Surviving L.A.

Still Surviving L.A.

2012-01-23T20:28:00.000-08:00

We'd like to take this opportunity to dispel the cruel rumors spread across unsavory tabloids and unscrupulous blogs - we are, in fact, still surviving L.A.!

Like a good HBO series, there was a nice hiatus for the Surviving L.A. series. I know it was quite a cliff hanger, keeping you wondering if contract negotiations or a writer's strike had taken us the way of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (Still bitter). But I am pleased to say we are still going strong, just in some reruns as to the more exciting highlights of our first three years here - Magic Castle, Magic Mountain and Richard's magical ability to know that we have run into someone famous, but not know who they actually are. (For the record, the three most recent sightings were Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Chelsea Handler and Marky Mark sans funky bunch.)

But a lot has happened in the last 18 months and we're putting together a new list of fun local activities to try - come visit and join in some of them! AJ's learning to dance with fire, Vega's been checking out the waterfalls in Los Angeles and Richard's new job now has him as CIO of 2 wineries.....how bad can that be?

Like a series that has been going long and strong and needs a new character in the mix, we may be making a liberal interpretation of the term "Greater Los Angeles Area" in lieu of adding a new cute kid - but I hope the adventures will be good into this season as in the past to enthrall the 3 readers who have mentioned missing this blog.

Surviving L.A. - Takes an Accomplice!

2010-06-06T18:09:00.000-07:00

Many of you may have willingly or unwillingly been involved in a Mystery Dinner Theater show. Admittedly, these events run the gamit on quality - from the actors to the script quality to the other participants. And, lest we forget, the quality of the food.

Taking the basic idea of an interactive story experience out of the rubber chicken circuit is a group of innovators who started on the streets of New York, enlisting participants as active sleuths while guiding them through a series of locations in search of clues hidden in and around businesses in New York leading to the solution to a mystery. I thank my friend Suzanne for giving the thumbs up to the NY experience, prompting L.A. visitors Diana and Otto to suggest we take in the West Coast installment: Accomplice Hollywood.

accomplicetheshow.com

I am not going to give away the plot exactly, but this will have some spoilers in it. So if you think you might ever do this - which I do recommend - you might want to avoid my spoilers below.

The show experience starts a few days prior, when you are asked to watch a video online and you get a call explaining where you should meet to start the experience. We started ours at a famous landmark on Hollywood Boulevard. We had a great group of 8 people, everyone at least semi-willing to participate and work together on the clues.

We moved from clue to clue, taking in different sites on Hollywood Boulevard and meeting some accomplices along the way.

******SPOILER ALERT!!********

You are helped between some of the locations and clues by actors you encounter spread out among the various businesses willing to let the production set up there. Two sites were restaurants in which it was pretty easy to identify our target...they were waiting in a corner with cold beer and water for the group. (Big thumbs up for the refreshment, just wish they would have had wine too!) In other places, it was much more difficult. One of the more hilarious situations was the clue in which we had to find a character in Hollywood Blvd.

This challenge actually ended up being for the actor.

Hollywood Blvd. between Mann's Chinese theater and the Hollywood Highland Center used to be crawling with various people dressed as all manner of movie and TV characters (and some just in really bad Halloween costumes) who, for a suggested $2 tip, will pose with you for your family photo. A few weeks ago, police cracked down on these folks for panhandling. Having a storyline that includes one of these characters suddenly got very, very risky. He also tends to stand out, making him easy to find. But I felt enormously sad for the actor in that heavy costume and mask outfit standing in the sun all weekend, while his co-stars hung out in bars with beer!

By the end of the experience you are starting to look at everyone on the street and wonder if they are part of it. We will never walk on Hollywood Blvd. and see a group of tourists closely examining the words written on the walk in the Hollywood Highland Center and not feel the urge to go over and thrown them off the scent!

*****END OF SPOILERS*****

My only complaint about the production (other than the lack of wine as a beverage option!) was that the story and clues did not have much of a focus on the history of the area. The show could have given us a better tour of the area; I would have appreciated knowing more about the places we visited and walked past.

Otherwise, I had I good enough time I would do the NY show as well (they have multiple options there).

So, we continue to survive Los Angeles - with accomplices to help!

Surviving L.A. - Takes Ellen!

2010-03-21T17:43:00.000-07:00

One of the unique opportunities that Los Angeles affords is the opportunity to watch a live filming of a TV show. I've been wanting specifically to see the Ellen Degeneres Show because I think Ellen is hilarious and I love her work for animals and her emphasis on what people who come on her show do for social programs. I also appreciate that she features some regular people on her show who have done amazing things in their own life, and not just celebrities.

The show airing Monday, March 22 features Pierce Brosnon (the stuff my late-night dreams are made of! - I know, I know...he'll always be Remmington Steele to me!) and the ever classy and hysterical Betty White.

As an experience, it was not what I expected. Ellen tapes at Warner Brothers Studio, and many days she tapes 2 shows a day. Leslie and I had tickets for the 'late' show, which required us to be at Warner Brothers Studios at 3:30 p.m. The check-in and staging area is...the parking garage. They have a large area with benches and some TVs on the wall and two stalls for check-in....one for tickets holders and one for those who do not have tickets but are hoping for empty seats.

Note: we are under the impression from the process that if you order tickets and do not show up, you end up on a naughty list with no hope of future tickets! Tickets are difficult to get - but can be had at ellen.warnerbrothers.com

I had been told by many people to wear bright, solid colors for good seating selection (camera people like colorful backgrounds). That did not appear to ultimately matter here. There were some VIPs who were seated front and center, and then everyone else was given a number as they checked in and that's how you were seated, for the most part. We were among the last to show up (though still on time before 3:30) and got numbers 180-181. After the check-in process was completed we were basically going to sit the the area in the parking garage for 90 minutes. They did show some of Ellen's current shows on the TVs. This is also when they circulated through the audience and apparently selected some people who were going to participate in a game during the show.

At nearly 5 p.m., they started the seating. For the next hour, I felt I was back in kindergarten. They made us line up in corrals by number, and then we were told to wait until someone came and walked us across the street. (Stay in line. No one go until I say 'cross'! Now stand against the wall.)

Once inside the studio the line weaved through the "Ellen" store, open for your Ellen needs. When Leslie and I got into the seating area we could see that it was mostly full and seemed destined for the last 2 rows. Admittedly, the whole sound stage is smaller than it appears on TV, but we had still hoped for better seats. Fortunately, as a party of two, our bodies were needed to fill empty seats in the third row. (We are on the extreme right side if you are looking at the audience from the stage.)

An 'MC' came out onto the stage for our 'warm-up' which consisted of him attempting to lead us through basic moves at our seats. 'Use your right arm, now your left arm, now clap, now sway side-to-side.' He also goes over the rules "no catcalls for Betty White, now!" and reminds us that we are to pretend that it is Monday. Apparently, that means I've seen the future. At least on the Ellen show, Monday is funny.

This cross between romper room and aerobics at a senior center lasts for an hour, during which time the crew is putting cameras in place and the show's DJ, Tony, sets up his playlist. I can't imagine what the crew must think, watching a goofy crowd of mostly women trying to get down to Michael Jackson tunes in the confines of their 2x2 seat space. I wonder if it was listed as a perk on the job announcement.

At 5 minutes until 6 o'clock we are asked to sit, and clap. Incessantly. They wanted clapping for what feels like a good 45 seconds in and out of every commercial, before we are even entertained. I thought that's what laugh tracks were for.

Promptly at 6 o'clock they announce the Ellen Degeneres Show and the moment we have been waiting for since 3:30 (some much longer) arrives. Ellen herself steps on to the stage and welcomes us all there.....to at least 2 minutes of clapping. If you have ever seen her show, you know she opens with a monologue. I am guessing they must film these most every day - but the day the show airs so that it will be topical, because we did not get one. Instead, she launched into the opening segments of her show, which for us included two women in Orange (as in the fruit) outfits competing for a trip to Florida. This is one of my least favorite parts of the show, but it illuminated something special for me about Ellen. She's quick.

It's one thing to be a stand-up comedienne and deliver a scripted punch-line. Improv is a whole other beast and Ellen would be very good at it. Her ability to react with a witty line to any situation was fantastic. There were no cuts, no second takes on her show.

After the game she moved to the interview area to bring out her guests. Pierce came first. Something a guest at a TV show taping must remember is that you are there to provide a service to the show....background that claps for as long as it is told to and laughs at the appropriate moments. The show is done for the television audience, not you. Unless you are seated in the center of the audience, there is a good chance your view of one of the Hottest Men in entertainment will be instead of the back of Randy, the cameraman. To my left was a TV for me to view what the camera was seeing, but really this is just as I am going to watch it at home...on a nice big TV (and the ability to have a bathroom break during the commercials if I need it, something not allowed on Ellen).

Betty White provided a hilarious interview, as expected, again watched on the TV screen to my left. The segments were separated by commercial time, at which point Ellen and her guest might get make-up re-touched and the upcoming scene is prepped for. But it is all in "real time."

At 6:45, Ellen is wrapping up the show. I am guessing that leaves time for the monologue to be filled in later. But it is an efficient machine, with no breaks or re-takes. Impressive. If anything comes out drastically different when the show airs, I'll post again.

Immediately following the show, Ellen takes the mic and thanks us, then cruises out of the studio. We were waiting in line with the crossing guards when we saw her drive by on her way home.

In all a fantastic experience. We even won Shell Gas giftcards and got a CD from the musical guest.

Ellen's motto is Live. Laugh. Dance. And it is helping us Survive L.A.

Surviving L.A. - Takes Reflection

2010-01-06T15:20:00.001-08:00

Ahhh....the end of the year...the decade to some...and it always seems to bring out the need for reflection among resolutionists, pundits and network anchors. So I was inspired to get a little reflective myself, and came to a conclusion: those who said "give it two years and you'll love it here" were wrong. There are some things I still just can't get used to.

So for 2010 I give you:
Surviving L.A. - The top 15 signs you’ve been in L.A. too long:

15. Crime scene tape causes excitment because you might see Laurence Fishburne.

14. It doesn't phase you to sit in traffic for 9 hours from Vegas to Los Angeles, even though it's less than 300 miles.

13. You know you can valet your car anywhere, including church or the hospital, in case your in that much of a hurry.

12. Palms trees decorated with Christmas lights and ice skating in Santa Monica seems perfectly normal.

11. You know which episode of Miami Medical caused an actor to legitimately ask “is there a REAL doctor in the house?”

10. You’re tracking the Korean Taco Truck and the Cupcake-Mobile on twitter.

9. There’s an appetizer of bacon on the menu – 6 slabs for $10. And you buy it.

8. You know that ‘going to the races’ could mean horses….or turtles.

7. You know the difference between working ‘in the industry’ in Los Angeles and working ‘in the industry’ in The Valley, and you DON’T confuse the two.

6. When you see two men run across an intersection, dive into the windows of a truck and start fighting with the inhabitants….and you immediately look for the cameras and wonder what movie is filming.

5. You’re watching Survivor on television at the same moment one of the contestants appears in your doorway.

4. You know where you can get your hands on a WWII sub.

3. You know someone who won tickets to the Michael Jackson funeral.

2. You’re pissed you didn’t win.

1. While driving down the road you say “that’s weird” and the driver thinks you are referring to the ‘sold’ sign on a home, completely ignoring the 70-something, white as a sheet man in yellow Bruce Jenner running shorts and black dress socks and shoes taking his Sunday constitutional.

Wishing you 15 signs for a very happy 2010.

Surviving L.A. - Takes Jewelry

2009-10-19T11:00:00.000-07:00

Ironman races, Adventure races, marathons. I often get asked why I do such things. (Insane things, according to Richard.)

Self-fulfillment? The love of a challenge? Massacism?

In the case of last weekend the answer is simple: Jewelry.

Sorry it's blurry....it says "Run Like A Girl."

Last year my friend Sunghee asked me if I wanted to run the Nike Women's Marathon in San Francisco with her in October. As I poised my lips to say 'no' and list all of the reasons hilly San Fran was the last place I would run 26.2 miles, she added: "The finisher's medal is a necklace designed by Tiffany's presented to you at the finish line by men in tuxedoes."

Well, we all know how much I love a man in a tux, so I said yes. And, because misery loves company, I recruited friends. There ended up being 8 of us in all, training through the year to run around San Francisco looking for men in penguin suits ready to give us jewelry.

If you are considering running a half or full marathon in your life, I HIGHLY recommend this event. And not just for the necklace. It is well done, well attended, well cheered, well mapped and for a good cause.

The course started at Union Square in the main shopping district near Nike Town, where all participants names as listed on a giant wall. The race started at 7 a.m., and was really well organized. You ran toward the water, and then swept past some of the iconic sites of San Fran just as the sun is rising (depending on fog) - Alcatraz, Fisherman's Wharf, the Golden Gate Bridge. The hills are not the worst that San Fran could throw at you, and they are early in the race. I was pleasantly surprised at how well we ran them, but I think the distractions of the views probably helped. It also helped that nearly every mile had some form of entertainment, from a gospel choir to bagpipers to a steele drum band.

Many of the sponsors also had stretches of positive, inspirational messages to keep you motivated. About mile 9 you reach the top of the last of the bigger hills and drop down onto the beach. The wind off the water is not bad and the views make it worth any extra effort. Here is where the half and full marathon's split. The full racers head off deep into Golden Gate Park while the half runners dip into the park and end back to the water's edge for the finish line. After a few miles in the park, the full emerges to run along the water past the San Francisco Zoo and then out around Lake Merced, pushed on by a fabulous 80s cover band.

