color would you like? How about sea foam green? It will blend right in with the entire bedroom set of the same color that is available. Not the right blue for your decor, you say? How about the set of four (still attached) royal blue theater seats....removed when cup holders became all the rage. Didn't you want those for your breakfast nook?



If you're not in the mood to buy (or not in the market for swords from the set of Kung Fu theater or the hand claw a la He-Man villian Skeletor), you'll still have entertainment value for the price of your admission. You can star watch. According to the website, big stars shop there. We didn't see any of famous people we could identify (they must have paid for the early bird special), but we did see people looking to be discovered. The people-watching rivals Venice Beach. In addition to Mr. Tux, there was a lady selling vintage clothes modeling some of her wares looking like Lucille Ball. Then there was the train guy riding a scooter, decked out like a train, complete with whistle and caboose. He stopped at any and all vendors offering trains and inspected their wares. And the guy who had a motorized cooler on wheels, complete with bar taps front and back, never far away from his favorite brew. And if the woman head to toe in a Solid Gold Dancer costume makes you nostalgic, you can pick up one of your grade school lunch boxes - Peanuts anyone? - or Rainbow Bright dolls. A Care Bear. Or Papa Smurf. Or Strawberry Shortcake (10 points if you can name the villian!). Or an Ewok Village set. Or the Star Wars Pez dispenser set.



So the next time you're in the market for...well, anything....take a look around and ask yourself..."wouldn't the dragon head coffee table look fantastic in my living room?"...and remember, it's what's helping us Survive L.A.

P.S. for those still racking their brains: The Purple Pieman

Surviving L.A. - Takes an African Savannah

Despite what the over-watering folks in Beverly Hills would try to have to you think when you look at their lush, green lawns, Southern California is, in fact, a desert. And much of it is brown, with lots of exposed dirt. The stars may want their large lawns and water features, but there are some on this earth who prefer it in the natural state.

Hippies.

Pic: These are NOT California natives

Pic: This is NOT our backyard.

Pic: Vega is NOT romping here.

Pics: Where in California are you?

And Hippos...and other desert-dwelling animals.

Sadly, because of what humans are doing to the planet, many animals are at risk of extinction. In the 1960s, a veterinarian looked at 18,000 acres in Escondido (north of San Diego, about 2 hours from Los Angeles) and determined that, while not all humans find Southern California to have the 'perfect' weather (some of us who like snow will remain nameless), there are many animals who needed a quiet place away from the devastation of humans to try to stage a comeback.

Pic: A small petting zoo with more than just goats!!!

Pic: Animal areas in the San Diego Wild Animal Park are very open.

I am generally not a big fan of zoos, I hate animals in small cages. But I admittedly give the San Diego Zoo and Wild Animal Park a pass because of the overall work they do helping animal populations world wide. I also think many of their habitats are better for the animals than other zoos.

So Richard and I became members at the zoo and that allows us admission to both the zoo in San Diego and Wild Animal Park in Escondido. I was disappointed that there was not a bigger variety of animals in the Park (lots of different gazelles though!) but the place is very cool.

Pic: I am sorry I could not get a picture of the gorilla in the cave...HE was ENORMOUS! But this one was cute too.

Picture: Animals can coexist.

The park features one wide-open area that is Africa where they let many of the non-predator animals cohabitate - gazelles, deer, rhino, giraffes, wildebeests, warthogs, ostrich, antelope..... Much more like the actual lives the animals would lead in the wild, with one noteable exception....the zebra. These gorgeous creatures are apparently the ornary instigators of the Serengeti...known to bite off the tails of others, including their own family members (and you thought your sibling rivalry was bad!).

The organization also does remarkable work with breeding and reintroduction, so it is a very educational experience and we got to see a bunch of baby animals including a rhino, cheetah, pelican (in the nest), countless gazelles, a bunch of young elephants including a 7-week-old that was adorable and a litter of tiger pups you just wanted to take home and cuddle. (Vega vetoed that.)

Pic: Three adorable tiger cubs playing in the pool. Given the heat, I nearly joined them.


