Surviving L.A. - Takes Deception

L.A. has a reputation for being 'fake' - fake boobs, fake personalities, fake stunt people, fake houses for TV sets, fake lipsyncing....

You have no idea just how well deserved it is. The Grammy's air this Sunday and you have to ask yourself as you watch...is it fake or is it real? And no, I'm not talking about Pamela's Boobs or Angie's lips or Mariah's latest marriage. I'm talking about the celebrities in the audience. Is that really Will Smith, or just the back of a head with big ears? Is that Pink or someone else with a dye job? Look closely....is that what Britney was wearing on the way in....or did they find someone else at the asylum with an affinity for Clorox? Do that many people really pack an auditorium to hear about the latest

It might be me.

Check out www.seatfillersandmore.com and you too can fill in the crowd at an awards show. (They need asses in seats for all....Grammy's, Emmy's, Oscar's, Country Musis, SAG, Critic's Choice, Art Director's Guild, People's Choice, ESPYs, Darwin, Award for the best Award....) Perish the thought of an empty seat during a camera pan of the crowd. You can fill out applications for the seats inside or the Red Carpet. Send in a head shot, because L.A. does, afterall, have a reputation to uphold. You must look good and you must plan to dress accordingly. You might even have a clothing and hair allowance....if....

....if you have the fortune of looking like Jennifer Aniston or Halle Barry or the misfortune of bearing a resemblence to the Olsen Twins or Courtney Love, you can cash in. Because if Fergie has to go to the bathroom during the award for Best Zydeco Music Album (look it up....I'm not making this stuff up! I don't have to...I live in L.A.!) , then you could actually get paid to make sure that her seat is not empty during a critical moment when the crowd goes wild for the Pine Leaf Boys (a perennial favorite! This could be their year!).

So as you're taking in the awards show this Sunday, be sure to look closely so you are not one of the thousands in America duped by an imposter. Demand real cleavage on Shania Twain. Demand that the fedora is on Justin Timberlake's head. Demand J-Los ass. Ask yourself....are those really Steven Tyler's lips?

We are not deceived. We are surviving L.A. - by heading for a restaurant. We have discovered that the "can't get a reservation" restaurants are empty during awards shows....they are THE place to see and be seen. (Or at least get a stellar meal.)