Mile 22 greets you with Ghriardelli Chocolate samples before you head back up one small hill and down the homestretch along the water.

I ran the race with my friend Debbie and we had a goal of finishing. Not lofty, I suppose, but good enough for us. We were there to have fun, and we did. In fact, I carried my blackberry and was able to snap pictures, post to Facebook and chat with Richard while I was moving along. If I ran it again, I would be far more serious about actually trying to run it well, but for this time, I wanted to soak in the experience of the city, the views, the commaraderie and the fun.

A big thanks to Sunghee, for the suggestion; to Theresa, for coming down from Seattle; to Debbie, for training with me and running with me; and to her husband Scott and my dear Richard, ever my cheerleader.

He may shake his head then he hear's me ask if he's okay with me doing the next crazy event....but he helps me survive L.A. And I now have a fabulous little piece of jewelry to wear while doing it.

One of the best parts of this race was our commitment to fun...which included taking pictures and uploading/posting to Facebook in-race (and chatting with Richard). So, these are camera phone and not the best, but....run along with us! (Though, I am not in any of these pics, just the photographer.)

Wall of racer names at Niketown

Get ready to go!

View of Alcatraz, about mile 4

Down to the beach!

Entertainment in Gold Gate Park

Back along the beach for the home stretch!

FINISH in sight!

Why, yes, I'd love a Tiffany Necklace, thanks!

Surviving L.A. - Takes Supertitles

2009-09-13T16:13:00.000-07:00

Foreign movies have subtitles, operas have Supertitles. Rather than scrolling along the bottom of a movie screen, supertitles are displayed at the top of a stage, so that those of us not fluent in the traditional opera languages of German, French, Russian and - in the case of L.A. Opera's opening show for 2009-2010 - Italian, can follow along.

Richard and I had the unique opportunity to attend the L.A. Opera's Season Opening Gala Saturday and enjoy The Elixir of Love, L'Elisir D'Amore. Those intimate with Richard and me know we are far more likely to spend Saturday's at college football games than operas - but remember that our motto for our time on the West Coast is "New and Different." And WOW did this qualify. (Besides, UCLA had already beat Tennessee.)

Richard donned a tuxedo and even tried a mushroom cannoli at the Opera Gala....we really are expanding our horizons beyond our previous boundries. (Yes, he now OWNS a tuxedo...can ballroom dancing lessons be far behind?)

From a novelty perspective, our experience was fabulous. We had an extremely enjoyable evening and while I don't think we'll be buying season tickets to the opera, I will share with you what I learned as a first-time opera-goer.

1. L'Elisir D'Amore, The Elixir of Love, is apparently a great production for your first one. "It's a comedy and it's short" (a mere 2:45 with intermission!) was an oft-repeated phrase from those in the know.

2. If you are a single guy interested in an older woman....get a ticket to this event! There were packs of seemingly affulent cougars roaming the halls. One women from a not-to-be-divulged-brand-name-family had seemingly pulled out every piece of Dolce & Gabbana jewelry she owned to showcase at once. No matter that it didn't match. And nothing says "I'm hot" more than a designer dress cut to show off the pacemaker surgery scar.

3. Speaking of outfits.....even if opera is not your idea of a fun Saturday night....you might go by just to see the patrons show up for the pre-gala cocktail party. I think some people thought this was a costume ball. (And I thought the Miami Vice-style-white-pants-color-jacket-combo tux had ended with my prom...apparently I was wrong.) Fortunately for tourists, the gala puts these outfits on display with a long red carpet walk into an outdoor cocktail party with only stantions between us and the cameras off the local tour bus. (For the record, Richard looked amazing walking the carpet in his tuxedo.)

4. Oh...you're wondering about the show itself? L.A. is NEVER about the main event when a red carpet is involved! The entire storyline is printed in the program (or found online) which is to aid in your understanding. It does, however, also spoil the ending and erase the opportunity for rousing speculative discussion during the intermission....will our hero get the girl? Will the heroine find her heart? Who dies at the end? How much longer is this...are we really staying for the whole thing? (Oh...just kidding...)

5. Spoiler Alert.....the "Elixir of Love" is a cheap bordeaux. (I could have told you that!)

6. However good a short comedy might be, you must remember that an opera is intended to be a showcase for amazing voices, not necessarily a showcase of acting talent or intricate plot lines. If you want 2 hours and 45 minuts of intellectual comedy, go rent Gross Pointe Blanke and watch and episode of The Daily Show.

7. If you decide to go to an opera, educate yourself as to quality of voice so to enhance your experience - and look like you have experience. I clearly lack the understand/appreciation of tenors/sopranos/falsettos to know when I was hearing something that should wow me. This became grossly apparent when a character would stop singing and the theater would explode in wild applause all around me, and I would be caught looking like I had just woken up. I wish I had a DVR and could rewind to hear what I had inadvertantly missed. But for the novice - when everyone else applauds...you'd best go along...lest you stick out!

8. They serve alcohol before the opera....during intermission...and after the show. I'm not saying you need a drink to enjoy opera...but you feel free to draw your own inference.

9. The supertitles are displayed at the top of the stage. They are NOT intended to be a full, literal translation. They reminded me of a Kung Fu movie dubbed into English. The words would say "she loves me" and the guy would sing for 2 minutes. But maybe that's a lot of words in Italian, what do I know?

10. The bows for the cast after a performance last almost as long as the second act. Seriously. And the ovations rival Catholic Mass aerobics.

11. Placido Domingo is an amazing singer.....and a long talker. When he got up to speak at the post-performance gala, a woman at our table informed us we should sit back and relax....he goes on and on and on and on.....bring your iPod.

So, we continue to survive L.A. - tuxedos and all. Even though Placido is still at the podium talking....

Surviving L.A. - Takes Cardboard (for your wine, of course!)

2009-08-31T13:30:00.000-07:00

Living in California can quickly make you a wine snob. The close proximity of an abundance of fabulous wineries can quickly flood your wine cellar and make you wonder how ANYONE could possibly still drink cheap White Zinfandel when tantalizing blends of sweet champagne can be had for $8?

The upside of membership in 4 wine clubs is that we have stopped hoarding every good bottle for a special occasion. The downside is my new attitude that I'm too good for Two Buck Chuck.

Next thing you know Richard is running off to buy a tuxedo for opera galas....and we needed to be reined in.

Fortunately, our good friends Bob and Leslie can help us maintain proper perspective by inviting us to Chateauneuf de Cardboard for a Boxed Wine Tasting and reminding us that good things come in packages of all sizes, shapes, and materials - like specially designed cardboard boxes keeping 'open' wine good for....well....we have yet to find out.

I know boxed wine usually gets the side-eye for the party guest who shows with the white Franzia box that looks like it was snatched from a sorority house kitchen. But today's sophisticated palates may find a taste they really enjoy coming out of a cube...including:

(To be read with a French accent) Target Merlot and Target Pinot Grigio - very affordable, drinkable, every day wine to keep in the fridge.

Pinot Evil - which also comes in a bottle, but a box is great for when the evening calls for one glass. (We don't know when that is...but...just in case it ever happens.)

French Rabbit Chardonnay (our contribution) - an extremely light, French white best served cold enough to need your own faux fur.

Bota Box Old Vine Zinfandel - Richard's Favorite of the evening

Bota Box Shiraz - Bota Box apparently makes several great boxed varities that stays fresh after the box is opened 45 days. And just WHO would take 45 days to finish a box of wine? We don't know these people.

Killer Juice Sauvignon Blanc - hints of citrus and summer with no cardboard aftertaste!

White Wine for Chilling (in the family of Red Wine for Grilling) - When soliciting recommendations for our purchase I was told that White Wine for Chilling paired very well with a Camelbak. The bladders could be easily changed out and made for a great accompaniment on a hike.

So we continue to survive L.A. - even sans cork. Enjoy your favorite box tonight!

Surviving L.A. - Takes a tuxedo

2009-08-30T20:05:00.000-07:00

If you were called - from Hollywood - to save the world, could you step up? Play the part? Dress the part? This week, my husband the clothes horse was about to find out.

I worried what covert international crisis might be afoot when I saw the cryptic message: "We have a problem." "What's the problem?" I typed timidly, fearing Ernst Stavo Blofeld had kidnapped Placido Domingo and threaten modern arias as we knew them. The ominous words that make women everywhere rejoice appeared on the screen. "Black tie."

Since Richard made the grave mistake of marrying me, I have been telling him he should just buy a tuxedo. I thought a wedding was a good reason for an investment, and he a few opportunities to step out in style in the last few years. I think men who own tuxedos are incredibly sexy. Why that, in and of itself, did not bring about the purchase is a matter of on-going discussion..... but....

Apparently, my strategy should have been to move to L.A.

How could anyone in such a fashion-forward town not be prepared for every event? Neither of us needs suits for work (yeah, I'm rubbing it in, kinda...). We need bathing suits for the beach...wetsuits for surfing...fire-retardant suits for the wildfires....something for that last-minute invitation to a black-tie opera gala or call to stand in for a high-stakes poker game where the free world is in the ante.

We don't have an earthquake preparedness plan, but when the call from Q comes in, Richard will be ready. After following tips and gathering intel and negotiating a treaty with a disappearing ink pen, Rick Bond is now the proud owner of a striking suit ready for Beverly Hills Cocoktail Parties, Hollywood Premieres, Children's Birthday Parties and the Fat Lady Singing.

His reference to "the noose" no longer refers to his wedding ring.

But as all well-heeled heros have a fatal flaw, Richard has an evil side that comes out toward his leading ladies....

He won't wear the tux until I learn how to tie the bow-tie.

00Jerk.

I have 2 weeks to learn....or else my Elixir of Love will be a lonely night sans my knight in shiny lapels and french cuffs.

For those wondering what finally convinced my nominee for best-dressed-in-the-comedy-we-call-Surviving-L.A. to don the strait jacket, the clues are encrypted here....or you can catch the ending when it comes out on DVD (see Surviving L.A. in 2 weeks).

For now we continue to Survive L.A. - just with a lot more style!

Surviving L.A. - Takes Bacon

2009-07-20T10:22:00.000-07:00

Those who purport that L.A. has perfect weather in the 70s year round are big fat liars. We are currently living under heat advisories of up to 106-degrees. So what? they say. Enjoy the heat and have some crispy bacon.

Bacon. The heavenly mix of savory maple meat has been for more than breakfast for many years now, it’s true, when it first migrated off the breakfast plate onto burgers, pizzas and baked potatoes. Long ago did foodies proclaim the glory that is bacon-wrapped food: filets, shrimp, scallops, figs, melon. (Melon…who was the first one to think of that?)

This is L.A., my friends, and if you have not learned by now, you never will – L.A. is hell bent on doing things differently under the guise of trend-setting. Sure, NY has street vendors with tasty hot dogs, our street vendors wrap theirs in bacon. Try passing up THAT smell without drooling. There is a public food fight going on right now with the city of Carson, where they are trying to ban these purveyors of bacony goodness and the public is not standing for it.

We even wrap bacon around saddle of rabbit. Okay, I don’t know what saddle of rabbit is, but you can apparently get it wrapped in bacon on Bastille Day at Comma Ca in Hollywood. Take that, you puny melon-ball makers!

Others will find meat-wrapped-meat too pedestrian. So an inventive foodie enjoying chocolate chip pancakes and a side of bacon one day decided to merge the two into a chocolate bar with bacon bits. (We tried this – to mixed reviews. Other than a gag Christmas Stocking Stuffer, I can’t say I’d buy it again. Though it did seem a better option than the chocolate bar with dried mushrooms that was on the counter next to it.)

If bacon as dessert appeals to you, then visit a Bakersfield-area ice cream shop that has bacon ice cream on the menu. (Would you like maple syrup to make that a sundae?) How else would you end your meal of bacon fried rice in Fresno?

Some purists are unhappy with the defamation of the beloved meat. Chefs at the upscale BLT Steak on Sunset Strip think the bacon stands alone, and offers 6 slabs of it (slices does NOT do the dish justice) as an appetizer, wrapped around nothing but a large price tag.

You may not believe the hype. Isn’t Los Angeles health-conscious? Sure, which is why the April 2009 L.A. Times edition showed us how to get that bacon satisfaction without the calories and fat. J&Ds Bacon Lip Balm. Brings a whole new definition to the term “kissable lips,” doesn’t it?
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/alltherage/2009/04/bacon-lip-gloss.html

Los Angelians even have precautions should the next earthquake break us off and set up adrift toward South America…..canned bacon. No earthquake preparedness kit is finished without it. Get yours here:
http://www.canned-bacon.com/

And bookmark the L.A Times article, 1,001 things to do with bacon so you, too, can enjoy the meaty goodness every day. (you must check out the picture…. http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/dailydish/2008/12/bacon.html...tempting!!!)

We continue to survive L.A, especially the Vega dog, who has found one west coast trend she is happy to sink her teeth into.

Takes fleas

2009-06-16T19:57:00.000-07:00

No, not on the Vega Dog.

Flea markets.

I know what your first thought is....AJ....there are flea markets everywhere. True. But L.A. couldn't possibly do things without its own special flair.

True, your run of the mill yard sales occur here every weekend. But on one special Sunday a month, the yard sale puts on its L.A. best and heads for Pasadena to take over the Rose Bowl on a grand scale.

I can hear you now - 'we have flea markets here too!'

Oh yeah? How much do your fleas cost? Everything has a premium here. Ours even charges early bird admission for the real thrill seekers.

Does your sell $5000 Rolex watches?

Do people wear tuxedos to yours????

No? Then come to L.A. for the show.