Pic: Is everything adorable when it's smaller?

Picture: He's 7-weeks-old and as cute as can be!

Picture: This baby is 776-pounds!

We were not able to get on the special tour we wanted to do (there is a tram tour included in the ticket, but then a ton of extra, special tours you can buy) because it was sold out, but we'll definitely go back and either make a reservation ahead of time or know to buy our tickets as soon as we are heading into the park.

Pic: One of the extra tours you can do is a zip line over the park.

One special thing they do at both parks that we (or at least I) WILL be doing before we leave CA is an event called "Roar and Snore." They have permenant tent locations (that are actually pretty nice) and you pay to sleep overnight in the park. They do an after-hours tour (which they say in the spring mating season can get pretty interesting) and then you eat and sleep in the park. It looks like an awesome experience (anyone want to join me?).

Pic: The Camp Site, the balloon tour in the background. You can fly high over the park and get the birdseye view.

Pic: Lions do not like illegal parkers! But find them tastey!

Pic: If you look at the end of the log the comes in from the left and hits the ground. There are actually 3 cheetah sisters there. I swear. Don't tell Richard you can't see them, he already wants a new camera.

So we continue to survive L.A. - and fortunately, so do many animals that need a little survival help.

Surviving L.A. - Takes Speed

And there is no speed to be had in Los Angeles, where traffic is clogged 24/7.

So you have to go to Long Beach. Where 35 years ago someone decided that they could charge admission for people to watch racers speed nearly 200 mph down a road on which the rest of us are lucky to hit the 45 mph speed limit. Not nearly fun enough, you say? "Okay, let's stick a 90-degree angle turn at the end of the straight away. Then, for good measure, we'll put a hair-pin turn after that. People will pay big to see that!"

Pic: Being this close to the track is L-O-U-D.

And they do, making the Grand Prix of Long Beach the biggest sporting event in California. (Mostly because it's 6 races over 4 event days complete with heavy metal concerts, motorcycle jumping events, alcohol sponsors and funnel cake.) So now, Surviving Long Beach takes earplugs.

Pic: This is a shot of the back of the 'Seaside Suites'.

Pic: Cars preping for the race.

But what about the safety of those willing to shell out the big bucks? Oh, a stack of tires and some fencing ought to do it, right? Check out the pictures below. No, I do not own a camera with a telephoto lens.

So that is where Richard and I sat this weekend, getting a neck workout watching the cars downshift from the left and careen around the turn to our right, where Richard kept rooting for someone to end up in the opposite wall.

Scenes from Turn 9:

Pic: This guy tried, he ended up the wrong way after turn 9.

Pic: Turn 9 was too much for some, and there was a hidden crew waiting to try to help get cars back on the track.

Pic: This guy needed more than a little help.

While the major race is held on Sunday, the 'fun' is Saturday, a day clearly designed by the beer-guzzling, perpetual frat boy nephew of the races organizers.

The Drifting Competition - in which the goal is the loudest tire screetch and the most tire smoke during your lap.....because THAT is indicative of good driving. One inhale of tire smoke and we headed for the funnel cakes.

Pic: Shot of a drifting competition car....which at this point, was trying to drive backwards. Can't be easy for a race car driver.

The Tequlia Petron American Le Mans Series Race - who doesn't mix tequlia with speed? Tequila is what they must have been drinking when they came up with this idea: squish three races into one. They have 3 different races between 3 different classes of cars simultaneously running on the same track. I wish someone had told me that before the race so it didn't become a Laurel and Hardy skit for me to ask "Who's winning?"

-Who's winning what?

-The race.

-Which race?

-The race right here. (points at current car going by)

-Oh that race? That Acura is.

-But he's behind that Porsche.

-Yes.

-So he's losing.

-No, the Porsche is winning.

-But you said the Acura was winning.

-The Acura is winning.....

And what was in our opinion the highlight of the day:

The Celebrity Race - I really would have loved to be in the room when brother T-Bone from Tappa Kegga Bru busted out this idea:

T-bone: "I got it, let's give a bunch of celebrities some cars, tell them that they are not liable for any of the damage, and turn them loose on the track to race. It'll be like the Grand Prix at Disneyland for adults."