Pay your $8 and you, too, can stroll miles of....uh....stuff. The website claims "Name the item and the Rose Bowl Flea Market is bound to have it." This is no understatement. You can buy all of someone else's unwanted treasure you want. Housewares, jewelry, vinyl records, old furniture, antiques, 'vintage clothing' you could wear to a costume party and 'vintage bikes' that might not get you down the block (banana seat, anyone?). Arts and crafts of every variety - candles, soap, jewelry, art - and creative inventions such as the football helmet dog beds, customizable to any team. And who has a marshmallow thrower on their Christmas list?

You can linger by the resellers of antiques such as Hummels and old Playboy Magazines, and brand new items such as the skin we picked up for my blackberry or any variety of socks you could possibly want.

Not impressed yet? What about the Rolex's, you ask? Yes, indeed, you can drop serious cash at this rummage sale on gorgeous, real watches. Rolex. Omega. Cartier. Vintage Mickey Mouse. Pocket watches and grandfather clocks.

Okay...high end watches...what else? Does your flea market have articles from movie sets? No? Well, come to Pasadena and you too can own the stools used by John Goodman in the live action Flintstones movie. Or perhaps one of Dracula's coffins. (To be pulled out as the guest room bed the next time an unwanted in-law drops in.) If you have ever wondered what happened to old stage sets, you might want to check out our little (you know....only 2,500 vendors) rummage sale where you, too, can buy furniture that looks like it walked off a Jetson's set or out of the Brady Bunch house. You could re-create an entire bowling alley from just one of the vendors (or have a lovely pair of bowling shoes for every family member at your next reunion).

Doesn't that sound like something people would wear tuxedos to shop for? Okay, maybe not the WHOLE tux...only the white coat. With tails. Over his white half shirt. And white cut off jean shorts. It's truly an upscale affair. Have a beer as you stroll among the treasures - who cares if it's 10 a.m.? You need something to wash down the kettle corn.

Now, don't worry if you didn't pack your tux...you can buy a vintage one at the market. Lace and all. What color would you like? How about sea foam green? It will blend right in with the entire bedroom set of the same color that is available. Not the right blue for your decor, you say? How about the set of four (still attached) royal blue theater seats....removed when cup holders became all the rage. Didn't you want those for your breakfast nook?

If you're not in the mood to buy (or not in the market for swords from the set of Kung Fu theater or the hand claw a la He-Man villian Skeletor), you'll still have entertainment value for the price of your admission. You can star watch. According to the website, big stars shop there. We didn't see any of famous people we could identify (they must have paid for the early bird special), but we did see people looking to be discovered. The people-watching rivals Venice Beach. In addition to Mr. Tux, there was a lady selling vintage clothes modeling some of her wares looking like Lucille Ball. Then there was the train guy riding a scooter, decked out like a train, complete with whistle and caboose. He stopped at any and all vendors offering trains and inspected their wares. And the guy who had a motorized cooler on wheels, complete with bar taps front and back, never far away from his favorite brew. And if the woman head to toe in a Solid Gold Dancer costume makes you nostalgic, you can pick up one of your grade school lunch boxes - Peanuts anyone? - or Rainbow Bright dolls. A Care Bear. Or Papa Smurf. Or Strawberry Shortcake (10 points if you can name the villian!). Or an Ewok Village set. Or the Star Wars Pez dispenser set.

So the next time you're in the market for...well, anything....take a look around and ask yourself..."wouldn't the dragon head coffee table look fantastic in my living room?"...and remember, it's what's helping us Survive L.A.

P.S. for those still racking their brains: The Purple Pieman

Surviving L.A. - Takes an African Savannah

2009-05-04T20:50:00.000-07:00

Despite what the over-watering folks in Beverly Hills would try to have to you think when you look at their lush, green lawns, Southern California is, in fact, a desert. And much of it is brown, with lots of exposed dirt. The stars may want their large lawns and water features, but there are some on this earth who prefer it in the natural state.

Hippies.

Pic: These are NOT California natives

Pic: This is NOT our backyard.

Pic: Vega is NOT romping here.

Pics: Where in California are you?

And Hippos...and other desert-dwelling animals.

Sadly, because of what humans are doing to the planet, many animals are at risk of extinction. In the 1960s, a veterinarian looked at 18,000 acres in Escondido (north of San Diego, about 2 hours from Los Angeles) and determined that, while not all humans find Southern California to have the 'perfect' weather (some of us who like snow will remain nameless), there are many animals who needed a quiet place away from the devastation of humans to try to stage a comeback.

Pic: A small petting zoo with more than just goats!!!

Pic: Animal areas in the San Diego Wild Animal Park are very open.

I am generally not a big fan of zoos, I hate animals in small cages. But I admittedly give the San Diego Zoo and Wild Animal Park a pass because of the overall work they do helping animal populations world wide. I also think many of their habitats are better for the animals than other zoos.

So Richard and I became members at the zoo and that allows us admission to both the zoo in San Diego and Wild Animal Park in Escondido. I was disappointed that there was not a bigger variety of animals in the Park (lots of different gazelles though!) but the place is very cool.

Pic: I am sorry I could not get a picture of the gorilla in the cave...HE was ENORMOUS! But this one was cute too.

Picture: Animals can coexist.

The park features one wide-open area that is Africa where they let many of the non-predator animals cohabitate - gazelles, deer, rhino, giraffes, wildebeests, warthogs, ostrich, antelope..... Much more like the actual lives the animals would lead in the wild, with one noteable exception....the zebra. These gorgeous creatures are apparently the ornary instigators of the Serengeti...known to bite off the tails of others, including their own family members (and you thought your sibling rivalry was bad!).

The organization also does remarkable work with breeding and reintroduction, so it is a very educational experience and we got to see a bunch of baby animals including a rhino, cheetah, pelican (in the nest), countless gazelles, a bunch of young elephants including a 7-week-old that was adorable and a litter of tiger pups you just wanted to take home and cuddle. (Vega vetoed that.)

Pic: Three adorable tiger cubs playing in the pool. Given the heat, I nearly joined them.

Pic: Is everything adorable when it's smaller?

Picture: He's 7-weeks-old and as cute as can be!

Picture: This baby is 776-pounds!

We were not able to get on the special tour we wanted to do (there is a tram tour included in the ticket, but then a ton of extra, special tours you can buy) because it was sold out, but we'll definitely go back and either make a reservation ahead of time or know to buy our tickets as soon as we are heading into the park.

Pic: One of the extra tours you can do is a zip line over the park.

One special thing they do at both parks that we (or at least I) WILL be doing before we leave CA is an event called "Roar and Snore." They have permenant tent locations (that are actually pretty nice) and you pay to sleep overnight in the park. They do an after-hours tour (which they say in the spring mating season can get pretty interesting) and then you eat and sleep in the park. It looks like an awesome experience (anyone want to join me?).

Pic: The Camp Site, the balloon tour in the background. You can fly high over the park and get the birdseye view.

Pic: Lions do not like illegal parkers! But find them tastey!

Pic: If you look at the end of the log the comes in from the left and hits the ground. There are actually 3 cheetah sisters there. I swear. Don't tell Richard you can't see them, he already wants a new camera.

So we continue to survive L.A. - and fortunately, so do many animals that need a little survival help.

Surviving L.A. - Takes Speed

2009-04-20T11:45:00.000-07:00

And there is no speed to be had in Los Angeles, where traffic is clogged 24/7.

So you have to go to Long Beach. Where 35 years ago someone decided that they could charge admission for people to watch racers speed nearly 200 mph down a road on which the rest of us are lucky to hit the 45 mph speed limit. Not nearly fun enough, you say? "Okay, let's stick a 90-degree angle turn at the end of the straight away. Then, for good measure, we'll put a hair-pin turn after that. People will pay big to see that!"

Pic: Being this close to the track is L-O-U-D.

And they do, making the Grand Prix of Long Beach the biggest sporting event in California. (Mostly because it's 6 races over 4 event days complete with heavy metal concerts, motorcycle jumping events, alcohol sponsors and funnel cake.) So now, Surviving Long Beach takes earplugs.

Pic: This is a shot of the back of the 'Seaside Suites'.

Pic: Cars preping for the race.

But what about the safety of those willing to shell out the big bucks? Oh, a stack of tires and some fencing ought to do it, right? Check out the pictures below. No, I do not own a camera with a telephoto lens.

So that is where Richard and I sat this weekend, getting a neck workout watching the cars downshift from the left and careen around the turn to our right, where Richard kept rooting for someone to end up in the opposite wall.

Scenes from Turn 9:

Pic: This guy tried, he ended up the wrong way after turn 9.

Pic: Turn 9 was too much for some, and there was a hidden crew waiting to try to help get cars back on the track.

Pic: This guy needed more than a little help.

While the major race is held on Sunday, the 'fun' is Saturday, a day clearly designed by the beer-guzzling, perpetual frat boy nephew of the races organizers.

The Drifting Competition - in which the goal is the loudest tire screetch and the most tire smoke during your lap.....because THAT is indicative of good driving. One inhale of tire smoke and we headed for the funnel cakes.

Pic: Shot of a drifting competition car....which at this point, was trying to drive backwards. Can't be easy for a race car driver.

The Tequlia Petron American Le Mans Series Race - who doesn't mix tequlia with speed? Tequila is what they must have been drinking when they came up with this idea: squish three races into one. They have 3 different races between 3 different classes of cars simultaneously running on the same track. I wish someone had told me that before the race so it didn't become a Laurel and Hardy skit for me to ask "Who's winning?"

-Who's winning what?

-The race.

-Which race?

-The race right here. (points at current car going by)

-Oh that race? That Acura is.

-But he's behind that Porsche.

-Yes.

-So he's losing.

-No, the Porsche is winning.

-But you said the Acura was winning.

-The Acura is winning.....

And what was in our opinion the highlight of the day:

The Celebrity Race - I really would have loved to be in the room when brother T-Bone from Tappa Kegga Bru busted out this idea:

T-bone: "I got it, let's give a bunch of celebrities some cars, tell them that they are not liable for any of the damage, and turn them loose on the track to race. It'll be like the Grand Prix at Disneyland for adults."

Race Organizer: "But that will just become bumper cars, no one will take it seriously."

T-bone: "Only, then a minute after they start, we'll send some professional drivers after them. Kinda like cat and mouse, huh-huh."

Pic: The 'pro' drivers released after the celebrity drivers have taken their pace lap, waving to the crowd.

And the race organizers rejoiced, and invited celebrities to come fulfill their childhood dreams of being Indy Car racers, and invited professional car racers to experience the frustration of a lifetime - navigating their way from the back to front of a pack of unskilled, over-insured drivers in cars they did not own.

The field of Paul-Newman-Cross-Over-Wanabe's included Tim Daly (Private Practice, Wings), Keanu Reeves (Speed, Matrix), Alex Trabek (Host of Jeopardy), Raven-Symone (Jump the shark kid on Cosby and Disney Channel star), Danny Way (skateboarder), Carlos Mencia (comedian), Mary Lynn Rajskub (Chloe from '24'), and Eric Close (Without a Trace).

And playing the roles of the frustrated pro drivers were Jamie Little, Al Unser, Jr., Johnny Benson and Coy Gibbs.

Upholding the sterotype of the terrible female driver was Raven, who 3 times crashed her car, twice with no help from anyone at all.

Upholding the sterotype of the slow old driver - who was Alex Trebek? - who, even when all the other cars filed into a close-knit line during one of the caution laps, lagged seriously behind, blinker ticking and never shutting off.

The victory lap was shared by Al Unser, Jr. and Keanu Reeves, who owes Raven a role in his next movie since she took out Danny Way - who had led most of the race.

Pic: Richard and AJ on the track through Pit Row

Pic: Pit Row

I would like to add to this post that those of you who told us the weather was always gorgeous in SoCal must have never lived here....or got our before global warming got really bad. It was 95 degrees in L.A. this weekend, and hotter on the track where we got to stand for a brief period of time. Part of our day included a pit tour, which (given that the group was mostly men) involved a lot of standing and leering at Danica Patrick's pit area.

Pic: Danica Patrick's computer set-up in the pit

Pic: Danica herself.

Heat aside, we are surviving L.A. - Slowly. One of the hardest things to do is watch a Grand Prix race, then sit in traffic the whole....way....home.

Surviving L.A. - Takes Cheese Curds

2009-04-06T22:29:00.001-07:00

We're trying to survive L.A., but there are times when we just need the comforts of home. For Richard, that means cheese curds. (Deep fried, of course.)

On my first trip to the mid-west I was given the opportunity to try a food product that Richard thinks is sent from Heaven itself...a gift of the saints. Cheese Balls. (Get your own - my very benevolent husband does not share his cheese balls [Alex, insert joke here]).

Cheese curds are virgin cheese. Unaged. Before the cheese advances and gets hard, it is formed into tasty bites that are evaluated on their squeakiness. These tender young morsels are then breaded and deep fried. Think mozzerella cheese sticks with fresh cheddar.

And L.A. thought it had the market on cool food.

The midwest apparently tried for years to keep a cap on its best kept secret. Richard ate cheese balls en masse when he was home in Iowa because they were no where to be found in DC. In fact, few things made Richard so happy as the time his family came for a visit toteing a cooler of frozen deep fried cheese curds...which are so plentiful in the midwest you can buy them in the grocery store....but not get them anywhere on the East Coast.

When I was still wooing Richard I tried to make cheese balls. I'm a pretty good cook, but this went into the category of complete and utter failure. Even Richard, who is always honest (please don't make this again) and sometimes tender in his criticisms could not hold back. "These don't just look bad, they are inedible."

Apparently I would fail as a midwest chef.

So it was grand excitment recently at 8 oz. when Richard raised his hands to cease all conversation so he could point to the waitress at the next table and demand "what are those? I need a menu now."