Race Organizer: "But that will just become bumper cars, no one will take it seriously."

T-bone: "Only, then a minute after they start, we'll send some professional drivers after them. Kinda like cat and mouse, huh-huh."

Pic: The 'pro' drivers released after the celebrity drivers have taken their pace lap, waving to the crowd.

And the race organizers rejoiced, and invited celebrities to come fulfill their childhood dreams of being Indy Car racers, and invited professional car racers to experience the frustration of a lifetime - navigating their way from the back to front of a pack of unskilled, over-insured drivers in cars they did not own.

The field of Paul-Newman-Cross-Over-Wanabe's included Tim Daly (Private Practice, Wings), Keanu Reeves (Speed, Matrix), Alex Trabek (Host of Jeopardy), Raven-Symone (Jump the shark kid on Cosby and Disney Channel star), Danny Way (skateboarder), Carlos Mencia (comedian), Mary Lynn Rajskub (Chloe from '24'), and Eric Close (Without a Trace).

And playing the roles of the frustrated pro drivers were Jamie Little, Al Unser, Jr., Johnny Benson and Coy Gibbs.

Upholding the sterotype of the terrible female driver was Raven, who 3 times crashed her car, twice with no help from anyone at all.

Upholding the sterotype of the slow old driver - who was Alex Trebek? - who, even when all the other cars filed into a close-knit line during one of the caution laps, lagged seriously behind, blinker ticking and never shutting off.

The victory lap was shared by Al Unser, Jr. and Keanu Reeves, who owes Raven a role in his next movie since she took out Danny Way - who had led most of the race.

Pic: Richard and AJ on the track through Pit Row

Pic: Pit Row

I would like to add to this post that those of you who told us the weather was always gorgeous in SoCal must have never lived here....or got our before global warming got really bad. It was 95 degrees in L.A. this weekend, and hotter on the track where we got to stand for a brief period of time. Part of our day included a pit tour, which (given that the group was mostly men) involved a lot of standing and leering at Danica Patrick's pit area.

Pic: Danica Patrick's computer set-up in the pit

Pic: Danica herself.

Heat aside, we are surviving L.A. - Slowly. One of the hardest things to do is watch a Grand Prix race, then sit in traffic the whole....way....home.

Surviving L.A. - Takes Cheese Curds

We're trying to survive L.A., but there are times when we just need the comforts of home. For Richard, that means cheese curds. (Deep fried, of course.)



On my first trip to the mid-west I was given the opportunity to try a food product that Richard thinks is sent from Heaven itself...a gift of the saints. Cheese Balls. (Get your own - my very benevolent husband does not share his cheese balls [Alex, insert joke here]).



Cheese curds are virgin cheese. Unaged. Before the cheese advances and gets hard, it is formed into tasty bites that are evaluated on their squeakiness. These tender young morsels are then breaded and deep fried. Think mozzerella cheese sticks with fresh cheddar.



And L.A. thought it had the market on cool food.



The midwest apparently tried for years to keep a cap on its best kept secret. Richard ate cheese balls en masse when he was home in Iowa because they were no where to be found in DC. In fact, few things made Richard so happy as the time his family came for a visit toteing a cooler of frozen deep fried cheese curds...which are so plentiful in the midwest you can buy them in the grocery store....but not get them anywhere on the East Coast.

When I was still wooing Richard I tried to make cheese balls. I'm a pretty good cook, but this went into the category of complete and utter failure. Even Richard, who is always honest (please don't make this again) and sometimes tender in his criticisms could not hold back. "These don't just look bad, they are inedible."

Apparently I would fail as a midwest chef.


So it was grand excitment recently at 8 oz. when Richard raised his hands to cease all conversation so he could point to the waitress at the next table and demand "what are those? I need a menu now."



Wisconsin cheese curds. On the menu. It's very possible that was the reason we went to 8 oz. 3 Saturdays in a row.