Wisconsin cheese curds. On the menu. It's very possible that was the reason we went to 8 oz. 3 Saturdays in a row.

I thought this was a grand find. A place to satiate the palate of my dear husband. An occasional stop between trips to Iowa to tide him over. Satisfaction delivered from a deep fat fryer. Little did I know....

Just as the smog in L.A. permeates your brain, so did the scent of cheese curds infect Richard's nostrils....not to abate. So much has this obsession grown (is he just crying out for the culinary delights of home?) that tonight in my in-box I have no less than 6 emails from him on the very topic....ranging from places to get them to recipes for me to try to make for him. (Isn't he sweet, thinking of me like that.....)

So Richard may just survive L.A. yet - due to this newest discovery. (And me, well, I'll survive wherever Richard is. [Alex, insert gag sound here] As long as I can make deep fried cheese curds.)

Surviving L.A. - Takes A Great Escape

2009-03-31T09:11:00.000-07:00

In order to truly survive L.A., one must escape it from time to time. Fortunately, California offers so many amazing options. Wine country, San Diego, the Pacific Coast Highway, Death Valley, Palm Springs, Monterrey, Fresno, San.....wait....Fresno?

My knowledge of Fresno was that the town lent itself as the title and setting to a 1986 mini-series parody of prime time soap operas. Fresno starred Carol Burnett and Charles Grodin (among many others) as the first family of raisins. Being the 'pit' of such jokes, I could not imagine what our interest in actually going there would be.

"Oh my God, you can get the best food in Fresno." This is the rationale for any trip there from our friends George and Leah. I really, truly thought they were joking when they said if we EVER wanted to go up there, they would be up for a road trip just to eat there again. Really, Fresno?

Richard was even more skeptical than I, considering he goes to Fresno every week; it is the town near the POM Wonderful plant in Del Rey, where the POM Wonderful-ness happens. However, his steady diet of pizza, burgers and tex mex had really only taken him as far as Me-N-Eds and Taco Bell.

Then, like an angel's voice carried on the wind breaking through the heavy L.A. smog, I heard the secret: Bacon Fried Rice.

Apparently this brilliant concoction is served at a Japanese steakhouse in Fresno and it's enough to lure any person back. Okay I was sold, when were we going?

We went when escaping L.A. was even more imperative -- when the wild fires were occuring in Sepulveda Pass. Unfortunately for us, we needed to drive through Sepulveda Pass to get to points north, and the promise land, Fresno, where one can find the to-die-for fried rice. Ah, but Richard is never without the latest gadget, and we have GPS navigation systems...we can get around this! So, apparently, so can the 2,746 other cars on the road, which clogged up the one mountain road we could find to circumvent the fires. The 3-hour car ride became 6, and our first culinary experience of the trip was a Wendy's.

When driving into Fresno you can't help but understand the inspiration for the mid-80s Falcon's Crest spoof. Contrasting the black gold barons on Dallas are the royalty of breakfast cereal compliments, those tasty black nuggets of sweetness making bran worth eating. While not quite as bad as sausage, raisins share something in common with the meat product....you might not want to see them being made. No need for a tour, the rudimentary process for 'making' raisins is laying them on butcher block-type paper in the sun, right along the roadway. Pull your car over and take a look, but please don't idle, it's hard enough to think about all the exhaust spewed over the yummy ingredient in my father's cinnamon-raisin bread. I now have a theory that all raisins actually should be golden...but....well, for the sake of my next bagel, let's not pursue that line of thinking.

After an amazing personal tour of the POM Wonderful factory, which was fascinating but decidedly bacon-free, we called the restaurant to make a reservation.

To find that none were available.

Apparently, bacon-fried rice is not a well-kept secret. You cannot imagine the disappointment after a 6-hour stop-and-go road trip that was only fueled by the scant scent of sizzling pork product. Instead, one of Richard's colleagues invited us to the Purple Potato. This place was not even on our navigation system, causing the car passengers to give a hard time to the driver, who shall remain nameless, for taking us to a place named after a food product the color of which could only be explained by large amounts of the same exhaust that covers the sweet raisins. AND, there was no bacon fried rice on the menu.

We did, begrudgingly, have to ultimately admit to Richard that the food at the Purple Potato was actually fantastic, and perhaps it lent credence to the rumor that the greater Fresno area does, in fact, have amazing gastronomic experiences to offer visitors.

Richard took me back to Fresno a few weeks later for the Christmas party for the POM Wonderful plant. We had a fabulous time, but I would like to point out that I still have yet to experience the make-me-drool-just-thinking-about-it bacon fried rice. I am starting to think it is just an urban legend. The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. The Holy Grail.

But Fresno is one gateway to Yellowstone and its natural wonders, so I will be back. And I have deliberately left the name of the restaurant out of this entry so that I can get a reservation next time. I'm not leaving until I can fully report back on the elusive, succulent, savory, glorious calorie-fest that is the stuff of fantasies that make surviving L.A. a little easier: bacon fried rice.

Surviving L.A. - Takes Star Sightings

2009-02-22T14:19:00.000-08:00

A little background: Richard got a job offer almost 18 months ago that was a brilliant career move on his part but that caused us to do something we said we never would - move to Los Angeles, CA.

Since we departed our wonderful east coast lifestyle, we've been trying to figure out how to adjust to the West Coast mentality. We're surviving......

One question we get constantly about living in L.A. is whether or not we have spotted any stars. At first, our skills were not up to snuff. During the recruitment weekend we were sitting at breakfast when a friend told us we were about to get our first star sighting walking through the door to the restaurant. A group walked in the door and Richard and I rapidedly examined the faces before they were shown into a back room. We had to ask who the famous person was. We were told we had just seen Damian Lewis of Band of Brothers and Life fame.

Our second brush with fame occured at Universal Studios when we spied a group of people clamoring to take pictures with a young girl. We snapped a picture too, and then had to ask everyone we knew who in the heck it was. Not until we showed the picture to our 8-year-old neice did we get an answer to the mystery star....known to Disney-Network fans everywhere, but not to us.

Eventually, we saw throngs of stars, but that was at Laker's games where, frankly, seeing stars is like shooting fish in a barrel. Yeah, Richard had to excuse himself to use the restroom past Jerry Van Dyke (of Coach fame), but that hardly counts as an authentic run-in with the daily, everyday lives of the rich and famous.

But when a friend recently visited, even SHE got a star sighting: Archie Kao (aka Archie on CSI) was also in the airport when she was leaving.

So we thought maybe going to the airport was a good place.....

It started on a recent red eye to Orlando. We were seated in the front row near the door coming on, and after it seemed all the passengers had on-loaded there appeared a lime-green jacket at the door, accompanied by a security guard. Ms. Paula Abdul (and, um, boyfriend?) were escorted onto the plane. She was apparently headed to Orlando for the opening of the Idol Experience at Hollywood Studios Orlando. We were admittedly surprised she was on a commercial red-eye flight, but she must have had a stylist and make-up artist in her bag (or perhaps the boyfriend?) because the next morning when I felt - and probably looked - like death warmed over, she walked through the terminal in Orlando looking just like she had looked walking on to the plane in L.A....where, although he was seated, she came about eye-to-eye with Richard. As he describes the encounter by holding his hand up to his chest, "She's tiny!"

Our prowess at spotting stars has improved.....which was useful last night in Hollywood. We headed out to a night with friend's at the Hollywood Improv. We had gone to see Iliza Shlesinger do some stand-up comedy. SHE is a funny woman, but we paid to see her so we don't count that as an official sighting.

The evening started with dinner at 8oz., a burger bar we will be eating at a lot now that Richard has discovered it as the one place outside Iowa that serves fried cheddar cheese balls.

Richard returned from a trip to the bathroom to report that a booth in the back of the restaurant held someone, someone he knew he ought to recognize. When the rest of our group got there we all sneeked peeks and figured out it was James Spader (currently of Boston Legal, formerly of Stargate, Bad Influence and - showing my age - Pretty in Pink fame.)

Dinner, BTW, was fabulous.

We walked to the Improv and sat at the bar waiting for our show and listening to our friends - long time Los Angelians - share their stories of other brushes with fame. (Apparently, 8oz is also an accasional haunt of Mylie Cyrus.)

Richard and our friend Todd returned from the bathroom exchanging questions of "did you see who that was"? Jim Gaffigan, who is a stand-up commedian and actor, was apparently at the urinal, providing proof to the age-old question: yes, we do all pull up our pants the same way. He then came into the bar area, where the rest of us could see him. Later, hemjumped in and did a set on stage, one of the funnier of the night. The man is obsessed with bacon.

Another member of our party then spotted one of her favorite actors in the waiting area - Craig Robinson (aka Darryl Philibin from The Office). We were waiting for other fans to give him space and were fully prepared to buy him a drink as soon as they one in his hand was empty, but before he finished he was escorted into a private VIP area. I guess even someone who works on a sitcom needs some comedy in their life.

One of the other performers for the night (unknown to us at the time of ticket purchase) was Doug Benson, stand up comedian and subject of the documentary Super High Me. He gave a very funny set as well.

So there you have it, an update to the oft-asked question - yes, we have spotted a few famous people. No papparazzi or body guards or scandalous moments, just another night of good food and good entertainment in Los Angeles, CA.

And it helps us survive L.A. - under the stars that really matter...the ones in the night sky.

Surviving L.A. - Takes Deception

2009-02-04T20:48:00.000-08:00

L.A. has a reputation for being 'fake' - fake boobs, fake personalities, fake stunt people, fake houses for TV sets, fake lipsyncing....

You have no idea just how well deserved it is. The Grammy's air this Sunday and you have to ask yourself as you watch...is it fake or is it real? And no, I'm not talking about Pamela's Boobs or Angie's lips or Mariah's latest marriage. I'm talking about the celebrities in the audience. Is that really Will Smith, or just the back of a head with big ears? Is that Pink or someone else with a dye job? Look closely....is that what Britney was wearing on the way in....or did they find someone else at the asylum with an affinity for Clorox? Do that many people really pack an auditorium to hear about the latest

It might be me.

Check out www.seatfillersandmore.com and you too can fill in the crowd at an awards show. (They need asses in seats for all....Grammy's, Emmy's, Oscar's, Country Musis, SAG, Critic's Choice, Art Director's Guild, People's Choice, ESPYs, Darwin, Award for the best Award....) Perish the thought of an empty seat during a camera pan of the crowd. You can fill out applications for the seats inside or the Red Carpet. Send in a head shot, because L.A. does, afterall, have a reputation to uphold. You must look good and you must plan to dress accordingly. You might even have a clothing and hair allowance....if....

....if you have the fortune of looking like Jennifer Aniston or Halle Barry or the misfortune of bearing a resemblence to the Olsen Twins or Courtney Love, you can cash in. Because if Fergie has to go to the bathroom during the award for Best Zydeco Music Album (look it up....I'm not making this stuff up! I don't have to...I live in L.A.!) , then you could actually get paid to make sure that her seat is not empty during a critical moment when the crowd goes wild for the Pine Leaf Boys (a perennial favorite! This could be their year!).

So as you're taking in the awards show this Sunday, be sure to look closely so you are not one of the thousands in America duped by an imposter. Demand real cleavage on Shania Twain. Demand that the fedora is on Justin Timberlake's head. Demand J-Los ass. Ask yourself....are those really Steven Tyler's lips?

We are not deceived. We are surviving L.A. - by heading for a restaurant. We have discovered that the "can't get a reservation" restaurants are empty during awards shows....they are THE place to see and be seen. (Or at least get a stellar meal.)

Surviving L.A. - Takes a parade

2009-01-10T18:46:00.000-08:00

As if people watching in Los Angeles was not good enough on a daily basis, occasionally they throw a parade to put L.A. life on display. You may yourself have started off the New Year by watching the Annual Tournament of Roses Parade from Pasadena, CA. Pasadena is just east of Los Angeles, and has been home to the Tournament of Roses since 1890, when organizers first decided to rub what they perceived as California's stellar weather into the noses of the rest of the country.

"Oh, you have 8 inches of snow? We have roses blooming in 80-degree weather....just look, we have so many we can have a parade!"

Two years later, they added races in an effort to expand the event. The first race was between an elephant and a camel. In 1902, they decided human entertainment was more interesting and, according to the official tournament of roses website, was added in 1902 to "enhance the days festivities". (http://www.tournamentofroses.com/history/)

Those of us who miss snow may not be so impressed by the 80-degree weather Los Angelian's brag about, but we do enjoy a good parade. (Okay, I should say I, I can't lump Richard in here.) So when our friend Bob asked about attending the parade, we decided we could not pass up one of the best people watching opportunities in Southern California.

If you are willing to spend the money, several hotels line the route offering fabulous packages for their balcony rooms overlooking the flowers going by. (See picture including hotel.)

If you are okay getting out of your PJs to watch the parade, you can spend between $50 and $150 (and perhaps more) to get a a number on a peice of cold steele -- and $10 more for a seat cushion.

If you are adventerous (or out of your mind), you can camp out the night before. Before you dismiss the idea, consider that this is not your parent's camp out on hard ground. Gone are the days of stumbling out of your New Year's Eve party to pass out on the curb, only to wake up when the first school's band goes by.

This is a new family bonding event. (See crowd shots.)

Starting at Noon on New Year's Eve, you and those you can coherce into joining you can stake out your 'section' of the sidewalk, your home for the night. Imagine a massive game of musical chairs ending at the stroke of a clock. Your mission is to have the people in your party spread out blankets and chairs as far as they can get away with until they border the person next to them. This will enable you to set up your TV room, dining room, kitchen and bedroom. Afterall, you need space for the bed rolls, the table to eat on and cooler to keep meals in, the grill or outdoor firepit for cooking and warmth, and the generator and TV. You don't have to miss the ball drop in Times square, plenty of people had flat panel TVs. You don't need to relegate yourself to hotdogs and smores over a hibatchi. Oh no, there were buffets rivaling Super Bowl tailgate spreads. (Appropriate that they tailgate before a parade that preceeds a football game.)

The parade starts at 8 a.m. local time. Depending on your location on the route, the parade may start at 8:55 a.m., as it did for us. (Bands don't march quickly when they've been cueing since 3 a.m.)

This being our first experience, we were not sure what kind of insanity to expect. We left West L.A. for Pasadena at 5:45 with the intent to getting into Pasadena, getting into our parking space, and into our seats before 8. For the record, we left late, we arrived early and we spent a lot of time in the bleachers waiting for a parade. It's almost as if Pasadena has done this before and they know how to handle crowds!

Given the same circumstances in the future, what we would do is leave, late, arrive late, and not miss a beat. There were obviously people in our section who knew this strategy, because their seats were empty until about 10 minutes before the B-2 flew over to open the parade.

Being there early was not all bad....there were plenty of characters providing pre-parade entertainment. Protesters. Running clubs making their inagural run of the year. Christians reminding us to repent. Random people with a wagon throwing candy into the crowd, some of whom were still sleeping in their bed rolls. Cyclists. Kids playing in the street. Vendors with just about any snack food you could want. L.A. truly is the entertainment capital of the world.

As for the parade itself, we highly recommend it as an addition to your life list. Having watched the parade many times on TV, I can say it is a fabulous experience to catch the live show. The floats are amazing, the bands entertaining and the whole experience a very good way to start any new year. You might even be able to talk us into going with you again....so long as Richard doesn't have to use the curb as a pillow.

We did not attend the football game itself, choosing instead to watch that from the comfort of our couch, a much-welcomed cushion after the bleachers. Here is my favorite story about the Rose Bowl - as relayed to be by a former lobbyist for Washington & Jefferson University. In 1922, W&J, located in Pennsylvania, was invited to play California in the Rose Bowl. The school took a barebones team across the country, playing exhibition teams along the way to pay for the trip. The day of the game, the local paper had a long article about the game. The writer extolled the virtues of California's football team without really refering to W&J until the final sentence: "The only thing I know about Washington & Jefferson is that they are both dead."

The games have gotten much more interesting, and the parade is always fabulous whether or not the game is a close contest....and it is helping us survive L.A.

The holiday edition of Surviving L.A. - Takes Sheep

2008-12-14T18:14:00.001-08:00

Just when Richard was missing the farm, he recieved the holiday gift given to executives by Roll International, the parent company of POM Wonderful, Fiji Water, Teleflora Flowers and Paramount Farms (growers of citrus and nuts).

For reference, the items on the floor are slippers, and the "ottoman" is bigger than my 35-pound dog....who tried briefly to herd it.

The ottoman is hollow and items can be stored in there. (A wool blanket, perhaps?) It came with products from each of the Roll companies in it...POM Wonderful products, oranges and Cuties, Fiji water and a variety of nut products...including their signature "Everybody's Nuts" which now takes on a whole new meaning.

Let the Iowa, farm, and general holiday jokes begin. I'll start...Baaaaahhhhhh Humbug.

Happy Holidays to all, and to all a good night......counting sheep....

We're sheepishly surviving L.A. - on the 'lamb'

Richard and AJ

Surviving L.A. - Takes Management

2008-11-20T15:07:00.001-08:00

*****Disclaimer.....for those of you who are new to Surviving L.A. or who have forgotten my earlier disclaimer....I am NOT making this stuff up. I don't have to. I live in L.A. where this stuff happens....daily....makes me wonder why some TV shows are so bad when some of this fabulous stuff is available for foder. Writers for The Office look here!****

When Richard first accepted the job here on the left coast he worried about the business environment and its reputation for being far more laid back than the rest of the country. Would be be able to keep up his frenetic business-at-light-speed-until-midnight, then-slowing-until-1 a.m. pace?

Turns out that yes he can....just check your email at 2 a.m. But there are definitely differences in the work environment out here. As it turns out, Richard and I got lucky. We could have found jobs with our friend Tommy (name changed to protect the innocent), who works at Strobe (named changed to protect the guilty).

The type of business is irrelevant. This insanity should not happen any place.

When Tommy wishes to dialogue with (and no, you do not speak to, you dialogue with) his colleagues, he must open with his name, indicating that he is taking ownership of the words coming forth from his mouth. This is a good strategy for ensuring that no one shows up being possessed by an alien intent on wrecking their business model.

Meetings open with a discussion of how everyone is feeling today, to gauge the level of readiness and receptivity among the participants. Meetings close with a discussion of everyone's feelings about the meeting.

Monday Morning Water Cooler Talk at Strobe

Tommy: My name is Tommy, and I am disappointed in the lousy performance of the Kings yesterday.

AJ: But I, as AJ, am excited that they lost to the Rangers, because I feel we need all the victories we can get.

Tommy: My name is Tommy, and I am emotionally ready to agree that the Rangers played a good game, but, with due respect to your feelings toward your team, I still dismay today at my teams poor performance. I do not feel I would be productive in the budget meeting.

AJ: I, as AJ, can say we should change the topic of the budget meeting to a discussion of how to deal with losses suffered by our athletic champions.

Tommy: I, Tommy, thank you for compassion toward my feelings. I feel this will be a very productive meeting and that the team will have a lot to contribute.

AJ: Group hug!

Tommy: You didn't say AJ says.

How someone does their job at Strobe has to do with their mental model. Not skills or attitude, but how an employee perceives their job is critical to the management of this company, and it applies to everyone from the CEO to the front line workers, who I gather are in the service industry (read: a lot of high school and college kids in a low-skill, low-wage job, not a career).

A manager, adhereing to the "improve business by sharing your feelings" recently sent out a late-night missive in which s/he described being fatigued by all of the dialogues with employees and wondering what s/he could do to shift their mentality to building a learning community in which they could improve their servant leadership. (Because, of course, that's what high schoolers want to work on.) S/He questioned his own actions of asking management to solve a problem during pulse check huddles rather than allowing employees to grow in problem solving. S/He wondered if he was the reason so many shift managers problem-solved for the employees rather than allowing them to think critically and problem solve for themselves and the company (again, because that's what a high schooler with an after-school job thinks about at work). S/He closes, pondering the questions he posed and added that s/he was more and more resolved to approach them differently so that she didn’t hamper their business maturity and development. Please reflect on this missive and be prepared to dialogue about your reflections at a 10:00 meeting tomorrow, which will no longer be about the budget.

I can tell you what the mental model of a high schooler working on a Friday night is: "Have I made enough yet to buy that Xbox game? (Slurps on free Coke) Why isn't it time for me to go home? (checks out the girls walking by) Should I ask Katie to the party?"

A recent management meeting to decide how to compassionately announce layoffs at the corproate office was held at an exclusive (read: expensive) L.A. hotel, and resulted the following information: 150 of you will lose your job over the next year. But don't think about that now. We expect really great work from you until the pink slips go out. This is the 9th year of double-digit negative cash flows, and the management team finally feels like the company is ready to make the shift from a good company to a great company. We feel the operating philosophy is being practiced at a high level, and we have the right people and processes in place to make this happen.

Good ahead and re-read that paragraph. It won't make any more sense the second time around....

So please pray for Tommy. Pray that he does not leave the job. Because whenever I need to feel good about my challenges, I remember the hell he lives in, which he cannot decide is closer to a cult or 1940s Germany.

So, Richard and I are Surviving L.A. -one 9-to-11 p.m. workday at a time.

Surviving L.A. - Oh the Horror!

2008-10-23T22:20:00.000-07:00

Some people think their jobs are horror-ible. Think your job leaves you in the dark? Think co-workers are stabbing you in the back? Are there days you just want to kill your boss?

The next time you think your 9-5 sucks and you think life would be great if only you were a Hollywood actor/actress....consider those wannabe thesbians entertaining Richard and I (and our friends Bob and Leslie). So we took in Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights.....an evening where the 'Entertainment Capital of the World' turns goulish and tries to scare all the people more than the fact that they paid $50 to get get in.

I have been to Halloween Horror Nights before. My best friend, Scott, used to coherse a bunch of us into going every year in Orlando. But the last time I went was probably 1995, and I am extremely happy to announce that the productions have improved significantly in the last 13 years. (13....ooooooo).

At 7 p.m. we stood in the wanna-be-TSA security line to enter the park, when in many of the attractions had been spiked with a ghastly theme to celebrate the season. In addition to blood-spiked waredrobe thrown into their regular attractions, they had haunted houses around the park, and roaming zombies and psychopaths hiding in dark corners ready to scare all high-school aged-girls into the arms of their boyfriends.

We started on the "Back Lot" Tour, which capitalized on a few of their horror movie sets. Universal did, afterall, give us Psycho and the never-should-have-been-made-with-Tom-Cruise War of the Worlds. The only good thing about the War of the Worlds remake was the opportunity to turn the airplane crash set into a gory accident scene complete with freshly placed corpses....including passengers in still strapped to seats 22 A &B - now hanging out the side of the airplane - giving new meaning to the term "exit row".

In this, and the other haunted houses in the park, were employed people who should make you thankful for your day job....even on the most mundane of days. Imagine, for a moment, that you are an aspiring actress looking for your big break. Would your resume be enhanced by Halloween Horror Nights? Perhaps, if you could spend 5 hours in the front seat of a VW bug constantly pretending to try to turn on the car and escape from the other aspiring actor in the room who's stint as Jason (the beloved villan of Friday the 13th movies) means he spends 5 hours stabbing a fake knife through the top of the VW in an attempt to make passers-by believe he would have you dead. 5 hours. Day after day. How exactly do you sell that skill to a Hollywood talent scout?

And I am not sure which is worse, faking that kind of monotonous activity for five hours, or doing a convincing job in the face of people like Richard, Bob, Leslie and I, who were so rapt by the fake murderous scene unfolding (repeatedly) in front of us that we devolved into a discussion of exactly what the building we were in was when it was not inhabited by the special HHNs exhibit. So engrossed were we in the need to solve this crime (much to the disappointment of the girl trying to escape in the non-working VW) that we turned to the other Universal employee in the room.....who was probably stunned that Bob was talking to her.

You see, there might be a patron or two either caught up in trying to protect someone or trying to prove something that they might strike out against the actors trying to make you urinate involuntarily...and that patron might try to become part of the pseudo-action. In the dark, in the midst of their 5-hour shift, is a park employee responsible for the safety of the actors in the room. You can walk by and be plenty scared, but you may not touch the actors/actresses. These individuals stand, in near dark, ready to jump on you if you disobey the code of conduct. I think this girl jumped quite a bit when Bob turned to her and asked "what is this exhibit normally?"

Who knows, it may have been the highlight of her night.

But Halloween Horror Nights was a highlight of our October.....and it is helping us survive L.A.

Surviving L.A. - Oh the Irony!

2008-10-23T09:23:00.000-07:00

So....for years I said I could never live in CA - and definitely not L.A.....and so my husband, of course, gets an amazing job opportunity in L.A. [:(]

I said I could never live there for many reasons....most of all the earthquakes. Within 7 months of living here....earthquake. [:S]

So last week some of you were kindly expressing concern for those of us dealing with wildfires.
They are no where near me...I said....don't worry.

This morning I was lying in bed awake at 4 a.m. Decided to turn on the TV. There is a wildfire burning about 3 miles from my house. [:]

Mind you, it would still have to burn through a ton of concrete to get to me....but still.....I'm starting to take this personally!

So I am trying a new tact....

I could never live over seas. Being an Ex Pat would be horrible. I would HATE to have to move to England. Or Sweden. Or Australia. I could never live there.......[:D]

Surviving L.A. - Takes Magic

2008-10-06T19:35:00.000-07:00

We had a magical evening recently and Walt would be disappointed to know it had nothing to do with Disney. We were lucky enough to score an invitation to the Magic Castle, the private club for magicians.

Hogwarts it is not, but it has a magical allure all its own. The house in Hollywood was built in 1909, and in the 1960s was bought by "Truth or Consequences" writer Milt Larsen. Milt's father, William, had been a magician and had dreamed of having a private club for magicians. In honor of his father, Milt turned the castle into just that.
http://www.magiccastle.com/about/index.cfm

Once a month, aspiring magicians can have a 15-minute audition to prove they have the gift. Admission to the club is an internationally recognized achievement, and membership has its privileges, such as access to a library of books on magic in the basement of the castle. I'm curious if it includes an edition of a "History of Hogwarts." There are also regular classes taught at the club, though Dumbledor was no where in sight. But perhaps the greatest benefit for the young illusionist is the opportunity to perform in one of the theaters, bars, parlours or dark corners available in the maze of the castle.

For those of us who's slight of hand couldn't trick the Vega dog, we must wait for an invitation to come from someone who is a member or in some way affiliated with the club. Friends of ours were lucky enough to secure an invitation, and they were kind enough to, in turn, invite us to join them.

Admittedly, we initially had no idea what we were getting into. We just knew it wasn't something you could just decide to do on any random Saturday night, so we jumped at the opportunity. Of course, Richard and I are both magic junkies, (ask him sometime about being eyeball to shoelace with David Copperfield) so that spurred our interest as well. But the evening was almost over before it began as Richard perused their website and saw that the evening came with a dress code - coat and tie for men. Better for the magicians to hide things on unsuspecting audience members, but nearly a deal-killer for dear Richard.