I thought this was a grand find. A place to satiate the palate of my dear husband. An occasional stop between trips to Iowa to tide him over. Satisfaction delivered from a deep fat fryer. Little did I know....



Just as the smog in L.A. permeates your brain, so did the scent of cheese curds infect Richard's nostrils....not to abate. So much has this obsession grown (is he just crying out for the culinary delights of home?) that tonight in my in-box I have no less than 6 emails from him on the very topic....ranging from places to get them to recipes for me to try to make for him. (Isn't he sweet, thinking of me like that.....)



So Richard may just survive L.A. yet - due to this newest discovery. (And me, well, I'll survive wherever Richard is. [Alex, insert gag sound here] As long as I can make deep fried cheese curds.)

Surviving L.A. - Takes A Great Escape

In order to truly survive L.A., one must escape it from time to time. Fortunately, California offers so many amazing options. Wine country, San Diego, the Pacific Coast Highway, Death Valley, Palm Springs, Monterrey, Fresno, San.....wait....Fresno?

My knowledge of Fresno was that the town lent itself as the title and setting to a 1986 mini-series parody of prime time soap operas. Fresno starred Carol Burnett and Charles Grodin (among many others) as the first family of raisins. Being the 'pit' of such jokes, I could not imagine what our interest in actually going there would be.

"Oh my God, you can get the best food in Fresno." This is the rationale for any trip there from our friends George and Leah. I really, truly thought they were joking when they said if we EVER wanted to go up there, they would be up for a road trip just to eat there again. Really, Fresno?

Richard was even more skeptical than I, considering he goes to Fresno every week; it is the town near the POM Wonderful plant in Del Rey, where the POM Wonderful-ness happens. However, his steady diet of pizza, burgers and tex mex had really only taken him as far as Me-N-Eds and Taco Bell.

Then, like an angel's voice carried on the wind breaking through the heavy L.A. smog, I heard the secret: Bacon Fried Rice.

Apparently this brilliant concoction is served at a Japanese steakhouse in Fresno and it's enough to lure any person back. Okay I was sold, when were we going?

We went when escaping L.A. was even more imperative -- when the wild fires were occuring in Sepulveda Pass. Unfortunately for us, we needed to drive through Sepulveda Pass to get to points north, and the promise land, Fresno, where one can find the to-die-for fried rice. Ah, but Richard is never without the latest gadget, and we have GPS navigation systems...we can get around this! So, apparently, so can the 2,746 other cars on the road, which clogged up the one mountain road we could find to circumvent the fires. The 3-hour car ride became 6, and our first culinary experience of the trip was a Wendy's.

When driving into Fresno you can't help but understand the inspiration for the mid-80s Falcon's Crest spoof. Contrasting the black gold barons on Dallas are the royalty of breakfast cereal compliments, those tasty black nuggets of sweetness making bran worth eating. While not quite as bad as sausage, raisins share something in common with the meat product....you might not want to see them being made. No need for a tour, the rudimentary process for 'making' raisins is laying them on butcher block-type paper in the sun, right along the roadway. Pull your car over and take a look, but please don't idle, it's hard enough to think about all the exhaust spewed over the yummy ingredient in my father's cinnamon-raisin bread. I now have a theory that all raisins actually should be golden...but....well, for the sake of my next bagel, let's not pursue that line of thinking.

After an amazing personal tour of the POM Wonderful factory, which was fascinating but decidedly bacon-free, we called the restaurant to make a reservation.

To find that none were available.

Apparently, bacon-fried rice is not a well-kept secret. You cannot imagine the disappointment after a 6-hour stop-and-go road trip that was only fueled by the scant scent of sizzling pork product. Instead, one of Richard's colleagues invited us to the Purple Potato. This place was not even on our navigation system, causing the car passengers to give a hard time to the driver, who shall remain nameless, for taking us to a place named after a food product the color of which could only be explained by large amounts of the same exhaust that covers the sweet raisins. AND, there was no bacon fried rice on the menu.