We arrived at 5:00 p.m. and were treated by a club Knight to a lovely tour of the castle, which proved extremely valuable later. The place is a maze and it would be easy to miss a lot of the nooks that contain magicians. (They are also quick to point out the locations of all the bars, indicating the alcohol makes many of the magicians better. It did not however, help improve the jokes, which must be taught in a special class...because many of the magicians we saw had the same canned material in attempts to make lady audience members giggle about the size of their wands....) The house is filled with fabulous memorabilia that, as the guide was quick to point out, would be an incredible loss if anything were to ever destroy the castle. We could visit 6 times and probably not see everything in the house.

We sat for dinner at 6. The magic is not in the food. But apparently if you know the magic words, you can have Merlin deliver your birthday cake.

We finished dinner at 7:30 and headed for the first show. At 7:45 we heckled a poor young man who was doing his first-ever night trying to impress people at the club. (He was a good sport.) We had tickets for the 8:30 p.m. main show. By 1:00 a.m., we still had not seen every magician in the place.

In addition to the main show on a main stage, there were several smaller theaters (some allowing only 20 people) with 2 magicians doing multiple 15-minute shows each evening. We saw at least 5 other magicians sitting in random spots around the castle, and we know we missed more. The skill levels ran the gamut (you could tell by how much light the magician worked in!) but everyone provided some level of entertainment.

The setting, aside from being a gorgeous castle, is an excellent venue for those of us who love to watch magicians closely. We both participated in many of the tricks (pick a card, show it to the audience), and Richard even got to inspect the knots of a lovely, large-busted escape artist. It was such a burden, I know.

Richard, with all of his charms, tried to cast a spell on one magician and may just conjure another invitation to return. I'm trying to figure out the magic words to get him to take me again. (The best of which would probably be: "they changed the dress code.")

So we're surviving L.A. - by putting a little magic in our lives.

Surviving L.A. - a California Adventure!

2008-09-20T18:34:00.000-07:00

Walt Disney World Resort just outside Orlando is an ever-expanding complex of parks, hotels, shopping areas, entertainment areas, hotels, communities, golf courses, more hotels, more shopping and some studios. It got big enough it decided to become its own incorporated town.

On the other hand (or coast), Disneyland is, well, land-locked. It does not have the neighboring swampland to drain and build on. From the monorail you can see the busy streets that border the park. But they did manage to make "Disney's California Adventure" which is not Walt Disney's wild rise to fame and power from his drawing table, but rather an attempted celebration of the state that gave him the opportunity to make a mouse larger than life.

Leave it to the minds that thought a car riding through dark rooms with pop-ups of the evil witch from Snow White would make a great kids ride to come up with a park where the process for making tortillas is an attraction. Yes, Mission Tortilla has a 'factory' in the park where you can watch how tortillas are made. It's right next to the building where you can watch sour dough bread bowls made. That, at least, is lent the humor of commedians Rosie O'Donnell and Colin Mocherie. But still, it's the history of sour dough bread. Does this justify your $70?

The concept behind the park is to highlight great things that shape and illustrate California. There is a mini Golden Gate Bridge, a pier with rides, a winery, a wild water ride through a mountain forest setting, rides through a backlot, a mini Hollywood sign, and a fake street that is ALMOST perfect. If it's supposed to be a street in L.A., they painted the sky entirely too blue. But in acknowledgment to the industries that helped build CA, there is a backlot, a hanger and an amazing simulated flight over California in a nod to the aviation industry, the two food factories, a winery (because who doesn't want a lovely cabernet before riding a roller coaster with "Screamin'" in the title?), and a simulated state park.

To be fair, the factory tours were short and mildly interesting and you did get a sample of each item. Probably the first thing Disney has ever given away for free. And they did make for a good place for us to go inbetween rides and let my occasionally-motion-sick stomach settle before the next ride.

There was part of the adventure I could have done without. The sourdough bread company has its roots in California's gold rush more than 150 years ago. A man who baked bread for miners started a bakery that become the company. For the non-bakers among us....sourdough bread has no yeast; its "rising" is enabled by a bacterial mixture in the dough. So when miners would make a batch, they would retain a small bit from each batch to 'start' the next days batch. That process of saving a bacteria-laden piece of dough daily is still done today, from the same starter dough that started the business 150 years ago. I realize it's highly unlikely, but yet technically possible that the bacteria rising bread today is a 150-year-old original. I try not to think about it.

In walking the clean, simulated streets of California, one might be intrigued by the industries they chose NOT to include in the park. While there is plenty of automation in the park, there is no outward acknowledgement of Silicon Valley. No surfing in a wave pool. No papprazzi roaming the park for tabloid smut.

No displays for Larry Flynt or Hugh Heffner and their version of smut, no acknowledgement of the porn industry. California cannot survive without these things! Just imagine THAT theme park....

Well, okay, we want to accentuate the positive, I get that. And it all makes for a rather enjoyable park, despite the presence of giant spiders in the A Bug's Life-inspired show, which is completely unnecessary.

If the park is a little taste...highlight reel, if you will....of California as a whole, Richard and I have a lot of places to go do. The park attempts to carry the variety of this big state from the lush northern forests, to the prosperous farm lands to the arid desert vistas, to exciting cities, we have a lot to explore.

In 2009, Disney parks are free for you on your birthday....we'll go with you! Because now that we know about the Adventure that is California, it's a little easier to survive L.A.

The Shadow of the Mouse

2008-09-08T20:34:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time in a land far, far away, a young girl lived in the shadow of the mouse. When eventually, she moved from Orlando to DC, she thought perhaps she was escaping the reign of whatever evil villan had taken over the "Happiest Place on Earth" and turned it into an expensive day of standing in long lines.

But the young girl has learned to stop saying never - because the evil queen looked into whatever crystal ball and casted a spell that has our heroine living, once again, among the Disney obsessed. Just for good measure, the evil queen made sure that just outside our heroine's office door sits a Disney-obsessed co-worker. This character has 2 daughters who both have birthdates close to hers, so they have an annual Princess Birthday party. For ALL of them. I understand that at least some level of dress-up is involved.

The Disney Empire is a little more spread out in L.A. compared to Orlando. Some of the main studios are in Burbank, a ways away from Disneyland's home in Anaheim, but it is as Disney as you would expect. The building has 7 pillars across the front....one of Snow White's dwarf's on each.

Will our heroine ever be able to live happily ever after, co-existing the long arm of the Mouse? Perhaps a few nights of Sing-a-long Little Mermaid at Disney's El Capitan theater in Hollywood will bring her around.

But the question remains....can she survive Disney? Let's take a look...........

Richard has long thought the Happiest Place on Earth was a farmhouse in Remsen, IA. It is located near the 'ice cream capital of the world' afterall, so it's hard to argue with that logic. But we figured we'd give this place a fair shot at changing his mind. We went to investigate the claim for ourselves, and were fortunate enough to have our friend Mark in town - an experienced Disneyland guide - who ushered us through the park and helped keep us sane. Well, only so sane....we did end up buying an annual pass to the place so we can go any time we want...we may have lost our minds.

Apparently my family came to Disneyland when I was very small. I have no memory of it and the only thing I ever really knew about it was my older brother's not-so-glorious description of the place; "Disneyland could fit in Disney World's parking lot."

After years of being dragged to Walt Disney World (WDW) because yet another friend or relative had come to Orlando to visit and having to stand in line for '90 minutes from this point ->' for a ride I'd been on 236 times and I knew was not worth more than a 5-minute wait, I was admittedly apprehensive about just how much I might like Disneyland.

For anyone who has been to Disney World I can tell you one aspect of the attraction is definitely worth the price of admission: Realizing that this was the original, conceived and built in the 1950's, and that Disney World is the 2.0 version. There is fascination in identifying the similarities and differences between the two parks and trying to determine exactly why they thought the original Space Mountain needed to be changed when they built it in Orlando, but the Mr. Toad's Wild Ride had universal appeal the way it was. Or, for that matter, why the Mr. Toad's Wild Ride translated into the new Orlando park while the other carbon copies with different story lines (Alice in Wonderland) did not.

And why (for that matter ;-) Mr. Toad's was replaced by Pooh in Orlando, while the Pooh ride in Disneyland got it's own new area in Critter Country, and Mr. Toad still offers his wild ride to all Anaheim takers. Why is Splash Mountain a 2-person-to-a-row boat ride in WDW, but a sit-behind-each-other log flume in Disneyland? Why did the Mattahorn bobsled, with its secret-yet-everyone-knows-about-it-basketball court, not make the move East? What was Walt thinking?

There are smaller similarities and differences that surprised me. There is a New Orleans-themed street in Disneyland that does not exist in WDW. The WDW Swiss Family Robinson Tree House belongs to Tarzan in Disneyland. The Space Mountain in Disneyland kicks WDW's buttocks.

What did not surprise me - the Jungle Cruise in both parks uses the same terrible jokes, and the Haunted Mansion needs upgrading in both parks. And if you favor the Orlando park, you should petition for an Indiana Jones ride. One of the best rides of the day in Disneyland.

I did learn one very important lesson for the day I'd like to share with you, if you show up in the morning and Splash Mountain is closed for repairs, just stay off the thing all day. Because if they have drained it and then refilled it before you get on, the water must be at a high level that takes a while to even out through evaporation and removal on the shirts of soaked patrons. I know this because we did more than our fair share of removing water from the ride once it was re-opened. I've been on rides like that before, Richard and Mark have too. Never have any of us been so thoroughly soaked as that day. Proof I am not exaggerating for effect? The boat we were in had so much water in the bottom of it, they had to take it out of commission to drain it after we had gotten out. Apparently that 6 inches of water in the bottom was, in fact, not normal. Who knew?

For those of you who have gotten this far and think this all sounds a little mundane for the Los Angeles Crazies.....consider this. There are not one but 2 locations in Disneyland where you can buy McDonald's fries. And no other food. No burgers, no chicken strips, no Happy Meals...just a whole food kiosk devoted to McDonald's fries. So popular, they had to open a second location. Hungry?

As for my brother's assertion about size (why are boys always obsessed with size?), Disneyland is much smaller, though they have added a sizeable (and fun!) Toon Town and Critter Country since he was there as a young boy. But the most striking size difference hits you when you enter the park. Both initial experiences are similar....enter the turnstile and pass through the train station to Main Street USA. The street might be a little smaller in Disneyland, but the thing that will immediately catch any WDW frequent visitor's eye is the castle at the other end. It was shrunk by one of the Disney villians. I'm not lying, I laughed. Apparently Sleeping Beauty ('owner' of the Disneyland homestead) is not doing as well in this economy as Cinderella, who orders servants around in WDW.

For a couple of fabulous side-by-side pictures of similar attractions in each site, visit http://www.disneygeek.com/dland_vs_wdw/.

Our conlcusion is that it lacks the happiness found on the Iowa farm....but, it will do for an occasional day out for us. Unlike the 47-square miles of all the WDW theme parks in Orlando, the only other thing here in L.A. is the California Adventure. We have not been yet, but we have annual passes now...so darn it, we're going! And I can tell you without reservation - California is an adventure. And we're surviving it!!

'Fall'-ing for traditions

2008-09-03T09:21:00.000-07:00

Sure, L.A. has its own traditions and we are trying to learn them. But we are not abandoning our traditions of old. It is fall, afterall, and fall means cooler weather (well, not here) and changing leaves (um...not so much) and football!!

There are challenges to living 3 hours behind our friends and family on the East Coast (2 behind the Iowa contingent), but there is the occasional silver lining. Such as being able to watch all of a Monday Night Football games without needing to stay up to ridiculous hours. It may be a challenge to have to find places to have brunch with the early Giants and Redskins games at 9 a.m. PST (and just what tailgating drink goes with scrambled eggs and hashbrowns?), we'll take that as a trade-off to not having to fall asleep at half-time of a Sunday night game and wake up to find that the Jets pulled off a Farve comeback and we really should have stayed up.

But if you are in L.A., what better way to kick-off a new football season than in the Grandaddy of Bowl Game stadiums...the Rose Bowl. Whether or not you are in love with college football, I highly recommend the Rose Bowl experience. Afterall, who doesn't want yams as a half-time treat? (Yup, yams....as well as tri-tip and churros. Isn't that what you cook at a tailgate?) I do not, however, recommend sitting in a large sea of the Orange of the Tenessee Volunteers when the Bruins pull off the upset of opening weekend football. ;-) Okay, it's not the yams that are the attraction. The stadium is steeped in history and lore, and there are lots of great seats.

The first Tournament of Roses was staged in 1890by members of Pasadena's Valley Hunt Club, former residents of the East and Midwest eager to showcase their new home's mild winter weather."In New York, people are buried in snow," announced Professor Charles F. Holder at a Club meeting. "Here our flowers are blooming and our oranges are about to bear. Let's hold a festival to tell the world about our paradise." (Good thing I was not on that committee!)During the next few years, the festival expanded to include marching bands and motorized floats. The games on the town lot included ostrich races, bronco busting demonstrations and a race between a camel and an elephant (the elephant won, unlike in the 2008 elections!). Reviewing stands were built along the Parade route, and Eastern newspapers began to take notice of the event. In 1895, the Tournament of Roses Association was formed to take charge of the festival, which had grown too large for the Valley Hunt Club to handle.In 1902, the Tournament of Roses decided to enhance the day's festivities by adding a football game – the first post season college football game ever held. Stanford University accepted the invitation to take on the powerhouse University of Michigan, but the West Coast team was flattened 49-0 and gave up in the third quarter. The lopsided score prompted the Tournament to give up football in favor of Roman-style chariot races. In 1916, football returned to stay and the crowds soon outgrew the stands in Tournament Park. William L. Leishman, the Tournament's 1920 President, envisioned a stadium similar to the Yale Bowl, the first great modern football stadium, to be built in Pasadena's Arroyo Seco area. In 1922, the Pennsylvania team of Washington and Jefferson was enough of a East Coast powerhouse to be invited to the Bowl Game to play California. The lengthy preview article extolled the vitrues of the California team and ended with the sentence: "The only thing I know about Washington and Jefferson is that they are both dead." Admittedly, Washington and Jefferson lost that game miserably, but we stood in the stadium where it happened and we are better (entertained) for it. But the game garnered enough money for a new playspace to be built.

The new stadium hosted its first New Year's football game in 1923 and soon earned the nickname "The Rose Bowl." Never mind your high-tech new fangled stadiums...classic does just fine. It seems weird to tailgate on a golf course, but when in L.A..........well, we have to do what we can in the absence of any NFL games to go to here. (We're not quite ready to be Chargers fans ;-)

2008-08-11T16:49:00.000-07:00

Surviving Universal Studios

For those who have been to the studios in Orlando, the park here is different from the one in Florida. The L.A. studios were originally used as actual movie lots before they created the theme park around it and many shows still film there. We started the day with the Studio Tour, which started out to be very - well - uninteresting. Perhaps becuase it was a Sunday and nothing was filming, the opening of the tour drives around a lot of the lot showing you the outside of buildings where cool things once happened. But they are just big buildings where nothing cool was currently happening. I can see those anywhere.

Eventually they got around to actual sets, mostly previous sets, but that part was really cool....especially the set of a big scene in the War of the Worlds remake, where they took an actual airliner and created a neighborhood with the plane having crashed. It was massive and impressive. These scenes, unfortunately, were interspersed with some cheesy film simulation experience (*****Spolier alert. If you plan to take the tour and don't want to know about surprises, don't read this!*****the tram went onto a lot allegedly cursed because The Mummy was filmed there and our tram was 'attacked'; we were also attacked by Jaws; and just to give you the authentic California experience, an earthquake. FYI - the simulated earthquake in the tram car...not NEARLY as scary as the real one. But my imagination runs WILD with what it must have been like in the tram ride in the earthquake exhibit while the ACTUAL earthquake happened.).

But wait through the bad parts and you can be rewarded with the decades-old sets that have been used in countless westerns or films set in Europe, and speciality built sets like the main downtown of Whooville for the live-action Grinch Who Stole Christmas, and the famed Bates Hotel in Psycho. It was great to see the set and then have a video on the tram show the movies a building or street was used in.

*****Second Spolier Alert*****
An aspect I found intriguing: the couple of spots there were actors - aspiring actors, let's say - stationed on the backlots simply to occasionally do something to entertain the tram riders. The first crew we came across were allegedly practicing stunts for something they were filming the next day. SURE they were. Practicing every day, apparently the film is held up by pending actor's strike. ANYWAY, they gave us an idea of what some stunt guys practicing might be like...so okay. The one that fascinated me most was the poor guy who looks like Norman Bates cast as the psycho. He sits out there in a fake motel room all day, waiting for trams to come by to he can carry a 'dead' body out to the trunk of a car, then 'spy' the tram and come after it with a knife. What exactly is the career path there? Does getting into the haunted house represent a step up for him? How does one list this role on a resume?

I seriously hope the hotel has cable hooked up in his room.......

After the tour we did rides, and some of them are really fun. I will spare you all the details - you'll have to come and see for yourself! But I will tell you about some special features you can find in Universal Studios.

#1 Child Switch. This is featured on many rides. Being childless, I didn't get to try this out myself, but perhaps you can upgrade. (Of course, none of my family or friends need this, but other people with brats..well..what a service! ;-p)

#2 Single-rider lines. This is to fill a row in a ride that fits 4 but has a group of three in its line. What I loved were the announcements seeking riders. They were looking for people who were alone or "willing to be seperated from their groups." So I am wondering who these willing defectors were. Did Dad get sick of the kids for a while, and offer himself up as a single rider? I can see why he might, because of #s3, 4 and/or 5).

#3 Beer carts. Sold along water, soda and lemonade, large cans of Modelo, Bud and Heineken keg cans. No lie. Right in the middle of the park. Because, of course, before you head out on to roller coasters and into 3-D Shrek movies, who doesn't want a few drinks? But perhaps that what dad was doing after ditching his family for the single-rider lines.....waiting for mom and the kiddies with a cold brewsky. (He'd better have one waiting for mom after that!)

#4 Foot Massagers. Sadly, these are not Swedish gods wandering the park available for a deep tissue fix. They are metal machines that vibrate rapidly under your feet for a quarter. They seemed awfully popular.....I guess it's true that people in L.A. are not used to walking.

#5 Full bar. There is an Irish Pub in the park. Bar stools, beers on tap, full liquor menu. Who doesn't want a vodka tonic before the Terminator Show? I kid, but we almost went in. But not just for the drinks. The Red Skins played in the Hall of Fame game....and we are so starved for football we were willing to even watch that.

So, these are the things that make surviving L.A. a little easier. Come on out...see for yourself. Or...just send the kids. We need to them to test the kid switch!

(And before anyone jumps all over me, I do know that the "Child Switch" is the waiting area by which one adult can ride a ride while another waits with a small child, and then they switch and the first adult can immeditately get on the ride without having the go through the whole line again. But don't tell me there weren't a few of you hoping for another meaning......don't worry...I won't call you out!)

We did take a lot of pictures that I am going to share through snapfish or some like service, they are too big to include them all on this email. I will, however, share one now.

On our way out of the park, we snapped the attached picture because, well, everyone else was trying to take pictures of and with this girl. So we figure she is someone famous....even though we have no idea who she is. Does that count as a celebrity sighting? Because that would bring our grand total to 5, although Jack Nicholson is the only one we could actually name.

Can famous people please start wearing name tags? It would really help Richard and I survive L.A.

EARTHQUAKE!!!

I am writing this email on July 29 at 11:54 PST, having just gone through my first Earthquake.

Apparently, there was a 5.8, centered somplace near Pasadena. Richard is not even in town.Jerk. He missed it. How could he not even share this with me?
http://quake.wr.usgs.gov/recenteqs/Quakes/ci14383980.htm
Of course, it's early, so that could change and I'm just sitting in my office, under my desk, waiting for the aftershocks.

Okay, that's not entirely true. I am under my desk to hide from my co-workers. They are mocking me. M-O-C-K-I-N-G.

The building started to shake and suddenly I am acutely aware that I work on the 15th floor and whoever thought that was a good idea for the girl that is afraid of heights was wrong, wrong, wrong. A co-worker, still working, mind you, looks over at me and sees the look on my face. "First one, eh?"

'Is that an earthquake?"

"Yeah," she says, in a tone of voice clearly intimating that I am an idiot if I think the building would sway that much for any other reason.

I pick up my cell phone and walk to the elevator lobby, the location I was TOLD to go to by our own building security in the event of an earthquake, because it is the most structurally sound part of the building. Noticably, I am the ONLY person there. After a few minutes, a few people peer out of the office at me standing there. They look at me, they look at each other, they look back at me....they laugh.

I fail to see the humor. Building security comes on and a voice that sounds shakier than I feel makes an announcement that everyone needs to stay in their suites and the building is being inspeacted. Eventually, I go back to my office. Where pretty much every last one of my co-workers has now stopped by with some lovely comment and a giggle.

But if you hear a knock on your door in the next few days, you may just find me, Vega and a pillow.
So, if you will excuse me, I am headed back under my desk with my lunch.....I'm trying to survive L.A.

Ice Cream Men

stop rubbing it in that you still get to live in VA and I had to move to hades. but at least my ice cream man is makes the place tolerable.
first - this is L.A. and we are eco-friendly. He pushes a cart around my neighborhood. No gas guzzlers here.
second - this is L.A. and we are health conscious. He also sells corn on the cob. on a stick. (apparently the cob is not convenient enough) but at least you can have a veggie before your chocolate-covered-caloriefest/
third - this is L.A. and we are all about entertainment. No horrific bad-church-slash-carny-organ-music here. He has some lovely bells that he plays out on the sidewalk.
fourth - this is L.A. and we are all about service. If you don't respond to the bells, he honks a horn at you. Because he knows what you want, and he knows you'll come get it from him.
(channels Montell Jordan)
'to all my neighbors, you got much flavor. This is how we do it'

Surviving L.A. - With Humor

Life takes humor.

Some days require more humor than others. And surviving L.A. takes all you can get.

Fortunately, L.A. delivers. Already Richard and I have been to the Improv to see some very funny people work the crowd. And last week, Richard and I took friends to watch 2 tapings of Lewis Black's "Root Of All Evil," a show on Comedy Central. The premise of the show is that Lewis Black is a judge and each week two comedians are 'prosecutors' who try to convince Judge Black that they have identified the 'root of all evil.' The first show we saw had Greg Giraldo puporting that it was steroids in sports, and Andrew Daly offering up boob jobs as the root of all evil. (I will print no spoilers, I know you are dying to find out. The shows begin airing again July 30th.) The second show that Kathleen Madigan making her case for Disney as the center of all things evil while Andy Kindler offered up evidence about Scientology bringing down the society.

Now, while this sounds like a casual evening out, this is not. Being an audience member for a show such as this is W-O-R-K! You have responsibilities. Obligations. You are not there to merely be entertained, you have been given a role and you'd better perform!

#1 - You HAVE to fill a seat. They don't want people leaving. Large guards stand near the exits directing people back at their seats. But if you do manage to escape, they capture people out on the street and bring them in to take your place....no empty seats allowed!

#2 - You HAVE to laugh. And when they have screwed up and are going through the same scene for the 4th time and it was only marginally funny the first time around...that is NOT an easy task! Fortunately, it's Lewis Black. And he is one funny, funny, FUNNY man. Some of the out-takes are the best part of the show!

#3 - You HAVE to look out for camera equipment. It swings in from over your head. It is pushed rapidly back and forth in front of you. It might turn on you. So not only do you want to be sure you are not in striking distance, you also want to be sure you are not picking your nose at an inopportune moment for all the country to see. The threat of being on camera is constant....now I know why so many people in L.A. are so vain. You never know when you might be exposed!

As for us, we were exposed in the second row, behind Andrew Daly on episode 1 and Andy Kindler on episode 2, if you watch. Which I recommend, because they are very funny episodes (even on the second and third uptake!)

#4 - if you are smart, you HAVE to pack a picnic. Which people in front of us clearly knew to do. They had a three-course picnic - an appetizer, sandwich, pie and their own clear drinks that the comedian entertaining us between scenes believed to be vodka on the rocks. Sadly, they were not sharing.

Next time, we will be prepared!
So, laughing all the way, we are still surviving L.A.

April

Well, in a sign that perhaps I am being assimilated into the lifestyle that is California, I am late with this installment. Not that CA is often late, but life is laid-back...not-to-be-hurried. But this is not an excuse, and I profusely apologize. Let me make it up to you. In addition to this email today, I will share pictures...a visual confirmation that we are eeking out a survival of this Land of the Angels.

This edition....Things Overheard in Los Angeles

"No ma'am, your don't need to put your dog in your purse."

Los Angeles is fabulously pet-friendly. Dogs are allowed in many stores, banks, work places and other buildings. Many restaurants have lots of outdoor seating adorned with water dishes for 4-legged friends. This city caters to the well-heeled canine, with everything from clothes and accessories to veteranarian specialists (eyes, skin, chiropractors, no kidding) and day spas. Yup, puppy massage. I wonder how long the schooling is for THAT qualification. (And, incidently, it's more expensive than getting yourself a massage.)

But it does not stop there. (You knew it didn't) Oh no. (Warning: Sean should skip down to the next thing overheard in Los Angeles.)

Los Angeles is 'pet-friendly'.....not just dog friendly. Certainly, dogs are the most prominate, but I have witnessed more than one cat on a lead. The first one was eyeing a small group of ducks on the water...trying to determine if the potential prize was worth getting wet...and I could only think that the owner was more torturing the cat then giving it any treat outside. Now, cats may not seem out of the ordinary. But this is L.A. and we will not be outdone!!!!

So, while I have not overheard this, this could be overheard: "Timmy, go walk Slither!"

You can probably guess what kind of animal I'm talking about. Yup, a snake. Being walked on Manhattan Beach. So where does one start shaking their head...at the owning of a serpent? At the mere walking of a serpent? Of the walking of a snake TO THE BEACH???? And....I know what you are thinking....how does one walk a snake anyway? Well, someone in CA firgured that out and it's a whole industry!

http://www.snakewalker.com/page5.html
Now, I know some of you probably are shaking your head in disbelief - at me. I have told Richard we must get into the habit of carrying the camera to capture these moments before we get reputations as liars. And I don't want you to not believe we when I see the person rumored to walk her turtle. Yup - her turtle. Now.....while I cannot understand why you would walk a snake, I do understand why you would walk a turtle. BUT....I do not understand why you would need a leash to do so. But I hear a leash is involved...I am trying for photographic evidence. And while I am all for positive pet experiences, if I ever see an arachnid on a leash, I'm moving back to New York.

"As soon as I find a few busses to roll, I'll call you."

These words were spoken by my friend, Bob, who is the art director on House. This town has people skilled in re-creating anything. Any place on the planet, any room to suit their needs, any scenario you -- or your favorite super hero - might hope to encounter. Including sticking busses on a 'spit', lighting them on fire and spinning them like a primitive campfire dinner to simulate a huge traffic accident. We were on the set recently; actually we were on several sets. The favored diner of the characters on "Bones" was being gutted the day we were there so that the "House" crew could use it as a restaurant of their own. I know poor Bob must think we are nuts for the constant questions we fire at him, but we think he has one of the coolest jobs on the planet. To walk on the set and then see how realistic the show is....the transition is amazing. I thought knowing what was real and what was fake and where stairs and tunnels ended might detract from the viewing experience....but no such deal. The fictional world Bob gets to create is fabulous to walk in.