We did, begrudgingly, have to ultimately admit to Richard that the food at the Purple Potato was actually fantastic, and perhaps it lent credence to the rumor that the greater Fresno area does, in fact, have amazing gastronomic experiences to offer visitors.

Richard took me back to Fresno a few weeks later for the Christmas party for the POM Wonderful plant. We had a fabulous time, but I would like to point out that I still have yet to experience the make-me-drool-just-thinking-about-it bacon fried rice. I am starting to think it is just an urban legend. The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. The Holy Grail.

But Fresno is one gateway to Yellowstone and its natural wonders, so I will be back. And I have deliberately left the name of the restaurant out of this entry so that I can get a reservation next time. I'm not leaving until I can fully report back on the elusive, succulent, savory, glorious calorie-fest that is the stuff of fantasies that make surviving L.A. a little easier: bacon fried rice.

Surviving L.A. - Takes Star Sightings

A little background: Richard got a job offer almost 18 months ago that was a brilliant career move on his part but that caused us to do something we said we never would - move to Los Angeles, CA.

Since we departed our wonderful east coast lifestyle, we've been trying to figure out how to adjust to the West Coast mentality. We're surviving......

One question we get constantly about living in L.A. is whether or not we have spotted any stars. At first, our skills were not up to snuff. During the recruitment weekend we were sitting at breakfast when a friend told us we were about to get our first star sighting walking through the door to the restaurant. A group walked in the door and Richard and I rapidedly examined the faces before they were shown into a back room. We had to ask who the famous person was. We were told we had just seen Damian Lewis of Band of Brothers and Life fame.

Our second brush with fame occured at Universal Studios when we spied a group of people clamoring to take pictures with a young girl. We snapped a picture too, and then had to ask everyone we knew who in the heck it was. Not until we showed the picture to our 8-year-old neice did we get an answer to the mystery star....known to Disney-Network fans everywhere, but not to us.

Eventually, we saw throngs of stars, but that was at Laker's games where, frankly, seeing stars is like shooting fish in a barrel. Yeah, Richard had to excuse himself to use the restroom past Jerry Van Dyke (of Coach fame), but that hardly counts as an authentic run-in with the daily, everyday lives of the rich and famous.

But when a friend recently visited, even SHE got a star sighting: Archie Kao (aka Archie on CSI) was also in the airport when she was leaving.

So we thought maybe going to the airport was a good place.....

It started on a recent red eye to Orlando. We were seated in the front row near the door coming on, and after it seemed all the passengers had on-loaded there appeared a lime-green jacket at the door, accompanied by a security guard. Ms. Paula Abdul (and, um, boyfriend?) were escorted onto the plane. She was apparently headed to Orlando for the opening of the Idol Experience at Hollywood Studios Orlando. We were admittedly surprised she was on a commercial red-eye flight, but she must have had a stylist and make-up artist in her bag (or perhaps the boyfriend?) because the next morning when I felt - and probably looked - like death warmed over, she walked through the terminal in Orlando looking just like she had looked walking on to the plane in L.A....where, although he was seated, she came about eye-to-eye with Richard. As he describes the encounter by holding his hand up to his chest, "She's tiny!"

Our prowess at spotting stars has improved.....which was useful last night in Hollywood. We headed out to a night with friend's at the Hollywood Improv. We had gone to see Iliza Shlesinger do some stand-up comedy. SHE is a funny woman, but we paid to see her so we don't count that as an official sighting.

The evening started with dinner at 8oz., a burger bar we will be eating at a lot now that Richard has discovered it as the one place outside Iowa that serves fried cheddar cheese balls.

Richard returned from a trip to the bathroom to report that a booth in the back of the restaurant held someone, someone he knew he ought to recognize. When the rest of our group got there we all sneeked peeks and figured out it was James Spader (currently of Boston Legal, formerly of Stargate, Bad Influence and - showing my age - Pretty in Pink fame.)

Dinner, BTW, was fabulous.

We walked to the Improv and sat at the bar waiting for our show and listening to our friends - long time Los Angelians - share their stories of other brushes with fame. (Apparently, 8oz is also an accasional haunt of Mylie Cyrus.)