You'll get an additional email from me with Snapfish pictures of our time on the set, as well as our hike to the site where they filmed the TV Show M*A*S*H. While the whole set is no longer there, it was fabulously nostalgic to stand on the helicopter pad and imagine the story unfolding.

We have also witnessed first-hand some filming. Apparently the exterior of Richard's office building is a favored spot for car commercials and a recent drive through Malibu took us past a new Lincoln commercial...because apparently the rest of the country must think here in California we all drive brand-new cars on the sand near the salt-water....and will buy a car to be like us.

"Yeah, I'm the guy in the Borat lawsuits."

We were told when we moved here that within 2 months we would know SOMEONE in the entertainment industry. We knew Bob already, but it is true that we have met production people, producers and we both work with people married to spouses trying to make acting careers for themselves. I also know someone from DC who moved out here and plays a Senator in the HBO series "John Adams." (Which, BTW, is fabulous....I highly recommend it.)

But at a recent George Washington University Alumni event we met an assistant to Sasha Baron Cohen, who made the mockumentary "Borat". During filming, the crew apparently were not completely honest with some of the people they recruited to interact with Borat and be in the film, and many people were TICKED OFF when the event was over. The guy named in many of the lawsuits was his assistant. (Apparently, he recruited many of the unsuspecting participants for the movie who did not know what the true intent of the movie was.) Good to know people in high places!

"Let's go eat at the restaurant on Kitchen Nightmare's!"

There is a line between wanting to be on TV and see a popular show in production and just what you are willing to do to be on that show. Many shows, like our recent invitation to see a live recording of American Idol, simply require the patience of Job to wait in line to get in. Other items require being in the right place at the right time, like our friend who got selected to be on "Take Home Chef." But....were we really willing to go eat at a restaurant that is so bad as to be featured on Kitchen Nightmares just to rub elbows with famous people. No...we were not. But that might change. And if you come to visit us...please give us as much notice as possible, as we might be able to find TV tapings for you to go to.

"Let's visit the sea lions."
Sea World is in San Diego....we don't need them. In addition to seeing schools of dolphin and - if you watch at the right times - migrating whales, there is a bouy off the Santa Monica Pier which is a favored home of as many sea lions as can realistically lay on top of one another at a time. The Snapfish photos include our time on the boat....including Richard's seafaring skills.

March

You've been waiting all month...haven't you ;-)

Food. I guarantee there will be future installments that include food. There are just too many amazing, and amazingly strange, items in this city that boosts more than 800 donut shops, where one of the most famous 'restaurants' is a hot dog stand, and the major newspaper keeps a current map of cupcake bakeries across the valley.

Los Angeles does pride itself on the trendy and uber chic...and that includes food. Afterall, this is the place that that spawned the infamous Pinkberry, the Japanese yogurt sensation causing major lines all over L.A. And the place with the 'secret menu' for a fast food restaurant. (Soooo secret. Top secret. Fort Knox secret. Found on their website.)

Did you see the episode of CSI with the restaurant where you eat in the dark? L.A. Inspired. You can eat ravioli there for $90.

Fondue? That's so 1977...and 2007, for that matter. The new wave in paying money in a restaurant to cook your own food is BBQ. Picture a hibatchi in the center of your table....and order up shrimp, fish, chicken, sirloin, oxtail, ox ass.

Don't want to cook the food, you say? Head for Raw. The name says it all.

No, you need cooked meat? How about goat? You can get that at Don Chuy's. Oh...but you say...that's not so unusual. Especially in a city with an ethnic mix rivaled only by the Cafeteria at the Olympic Games. Go eat in Chinatown, Little Tokyo, Little Ethiopia, Little Armenia and the growing crop of eateries offering fare from Uzbekistan. (More plov anyone? No? What about boiled manti?)

Burgers with apples on them? Purple rice? A Fire Dragon Fruit (described as a cross between a kiwi and a pomegrante, $8/fruit). Not impressing you?

How about the tasty treat of the chocolate bar with bacon? It's true. Invented by a guy. And I bet he had a hangover...it is really the only proper explanation for why you come up with this combination. (Let's just say Hershey is not going to be buying the recipe....) Allegedly he was enjoying a breakfast of chocolate chip pancakes and bacon when in a fit of multi-tasking he ate them together. I think a lot of 'cuisine' here was created after a night of binge drinking. How else do you explain "Roscoe's House of Chicken and Waffles"?

Convenient, you say? Well, this city is all about ease and convenience. They go overboard on the convenience, in fact. In your neighborhood, you might have ice cream treat opportunities brought right to your door accompanied by a lovely serenade of electronic symphonys. In my neighborhood, you can have your side dishes delivered that way. Well, not exactly. The cart only has bells on it, not a constant cycle of bastardized children's songs. And you only have one vegetable option. Corn on the cob.

On a stick.

Yeah....apparently corn-on-the-cob is not convenient enough for Los Angelians.....on a stick is it better.

So....we're surviving L.A. I doubt we'll be wasting away to nothing in the city of fun food selections. Richard might even expand his palate....rumor has it he tried truffles. On a pizza of course.

He's still standing, so I have hope.

Come visit! We'll take you to our favorite Peruvian Restaurant. Try the rice with figs.
Coming Next Month: things you hear in L.A.
"As soon as I find some buses to roll on the gimble, I'll call you."

February

Ahhhhh....February. The month of Amore. Valentine's Day. Our Anniversary. The Oscars.

The Oscars? Yeah...well, maybe not in the "I LOVE it!" category for Richard and me, but apparently if you live in L.A., you are required to swear allegiance to the small gold icon. We're not generally award show watchers, a characteristic I am apparently better off hiding in this town. Make no mistake, the writer's strike grated on people in this town. But not because people were out of work or because TV offered little to watch in the way of new entertainment....it was because the Oscars would be cancelled. This would be a worse scandal and cause more disappointment then Britany Spears carrying George Clooney's love child.

This town is entertainment obsessed. Case in point: this morning's local news. When I turned it on the anchors were chatting about the mews media awards they must have been nominated for, and how their weatherman - who has his own blog - was nominated for some award too....probably because of his witty blog. After a good 8 minutes of this, they got down to real news - the results of last night's American Idol show. Then...a story about how you can get devices to watch your TV's DVR on anything other than your TV....your computer, your Ipod, your cell phone, the TV in the guest room of the relative you are visiting so you don't have to converse with them, the TV in your limo that you sit in for hours in traffic on the way to an awards show.....because God Forbid you might miss your favorite program...or the news media awards show. (You know you're on the edge of your seat wanting to know if KTLA wins!)

Even people who don't work in The Industry are obsessed. Oscar statue necklaces make an appearance in the most academic of offices leading up to the show. Water cooler discussions become about what outfit you are wearing to your neighbor's Oscar Party. Sales of red carpet skyrocket. One word of caution if you venture into this town during the time period before the big show.....don't admit that you have not seen ANY of the movies nominated for Best Picture. I think I get a pass this year since I have not been here very long....but I clearly got the "you don't belong in this town" look for that admission. We do, afterall, have the busiest movie theater in the country right here in The Grove....how could I possibly not have gone there?

(As a side note, a new fad out here is the ability to call a movie theater, reserve a seat on a couch that may or may not be in a private section, and order food and drinks to be delivered to your seat. There are even shows that are 21-and-up. We MIGHT just go to the movies on occasion this year.....I'd better start studying the likely candidates for Best Pic!)

We did discover one fabulous side effect of this hysteria. While the Neilsen ratings for the Oscars were extremely low this year, all of the people who were watching were in L.A. If there is any exclusive restaurant you have ever dreamed of eating at....here's your chance to get a reservation. We decided to take that night to celebrate our anniversary and we had the restaurant practically to ourselves. It was us, the bartender and waitress who drew the short straws, and another couple who clearly must have been from out of town and not understood they were supposed to be parked in front of their TV. It was rather enjoyable for us.

So...we continue to survive L.A., despite our missteps that show our true colors as transplants. But next month could be a challenge as we expand our culinary adventure. Check next's month's installment for the Chocolate and Bacon Candy Bar. (And I bet you think I am making this stuff up!!!!)

Special Event

I had my annual women's health exam yesterday...which, as many of you are aware, is just so much fun in and of itself. But when I knocked my head on the glass shower door yesterday (because it was so clean I did not see it....) I should have known to just get back in bed.

Don't worry, this email is long but it does not contain TMI from my doctor's appt.

So...I have selected a doctor from the list of providers which, of course, I don't know. I turn to Google Maps to guide me to my destination. I enter my office address and the doctor's address and notice when it gives me directions that it no longer shows the street number on Santa Monica Blvd. where the doctor's office is. But I re-input the information 3 times and each time it gives me the same directions, so I figure it is correct. (you see where this is going, don't you?)

Reminder #1 - I'm new here.

The directions say to leave my office on Wilshire, travel 2.5 miles east to where Wilshire intersects with Santa Monica and I will be at my destination. Sounds easy enough, so I take off on my bike....and encounter hills I was NOT expecting (but can handle) and 2.5 miles later I arrive....in Beverly Hills. Now, as you all know from Reminder #1, I am not familiar with the entire area, but I did bet at that point that my doctor was not on Rodeo Drive. A quick check of the building numbers confirms.....there is no doctor there for me to see. So I call said doctor's office and find out I am, as I feared, several miles from where I need to be.

Reminder #2 - Yesterday was Ash Wednesday....a day of fasting.

So, I head west on Santa Monica Blvd., toward my destination, thankful that this was at least flat. Still, the bike was overall more than I was prepared for, so I'm a little warn out. The exam goes quite well and when it is over the doctor says, "get dressed and then we'll draw your blood."

me: "ummm....draw my blood? Is this standard procedure for annual visits here?'
doctor: "once you turn 35, we test for thyroid, liver function, cholesterol, blah, blah, blah (insert medical tests here)."

Well, Happy 35th Birthday to me. Let me recall your attention to Reminder #2. After the unanticipated activity, a lack of food and the blood letting, I'm no longer exactly feeling like myself.

So I head for home....there is no work getting done by me at the office that afternoon...and home is much closer. I get off the main streets and into a neighborhood where I am being passed by small children on tricycles....but at least I'm upright. I am approaching an intersection when into my pheriphal vision rides a commuter on his bike....please now picture 'the tortoise and the hare'. As he rides past me he turns his head to look at me....and is saying something to me I cannot make out and I am not nearly quick enough to say "look out!" when he slams, full speed, into the back of an SUV that had stopped at the stop sign.

I stop to ask the rider if he is okay. He's very shaken. At this point, the driver of the SUV is looking in his rearview mirror and back over his shoulder and finally at me in a state of confusion because he knows he's been hit but cannot see any car that would have hit him. The rider finally turns over and sits up and looks at me and says "You distracted me!"

ummmm.....what?

"You distracted me!" He starts mumbling under his breath and looking around at the debris from his bike and the SUV. A gentleman walking through the neighborhood who witnessed the whole thing starts to approach and another car stops to see if aide is needed. The driver is finally out and the other witnesses have stopped and I'm still feeling like I need food soon.....so I took off. Afterall, I did not want to be any more of a distraction....life in L.A. is distracting enough.

So I appear to be surviving L.A.....though it seems a bad time to have given up alcohol for Lent!

Week 3

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Yesterday I was walking along the beach while Vega trekked up and down the sand dunes and I saw a small group of dolphins playing in the waves, doing jumps that Sea World trainers could only hope to achieve. It was the kind of moment that makes one think "hey, living here is not so bad, I can even go for a breakfast omlette of Commune eggs." (I do not know exactly what those are, but I can have them with cheese.)

But then, I arrive at Friday and my appointment at the DMV where I have to take a driver's test. Now, I have been driving for 20 years (legally) and I have only had 3 tickets. And, to be fair, I knew what laws I was breaking when I got them. Isn't that enough to convince you I can effectively maneuver in Los Angeles Traffic? Okay, I might miss a question about how many cars are supposed to turn left after the light turns red and I might not know what the maximum speed limit is since there is no hope of ever being able to drive it....but seriously? A 36-question test has apparently foiled many would-be legal California residents.

And before you all laugh at me.....answer this. Do you remember what the recommended distance is to turn off your high-beams at on on-coming car? How about one you are following? Do you recall what red, blue, green and white-colored curbs designate. (Hint....in CA, one means you can only park there to unload mail....)

Actual question from the CA drivers test

Driving slowly in the left (fastest) lane:a) will make other drivers frustrated and angryb) is a good defensive driving techniquec) will help other drivers slow down

With a Class C drivers license a person may drive:
A 3-axle vehicle if the Gross Vehicle Weight is less than 6,000 pounds.
Any 3-axle vehicle regardless of the weight.
A vehicle pulling two trailers.

All of the following practices are dangerous to do while driving. Which of these is also illegal?
Listening to music through headphones that cover both ears
Adjusting your outside mirrors.
Transporting an unrestrained animal inside the vehicle.

You too can go online and take sample tests and see how well you do! Thank goodness I will live within walking distance from work!!!

Next week I will be surviving Iowa for the Chirstmas Holiday, which is a very easy and pleasant thing to do. Next installment in my quest to survive Los Angeles will come in the New Year.

I wish you all a very, very Merry Christmas, safe travels whereever you may go, and all the best in 2008.