Richard and our friend Todd returned from the bathroom exchanging questions of "did you see who that was"? Jim Gaffigan, who is a stand-up commedian and actor, was apparently at the urinal, providing proof to the age-old question: yes, we do all pull up our pants the same way. He then came into the bar area, where the rest of us could see him. Later, hemjumped in and did a set on stage, one of the funnier of the night. The man is obsessed with bacon.

Another member of our party then spotted one of her favorite actors in the waiting area - Craig Robinson (aka Darryl Philibin from The Office). We were waiting for other fans to give him space and were fully prepared to buy him a drink as soon as they one in his hand was empty, but before he finished he was escorted into a private VIP area. I guess even someone who works on a sitcom needs some comedy in their life.

One of the other performers for the night (unknown to us at the time of ticket purchase) was Doug Benson, stand up comedian and subject of the documentary Super High Me. He gave a very funny set as well.

So there you have it, an update to the oft-asked question - yes, we have spotted a few famous people. No papparazzi or body guards or scandalous moments, just another night of good food and good entertainment in Los Angeles, CA.

And it helps us survive L.A. - under the stars that really matter...the ones in the night sky.

Surviving L.A. - Takes Deception

L.A. has a reputation for being 'fake' - fake boobs, fake personalities, fake stunt people, fake houses for TV sets, fake lipsyncing....

You have no idea just how well deserved it is. The Grammy's air this Sunday and you have to ask yourself as you watch...is it fake or is it real? And no, I'm not talking about Pamela's Boobs or Angie's lips or Mariah's latest marriage. I'm talking about the celebrities in the audience. Is that really Will Smith, or just the back of a head with big ears? Is that Pink or someone else with a dye job? Look closely....is that what Britney was wearing on the way in....or did they find someone else at the asylum with an affinity for Clorox? Do that many people really pack an auditorium to hear about the latest

It might be me.

Check out www.seatfillersandmore.com and you too can fill in the crowd at an awards show. (They need asses in seats for all....Grammy's, Emmy's, Oscar's, Country Musis, SAG, Critic's Choice, Art Director's Guild, People's Choice, ESPYs, Darwin, Award for the best Award....) Perish the thought of an empty seat during a camera pan of the crowd. You can fill out applications for the seats inside or the Red Carpet. Send in a head shot, because L.A. does, afterall, have a reputation to uphold. You must look good and you must plan to dress accordingly. You might even have a clothing and hair allowance....if....

....if you have the fortune of looking like Jennifer Aniston or Halle Barry or the misfortune of bearing a resemblence to the Olsen Twins or Courtney Love, you can cash in. Because if Fergie has to go to the bathroom during the award for Best Zydeco Music Album (look it up....I'm not making this stuff up! I don't have to...I live in L.A.!) , then you could actually get paid to make sure that her seat is not empty during a critical moment when the crowd goes wild for the Pine Leaf Boys (a perennial favorite! This could be their year!).

So as you're taking in the awards show this Sunday, be sure to look closely so you are not one of the thousands in America duped by an imposter. Demand real cleavage on Shania Twain. Demand that the fedora is on Justin Timberlake's head. Demand J-Los ass. Ask yourself....are those really Steven Tyler's lips?

We are not deceived. We are surviving L.A. - by heading for a restaurant. We have discovered that the "can't get a reservation" restaurants are empty during awards shows....they are THE place to see and be seen. (Or at least get a stellar meal.)

Surviving L.A. - Takes a parade

As if people watching in Los Angeles was not good enough on a daily basis, occasionally they throw a parade to put L.A. life on display. You may yourself have started off the New Year by watching the Annual Tournament of Roses Parade from Pasadena, CA. Pasadena is just east of Los Angeles, and has been home to the Tournament of Roses since 1890, when organizers first decided to rub what they perceived as California's stellar weather into the noses of the rest of the country.

"Oh, you have 8 inches of snow? We have roses blooming in 80-degree weather....just look, we have so many we can have a parade!"

Two years later, they added races in an effort to expand the event. The first race was between an elephant and a camel. In 1902, they decided human entertainment was more interesting and, according to the official tournament of roses website, was added in 1902 to "enhance the days festivities". (http://www.tournamentofroses.com/history/)

Those of us who miss snow may not be so impressed by the 80-degree weather Los Angelian's brag about, but we do enjoy a good parade. (Okay, I should say I, I can't lump Richard in here.) So when our friend Bob asked about attending the parade, we decided we could not pass up one of the best people watching opportunities in Southern California.

If you are willing to spend the money, several hotels line the route offering fabulous packages for their balcony rooms overlooking the flowers going by. (See picture including hotel.)

If you are okay getting out of your PJs to watch the parade, you can spend between $50 and $150 (and perhaps more) to get a a number on a peice of cold steele -- and $10 more for a seat cushion.

If you are adventerous (or out of your mind), you can camp out the night before. Before you dismiss the idea, consider that this is not your parent's camp out on hard ground. Gone are the days of stumbling out of your New Year's Eve party to pass out on the curb, only to wake up when the first school's band goes by.

This is a new family bonding event. (See crowd shots.)

Starting at Noon on New Year's Eve, you and those you can coherce into joining you can stake out your 'section' of the sidewalk, your home for the night. Imagine a massive game of musical chairs ending at the stroke of a clock. Your mission is to have the people in your party spread out blankets and chairs as far as they can get away with until they border the person next to them. This will enable you to set up your TV room, dining room, kitchen and bedroom. Afterall, you need space for the bed rolls, the table to eat on and cooler to keep meals in, the grill or outdoor firepit for cooking and warmth, and the generator and TV. You don't have to miss the ball drop in Times square, plenty of people had flat panel TVs. You don't need to relegate yourself to hotdogs and smores over a hibatchi. Oh no, there were buffets rivaling Super Bowl tailgate spreads. (Appropriate that they tailgate before a parade that preceeds a football game.)

The parade starts at 8 a.m. local time. Depending on your location on the route, the parade may start at 8:55 a.m., as it did for us. (Bands don't march quickly when they've been cueing since 3 a.m.)

This being our first experience, we were not sure what kind of insanity to expect. We left West L.A. for Pasadena at 5:45 with the intent to getting into Pasadena, getting into our parking space, and into our seats before 8. For the record, we left late, we arrived early and we spent a lot of time in the bleachers waiting for a parade. It's almost as if Pasadena has done this before and they know how to handle crowds!

Given the same circumstances in the future, what we would do is leave, late, arrive late, and not miss a beat. There were obviously people in our section who knew this strategy, because their seats were empty until about 10 minutes before the B-2 flew over to open the parade.

Being there early was not all bad....there were plenty of characters providing pre-parade entertainment. Protesters. Running clubs making their inagural run of the year. Christians reminding us to repent. Random people with a wagon throwing candy into the crowd, some of whom were still sleeping in their bed rolls. Cyclists. Kids playing in the street. Vendors with just about any snack food you could want. L.A. truly is the entertainment capital of the world.

As for the parade itself, we highly recommend it as an addition to your life list. Having watched the parade many times on TV, I can say it is a fabulous experience to catch the live show. The floats are amazing, the bands entertaining and the whole experience a very good way to start any new year. You might even be able to talk us into going with you again....so long as Richard doesn't have to use the curb as a pillow.

We did not attend the football game itself, choosing instead to watch that from the comfort of our couch, a much-welcomed cushion after the bleachers. Here is my favorite story about the Rose Bowl - as relayed to be by a former lobbyist for Washington & Jefferson University. In 1922, W&J, located in Pennsylvania, was invited to play California in the Rose Bowl. The school took a barebones team across the country, playing exhibition teams along the way to pay for the trip. The day of the game, the local paper had a long article about the game. The writer extolled the virtues of California's football team without really refering to W&J until the final sentence: "The only thing I know about Washington & Jefferson is that they are both dead."

The games have gotten much more interesting, and the parade is always fabulous whether or not the game is a close contest....and it is helping us survive L.A.